(Closed) A major setback….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honey I just want to give you a big hug.

Is marrying him an a jail what you really want? is it what he wants? You can’t celebrate after- or go on a honeymoon. Depeneding on where he is, you might not even get a conjugal visit. No toast, no family, no friends.

I understand that losing him might have had an impact on you, but think rationaly. Unless he did something that’s going to result in major time- he should be out relitivly quickly.

 

Now-if he did something that’s going to land him in jail for 1+years i think you need to take a good, hard, look at the kind of person he is and stop ignoring all these signs.

 

Post # 4
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So, either he did something pretty serious (more than a “mishap”) or he has a criminal record already… otherwise he would have been bonded out. There is not a lot of incentive on the part of the state to keep a non-violent first time offender behind bars.  You know him better than we do, but are you POSITIVE he isn’t a bad guy?  Is “not a bad guy” good enough for you? Why not a WONDERFUL man?   Please don’t get annoyed with people who tell you not to wait for him… you may not agree, but they probably care about you and are looking out for you.

Getting married in prison is not a joyous occasion. Most prisons do not offer conjugial visits – thats mostly a thing of the past. You will not be able to be alone with him at any point. You may not even be allowed to take pictures or bring in food or cake.  You will have to find out the rules of the individual facility.   I personally can imagine few things more depressing and sad and setting an unpleasant tone for a marriage than having it in prison.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Best of luck.

Post # 5
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissFormaldehyde:  Honestly, I would postpone the wedding and use the money to get him a good defense attorney.  I’m not sure what kind of a drunken “mishap” would land you in prison where you’d be facing some time, but I think a lawyer will be the best way to spend your money at this point.  If you do decide to go through with a prison/jail wedding, you will basically have very little choice in what can be done.  The facility that you intend to host the ceremony at will probably dictate the time, officiant and cost.  Best of luck to you and your FI no matter what you choose.

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh god… I just read your other post.  Hunny, this man is NOT a good guy, he’s not even “not a bad” guy… he IS a bad guy.  Please just use this as your key to walk.  You will be so sooooo soooooo relieved when you heal from the disappointment that you did not marry this guy.  People are telling you not to wait around for him because he’s an abusive manipulative man with mental problems and now a felon to boot.

I know I can’t convince you, but I’m sending vibes and energy and anything else I believe in that you will leave this relationship, or at the least, not reproduce with him. 

You can do better. You just need to believe that.

Post # 7
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Perhaps you need to take this “setback” as sign that this relationship is not meant to be. Based on your past posts, it’s evident this guy is not a good guy. There is a reason people are telling you not to wait- take your blinders off. He’s emotionally abusive and now a criminal on top of it. Is the really the kind of man you want raising your kids? 

it seems you have a void in your life that you think can be filled with marriage and a baby. You are 20 years old, about to settle into having your wedding in a prison, and were TTC after a few months of dating this reject.. Get yourself some professional help. Marriage and a baby won’t help your self esteem issues. 

Post # 8
Member
5310 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@UltrasoundTech:  +1

I’d consider this so called “setback” a very lucky break and new opportunity for you to separate yourself from this man and move toward becoming a healthier you before you get involved with someone again.

 

Post # 10
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your posts scare the crap out of me. I really hope that you will be able to free yourself from the toxicity that is this guy. I am really sorry that I can’t help you with your specific questions, but I urge you to treat this not as a setback but as an opportunity to move on.

Post # 11
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’d take this as an opportunity to move far far away from this guy while he’s in jail, and set myself up to start again! Seriously! You’re all of 20, and your partner has been abusive for the most part of your relationship, and is now in jail for something unrelated.. Run!! It’s definitely a sign to leave!!

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You’re trying to have kids with him? Is that right? How would you feel if your daughter said ‘mum, this guy has been emotionally abusive to me for the majority of the time we’ve been together, now I want to marry him while he’s in prison, and have his babies’… 

You have your whole life ahead of you.. This guy must have something no one else can possibly see for you to want to be with him after everything that’s happened..

Post # 13
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Don’t marry people who are in jail. Don’t marry people who have serious drunken mishaps. Especially don’t marry people who have drunken mishaps that land them in jail. In your last post you said at one point he was so mad that you were afraid he would hurt you. Given this “drunken mishap,” I’d say you were very lucky he DIDN’T hurt you. Please, please take this as your cue to leave. And please get therapy for your depression issues and the self-harming you mentioned in your last post. I have been there, with both depression and self-harming, and KNOW it can get better. It’s a hard path, but you are strong and you can drag yourself up into the light. Believe it.

Post # 14
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Omg, don’t have kids with this man. Don’t raise kids who will have an asshole for a father and who will grow up to be like him, or like you, someone who will put up with abusive, irresponsible, criminal crap like that. I suppose they could beat the odds and turn into well adjusted people like some Bees on here, but man, why set them up for failure?

Post # 15
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Is this really the man you want to spend the next 60 years of your life with? Is this really the man you want to father your children? 

I think you have some serious issues around your sense of self worth. There are over 3 billion other men in the world. Why you would settle for this one is beyond me. 

You are 20 years old. Get or finish your education. Make something of yourself. A guy like this will only drag you down. 

Post # 16
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, it’s a major setback in his life but not in yours.

Please reconsider getting married to this man.

Would you support your daughter if she was considering getting married to a man like this guy? 

If you decide to go to through with this, at least make sure you have some form of higher education and a part-time job that requires useful skills. You’re young (20?) and your parents can still help you if you fall on hard times. 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

The topic ‘A major setback….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors