Post # 1
My fiance got deployed 3 weeks ago to the day and I’m still having a hard time adjusting. I moved across the country from where we were living to be closer to friends and family while he is gone (a year). I feel so empty and am having a very difficult time creating my life without him. I am currently job searching and not having much luck, even with a degree and experience in marketing and sales no one wants to take me on because a. we’ve moved so much with his military career that it looks horrible on my resume and b. I will be moving again after his year long deployment so no employer wants to hire me. I’m living with a friend but this involves basically living in a shoebox room because we stored all of our furniture where we were stationed. So I have a twin mattress on the floor, my clothes in the closet and a couple picture frames on the floor. And have I mentioned she’s a slob and I’m a total neat freak? It’s so frustrating.
Our wedding was scheduled for this Oct but since his deployment news we had to bump it to Sept of 2011. I feel like this pathetic woman who just needs a night to feel sorry for herself! Any bees gone through a similar situation or have any words of advice? I feel like these past 3 weeks have DRAGGED on. Everyone says it will get better but it hasn’t yet.
Thanks for listening to me wallow.
Post # 3
I’m sorry for your rough time. Are you actually telling employers that you will be leaving in a year? I would not mention that you will move when your FI gets back from the deployment (and I would try to explain that you had to move before because of him which explains your work history). I know how tough it is to find a job right now, I have been without one since July. Is there some kind of military wives/gf/FI support group you can join? I think it would be good for you to get out and be with likeminded women, especially since you can’t find a job right now.
Post # 4
Thank you. I try not to go into details about me leaving in a year or that I even have a fiance in the military but I’ve been sort of getting ‘drilled’ about the many moves and if I’m going to be in my current city for a long time. I don’t want to lie but I’m walking a fine line.
There are many military support groups but I’m living about 2,000 miles away from our base so it’s not really an option. I’m sorry you are jobless too. It makes life so much more stressful. Thank you for the advice
Post # 5
I’m not in the same situation but I just wanted to tell you chin up and it sucks now but it will get better. Have you tried busying yourself with wedding things? Even if you don’t want to order anything you can have everything picked out! Also maybe you need some “you” pampering. I suggest a spa day if you can! Massage, mani/pedi. If you can’t swing that maybe just a mani/pedi (like $30). It’s something small but it’s relaxing and will take your mind off things for a bit.
Also with the roomate being a slob have you maybe discussed having your joint living spaces be clean? I think that’s a simple request!
Post # 6
I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.
For your job search, I suggest contacting some temp agencies. You might not have the same job everyday, but at least you will be occupying your time.
For your other free time, sign up for some night classes; maybe some cooking classes or art classes or even a language class.
Filling your time with extra activities will make the time pass faster.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re in a difficult situation. My husband has been gone for a little under four months now so I can relate to how you feel. The first few weeks and the last few weeks are the roughest.
Have you thought about a career change? We’re navy so we move every 24 months.. I worked in IT/HR/Photography and am now working on a nursing degree hoping I’ll have an easier time finding employment. I totally get how you feel though, while my husband was in training I was looking for a job living with my parents. No one wanted to hire me because I was leaving in a year to join him. It was a pretty dismal situation at the time.. I gained a lot of weight because I was depressed.
As for people telling you it will get better, I don’t necessarily agree with that advice. It doesn’t just get better we (spouses of military men and women) make it better. Like someone suggested, keeping yourself busy is a good place to start. Have you thoght about volunteering? I volunteer at a hospital on the weekends.. or have you thought about looking for employment on base? Once you’re a military dependent a lot more opportunities will open up to you. Keep your chin up, you’ll get through it 🙂
Post # 8
Hey there, I know it’s not easy having an SO deployed (we did a 15 month deployment) but i PROMISE it gets easier if you believe it will!!!! My advice is to keep yourself busy. If you aren’t able to find work, indulge in some hobbies and plan your wedding like a maniac. It helps you to look forward to something positive. Volunteering would be a great option–it’ll help “fill” your resume.
Also do some searches on pro-military companies. Some really like to hire people with military ties, even though they can be sort of unreliable.
Also try temp agencies and see if there are any civilian possibilities on a base nearby–a friend of mine found an engineering job that way while her husband is deployed.
There is also the Family Readiness Group–they may be able to help you find some filler jobs–most military wives don’t work ‘standard’ degree jobs–most of them work odds and ends type of jobs. Or teach or are nurses–jobs that are relocatable a little more easily than other jobs. Would you consider going back to school in the meantime if your FI were willing to help you out with his BAH money?
Feel free to PM me–DH just got out of the Army and spent 4 years in and we spent those 4 years apart because I was in college and didn’t want to sucuumb to moving all over the place with him. It wasn’t feasible for us. But I know how much a deployment sucks and I firmly believe that your attitude really changes how it impacts you. Stay positive and do things to make you feel better about him being gone–emails, videos, care packages, whatever it may be. Somehow sending DH a “hello it’s 11pm here” message always helped me sleep better at night. And he always liked to see my face first thing in the morning.
Post # 9
im sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. ejs4y8 gave great advice! the key really is keeping yourself busy. for me, the very begging was always the roughest. it took me about a month to get into a good solid routine. once i found that routine that worked for me, things were alot easier. i also did a girls movie night about every week or so with a couple friends. it got me out of the house for a little bit and got me to laugh. i gave myself projects to also give me something to focus on. once i finished them i felt a sense of accomplishment.
the bees are always here for you! 🙂
Post # 10
Thank you all so much for the support. Some nights I feel so empty and like I’m floating through life without a purpose! I apperciate all the advice about jobs. I feel like I miss my fiance SO much and that’s one hard thing to deal with but the job thing is such a stresser point for me too. We were living in California (where he was stationed) and I moved back up to the midwest so the resources aren’t exactly there. I am working with a job recruiter to look at temp work. I never expected to live this lifestyle (not that I’m complaining because I love my fiance so much and am so proud) but it’s just hard in a marketing type field to get jobs when we are moving and it looks so bad on my resume.
BUT I do have good news! There is a family readiness officer position open where I am living! I don’t know why or how considering I am not by a base but there is the Marine Corps reserves here. So I applied asap and am REALLY crossing my fingers that it works out. I think it would be a great job and great experience, plus I would be able to help people like me!
You gals are really great and it feels good to just vent or cry on this board and know there are people that understand. Thanks!
Post # 11
I have not been in your situation of deployment, but I was in an LDR with my FH for two years and that feeling I got everytime I had to go back home is still fresh in my mind. I know how hard it is to be away from the person you love — especially in the initial stages. I can only imagine how much more compounded it must be with a loved one in a war zone. Just try to stay busy and surround yourself with people you love. Realize that it is okay to be a “pathetic lonely woman” every now and then… you are human! Just don’t let it consume you. I know, easier said than done.
Thank you both for your sacrifices… you will be in my prayers. Best wishes.
Post # 12
I’m sorry to hear about your rough times! None of that sounds easy or fun! 🙁 That’s a lot to deal with all at once – not only are you lonely and you miss your man, but you’re also dealing with a postponed wedding, worrying for his safety, living in a new place, and not having a place to yourself! That’s a lot!! You deserve all the time you need to wallow and adjust to this. I’m LDR too and I’m having a tough time of it as well. Everyone told me it would get easier too, but some people do well with long distance and others don’t. I don’t mean this as a downer, and I don’t mean that it won’t get better eventually. It’s just that for some of us it is a little more difficult and will take longer to adjust and find ways to make our own happiness in the meantime. This may or may not work for you, but I read books – any and every book about marriage or relationships I can get my hands on, It helps me feel like I am still connected and working on my relationship even when he’s not there and I’m frusterated. It helps me keep a semi positive attitude, which is one thing I can control. Good luck 🙂
Post # 13
I hope you get the FRG position! Keeping yourself busy, I swear, is the only way to survive a deployment without feeling like a hot mess 24/7. Distraction is key and use your free time to support your FI. They love cookies–send enough for the battalion. A lot of those boys don’t have good families or SOs to send them stuff. I always sent tons of stuff for them, too, and they always always appreciated it.
Post # 14
I’m sorry that you’re going through this–but I have to say ejs gave you some great advice! I’ve found that the key is to stay busy, but not so busy that you don’t spend time with friends/family. Just keep focused on pursuing your interests, and time will start to fly by, even though there are times when you feel like time is dragging. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, I hope you get the position!!!
Post # 15
YES to what many have said!
well for example…look at what guffee said! (HEY GIRL) her and I are friends and would sooo keep eachother BUSY, ANYTHING to keep our minds off our men being gone! It stinks, and it will get better but WONT go away! Just find your own routine, find ways to keep busy and your mind activiley involved with SOMETHING so you have less time to sit around and think about how much it sucks! So many other have pretty much hit anything else I could possibly say! Best of luck dear!
Post # 16
Sort of, although, no one can thank you enough for the sacrifices you and your family are going through for this country. My whole family is military, including my brother. His wife was amazing even though it was really hard on her. But my FH has had to work out of town for the better part of a year and I know how hard it is to do everything on your own. It sucks seeing and reading about all the things couples are doing together to get ready for the big day, many days I am horrible jealous. But it will all be worth it in the end. He will be home safe (saying a prayer for him) and you will be looking forward to spending the rest of your life with the man you love. It will be the hardest thing you do, not telling him all the stress you are under. Contact your FRG, they will have a ton of people you can talk to as they are in the same boat.