- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
I was married for almost 30 years and have been divorced for 4 years. It was without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. My ex-husband was brutal because he was not happy with how our assests were split but it was done fairly….he was the one that wanted out but he wanted to take everything with him. He took my feeling of security, my hopes and dreams of being grandparents together, everything we had worked hard for for so long is gone. We have two children and I was always very close to both of my children until the divorce and because my son works for my ex he is fearful of doing anything to make his dad angry so he keeps his distance from me to make his dad happy. This has added to my heartbreak and I can only pray that one day things will change. My daughter and I have always been extremely close and without her love and support I don’t think I would have made it the last 4 years. I became engaged last Christmas and she has never been fond of my fiancee so I am reluctant to tell her we are eloping until after the fact. He is a good man, works hard, loves his two grown sons, he makes me laugh, is very attentive and affectionate, always willing to discuss any issue we may be having, very patient and thoughtful….the opposite of my ex in every way. I don’t want my daughter to feel that I betrayed her by not telling her beforehand, but I also don’t want her attitude (if it is bad) to dampen our special day. My fiancee has had to work at letting his grown sons become more independent and mature and I feel guilty worrying about my daughter’s response because she too is an adult and this is my decision and my life. I know she just wants the best for me and for me to be happy but I also think she will never like any man in my life because she was 18 when the divorce happened. If I could have changed things and made them better and avoided the divorce I would have but you can’t fix a marriage when your spouse has withdrawn, refuses to discuss problems, and basically changed his whole lifestyle. I want another chance at love, marriage, and looking forward to a future with someone that loves me and shows me that every day…but I am terrified of alienating my daughter by marrying without telling her first.