Post # 1
My Fiance’s father and Grandmother have tried to add some long lost relatives to our wedding guest list because his Grandmother feels it’s important to get to know them. We have tried 3 times to let them know that we don’t feel this is the right forum for this yet they are still insisting. We now have been asked to “placate” the family and at least come to a party at their home (45 min away) at 6pm the day after our wedding.
I’m not wanting to be difficult, but reallllly would like to have the opportunity to stay local with the many out of town guests who are staying until Monday as well as rest & recover and enjoy our first night together as man & wife.
We are not taking a honeymoon for another few months so instead we extended our hotel stay for this extra night… a bit of a waste if we’ll be gone for most of it.
Advice on how to handle this would be helpful!
p.s. Grandmother is a major meddler and had even asked to substitute his Grandfather’s attendance at our wedding for a distant cousin with a drug problem… “because it’s important to know your cousins”…. sigh.
Post # 3
“I’m sorry Grandma, but we have other obligations for the day after the wedding. We will make every effort to connect with the cousins at the reception.”
That would be my response. Don’t you love families?
Post # 4
@sudslover: Ah… problem is, these cousins aren’t invited so they want us to come to a party the day after so we can see them. Is this unreasonable or should we just suck it up and go regardless of how we’ll feel? (We’re also having a brunch from 10:30a – 12:30p the next day)
Post # 5
I missed the uninvited part, sorry.
Is there a way to invite them to the brunch? That may be the easiest way to placate Grandma.
You are not being unreasonable in wanting to spend your wedding weekend as planned. If there is no relationship now, there probably won’t be much of one in the future–even if you do make the effort to connect with them.
I’m sorry you are being put in this position.
Post # 6
I definitely think you should stick to your guns and not go to the party. Yes, it’s important to know your family, but the day after your wedding is not the only opportunity in your lifetime to do this. I think that especially because you are delaying your honeymoon, you need and deserve to have the next day free together, just the two of you. I would just apologize and say that you are sorry that you cannot accomodate them for the wedding, but that you also have plans for the next day. Your wedding shouldn’t come with a lot of extra social obligations that you aren’t interested in.
Post # 7
don’t do it. enjoy your extra night at the hotel 🙂 you wont regret it!
Post # 8
“I’m sorry Grandma, but we have other obligations for the day after the wedding, I have something special planned for my husband/wife.”
I’ll stand by that answer. It can be used by either one of you!
Post # 9
I think you just need to let her know that you will be busy the next few days after the wedding, what with still visiting with your OOT guests and revelling in the fact that y’all just got married. Tell her you would love to meet the rest of the family and that you can do so on another weekend.
Post # 10
THANK YOU!!! This is a very big relief to know I’m not crazy and I’m super grateful for all that weighed in.
Update: His Dad seems to ‘get it’ now, but Fiance will be tackling his Grandmother today – wish us luck!
Post # 11
Good luck! And, stick to your guns and plans. G’ma is definitely trying to assert her power here.