Post # 1
One of my very best friends (ive known since i was 7, we have been inseperable ever since!) has been engaged for a couple years and has finally set a date for this fall! I was the first person she told about her engagement and the first person she told that they had finally set a date. I was so excited for her and was talking about wedding plans etc. and the issue of bridesmaids came up.
She informed me that she was going to just have her 2 cousins (whom she rarely sees or has a relationship with) as bridesmaids to avoid hurt feelings from friends. I was shocked and honestly really suprised and sadden that she wont be asking me. She was in mine and we have always said that we would be in each others. I consider her a sister to me and just cant imagine not being part of her special day other than a guest 🙁
Anyone ever dealt with this?
Post # 3
I can understand how that’s hard for you, but there have got to be lots of things going into this decision. Maybe she wants an even number and her FI only has 2 guys. Maybe her mother/grandmother/aunt is putting pressure on her to ask her cousins. Maybe the numbers just didn’t work out if she asked all the friends she wanted to. Either way, I would not say anything to her about it because I’m sure she’s stressed. Just try to be there from her in whatever way you can and don’t let this get you down.
Post # 4
@AlwaysSunny: This is basically what I was going to say.
ETA: I’m sure she had a reason for choosing her cousins over you so I wouldn’t let it get me down. I’ve seen several brides have to include certain people in their bridal party because of so much pressure from the family/friends.
Post # 5
I think it’s natural to be disappointed (I would be, too). I agree with PPs in that there are likely family/friend pressures going on that caused her to just choose her cousins. That really is a bummer, though.
Let yourself be sad for a little while, but then try to move on. Just because you aren’t a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you won’t get to share special wedding-related experiences with her. You can still offer to help with things, maybe plan a shower for her, etc. Perhaps she will ask you to do a reading or be involved in another special way.
On the bright side, at least she chose only two people, both of whom are family members. It’s not like you’re being left out of a huge bridal party where you feel like you’re practically the only friend who isn’t a bridesmaid!
Post # 6
Aw I’m sorry – I can understand how that is disappointing.
A bridesmaid of mine is getting married a week from tomorrow and she did not ask me to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t get offended by it because I understood and she sort of awkwardly brought it up (must’ve been weighing on her mind) a few weeks ago, and I totally made light of it and said it was totally understandable, etc. She had the same reasoning as your friend did about not wanting to hurt other’s feelings and not including everyone. At the end of the day I understand but I do find it somewhat of a let down, especially when people say things to me like, “So did you get your dress for X’s wedding yet?” assuming that I’m a bridesmaid!
Post # 7
I understand where your friend is coming from, because I did something similar. I only had my sister in my wedding, and I do think it might have hurt my closest friends’ feelings. For me, I was just uncomfortable with the whole bridesmaid system, which felt an awful lot like friend ranking. I’m sure that your friend loves you dearly. I wouldn’t look too deeply into this, but rather just try to accept it. I understand why it’s upsetting, though.
Post # 8
thanks for the quick reply bees.
This is basically what I was thinking as well. Im not gonna make a big deal out of it because its not my decision. Its HER wedding so all I can do is be supportive and as helpful as I can. 🙂