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If you don't think it's the best idea then DO NOT DO IT! If you're all friends you don't want to be put in an awkward situation... And if he expressed an interest in you already (like it isn't just a hunch that he has feelings) then who's to say he won't try something?
If you were comfortable with it and your FI is comfortable with it, it wouldnt be a big deal. But it doesnt sound like you are. I would ask him to find another place to stay, or let him spend the night and you stay with a female friend if you have more friends in town than he does.
I would tell my FI that I am having uncomfortable feelings about this situtation (and maybe my friend if you guys are that close). If your FI doesn't want to do anything then you can always stay the night at a girlfriends. I know that I would like to have the piece of mind something isn't going to happen.
First of all, how serious is he being? My husbands friends always joke around with about "stealing me away" and the like, and it's completely innocent and meaningless.
If your fiance is okay with him staying over, I'd say that's a good indication that he is not taking his friends comments very seriously (and obviously that he trusts you)
If you're not OK with it, talk to your fiance to arrange something else... but if he's joking about the whole thing, and it's making you uncomfortable, something should be said tastefully so he will stop.
I don't know. It depends on how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable about it i.e. that you're worried he would be really sexually open/aggressive to you, then don't stay with him alone. Or if you're worried that you would be interested in him, or something would develop (I'm sure that's not your concern, just throwing it out there) then obviously then it's a bad idea.
If, on the other hand, you just think he's harmless and it seems inappropriate, I wouldn't worry about it. Hypothetically I don't think there's anything wrong with the situation, but you shouldn't ignore serious concerns and go ahead with it if you're nervous about his behavior.
I wouldn't want to do that either! I'd say to trust your gut. There's a reason its telling you this isn't a good idea. I don't know how you can get out of that situation without offending him but I'd try to figure something out. Is he there to visit other people also? Or just you guys?
Ooh, I'd say follow your gut instinct on it not being okay. Maybe nothing would happen, but it seems like a set up for awkwardness at least. Do you have a friend you could stay with for the night?
Wow, I'm really surprised your guy is okay with his friend's admission and subsequent overnight stay alone with you. Trust that little nagging suspicion of yours and tell him that you're not comfortable with it. I would hate for something to happen and then for some reason the blame come back on you. I don't see that happening, don't worry, but I'm a pessimist sometimes and have to think of worst-case scenarios. It's unfortunate that your friend has declared his feelings because now it will always be an issue among you guys. I feel bad for him because unrequited love can suck, but this is a complicated issue. Good luck, and let us know how you continue to deal with this sticky situation. It may be more common than I realize.
I wouldn't be comfortable as the woman staying in a house with a man who has expressed interest, especially if my FI is away.
It opens up doors that should not be open.
But if you feel comfortable, your FI feels comfortable and you set STRICT bounderies with the friend (ie. no being in a bedroom together alone, not sitting on the same couch, etc) then good luck :)
Invite some more people over and make an evening of it!
If you're uncomfortable, do something to get yourself out of the situation!
I think daydreamwanderer has a good idea. Are there mutual friends you could invite over? Maybe a single lady friend?
Barring that, I really think you should trust your gut. You should never be in a position where you're uncomfortable in your own home.
In my personal opinion only, this isn't appropriate. Kudos to your man for being cool with it, but it just seems like a bad idea to me.
I agree with most of these Bees, I think it would be an uncomfortable situation, I alson think MissHelen has a good idea, invite a/ a few people over to stay the night as well so you don;t have to ask him to find somewhere else to stay.
I would say what the other girls are saying here and go with your gut OR have a single friend stay with you that weekend.
Either way...alone with this guys doesnt seem like a good idea.
Honestly I wouldn't be okay with it. Even if he was 100% joking, I think it's inappropriate for you to be alone like that with any guy. If I were you, I would make one of my girlfriends spend the night, preferably a single one he could possibly be interested in. That way your friend doesn't get put out for having a place to stay adn you have a 'buffer' making the situation more appropriate and preventing any real moves he could potentially make on you.
Thank you everyone for your replies!
The problems here are:
We all met online, so we don't have any mutual friends HERE, our mutal friends are all over the place. But we've spent quite a bit of time (online and in person) with this guy, so, if FI was here, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to have him in my house.
Do I think he was serious, and not joking? Yes. Without a doubt.
I also don't understand FI being okay with it, because if the situations were reversed, I would be a giant nutball about it.
What should I do to entertain him? We can take my dog to the dog park, but what else?
I guess it depends how good a friend he is. One of my best guy friends was VERY into me. With my first boyfriend, told me he wished i was with him, not my boyfriend. Still had a thing for me when i started dating my husband. Even so, I wouldn't mind if he stayed over. Even if he had a crush on me, i know he'd never act on it, and he always knew my heart was with someone else. This never bothered my husband, by the way. He never cared that my friend was SUPER into me and wanted to date me before.
I think having a mini party is a good idea. If you are uncomfortable with it, nothing we say will change that. You know your friend.
Ok if party is not a good idea, just do your normal thing. Maybe your friend will spend time on the computer. Just keep it ultra platonic. Clean house or something
YOu don't need a mutual friend, just invite any girlfriend over!
Just curious, what are you doing online?
@Moderndaisy: what, right now? Or...at all? Heh, I should be cleaning the bathroom, you just made me feel like I was in trouble.
OR, did you mean how did I meet him?
I think that, if it makes you uncomfortable, you should make arrangements to ensure that the two of you aren't alone together.
There's no reason why you have to saty in, right? Round up some of your girlfriends, including at least one that you "think he'll really like *winkwink*" and head to a movie, bar, dinner, etc.
Nothing puts a damper on a dude's romatic imaginings like having the object of his desire try to set him up with someone else.
I'm going to guess you met playing WoW or something like that. I know two people happily married from meeting there!
I think I would be okay with the overnight part (since you'll be sleeping in different areas), I would be more worried about having to entertain him for hours before that. I think you should invite a friend or two over because that just seems awkward. I am surprsied your Fi is okay with it, mine definitely would not be.
@Bailzoe: You're right, is my nerd flag showing? I thought it was hidden!
I met my FI playing WoW, so it's no surprise that we have several friends from there as well.
The only people I really know in this state are FI's cousin and two of his coworkers. (We haven't lived here long). Jesus, I need some friends who are girls.
Not at all! Been there done that, bad mistake! Hah! I have a few good friends from when I played (I've been sober for nearly two years now... quit after I got tired of farming Naxx for the second time haha).
@Quietserenity: I think if it's going to be impossible to invite someone else over, then you guys need to not spend a ton of time together at home alone. Try to go out for the evening, and then when you get back, maybe he can hang in front of the TV or on a computer or something, and you can separate yourself into you and your FI's bedroom with a book.
I know I'm old-fashioned when it comes to these things, so I say have him make other arrangements. I'm surprised that your FI is okay with him staying the night considering he's expressed feelings for you. If he absolutely has to stay with you, though, then I agree with @gemstone. Also, I would say that if your gut reaction says it's a bad idea, then it's probably a bad idea.
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Okay. Short version:
FI and I have this male friend. He spends equal amounts of time with both of us. A few months back, this friend expressed interest in me. Not like a "I want to date you" but more of a "I wish you were free so I could pursue you" type of thing. FI knows all about it, and our friend knows he does, so we all continued to be friends. He's made a couple of comments since then, but nothing to write home about, and like I said, FI knows it all.
Well, this weekend, this friend is coming in from out of state to visit. He'll be staying two nights. We just found out that FI has to work an overnight shift, so it'll just be our friend and myself alone in the house all night long.
I don't know whether this is appropriate, considering that he has expressed interest in me. FI says it's fine, and I guess that should be my guide, but I just have this nagging feeling that it might not be the best idea?
What do you think, what would you do?