- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
I just wanna see some peoples’ thoughts on this. You don’t have to read this long thing though! ha!
I have a few VERY religious friends, who view marriage as “you’re married in the church and that’s it”. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve dated, just that you’re married in the church, by the church, and you abstain from, er, EVERYTHING intimate. Because, all of it is a sin. One person told me it is "better" to know the guy for a few months, get married, then do it, versus date the guy for a few years, do it, then get married. I can’t wrap my brain around only knowing someone for a few months! My take on it is very different. While I am religious, too, I adapt things to my personal life. Maybe I am justifying, I don’t know. I have had friends who tell me this is “wrong”, but this is just how i live my life. I see marriage as devotion between two people who are monogamous and are serious about each other. But that maybe life at that very moment doesn’t make it plausible to actually literally tie the knot. And that if you are truly committed to each other, it’s essentially a “marriage”. An emotional one if you will. But that when you do actually get married, it’s essentially the paperwork tying you two together even though the committment has already been there. At least that’s what it used to be back in the day when people married at 15, didn’t know the dude, their parents paid a dowry, and that was it. There really wasn’t paperwork, you were just together and it was accepted as a marriage. It didn’t matter if she was happy, her job was to have babies with the guy. I have coworkers who believe I shoudl quit my job to have babies, though, but i won’t go there
So I have this question in the back of my mind. Do you consider it more “sinful” to be with someone, but be committed as if you were married, or does none of it matter as long as you actually physically get married? Believe me, I know the Bible mentions no premarital nooky. But, what is “marriage” essentially? How do you view and interpret this? I know there are likely a lot of religious people out there like me who have already ‘been’ with their significant others, so how do you warp your head around this? This never used to bother me…I’m just getting a lot of negative feedback from the people closest to me. Why it’s any of their business beats me.
I guess there are a lot of factors, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, that certainly isn’t my intention, but I’m relatively tired of my friends being judgmental. My marriage won’t be “real” or “mean as much” because my FI and I have already been intimate and we are getting married outside, not in a church. I think that’s an incredibly rude thing to tell someone. I’ve already had one person tell me that the reason HER boyfriend doesn’t try to sleep with her is because he loves her…we weren’t quite sure what that meant, but it made us all exchange looks. I am literally one of the few of my friends who has been with someone, even though my FI was my only one.
Ok ladies, fire away! And I won’t be offended by anything you say…as long as you don’t tell me my wedding day doesn’t count! I’m just curious to see what opinions are out there. I live in the midwest, so it’s pretty standard around this neck of the woods as to what people believe.