(Closed) A passive agressive pain in the butt

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
59 posts
Worker bee

No advice, but i’ve been the exact same way. i’m even starting to annoy myself! i need to seriously back off. not sure where it’s coming from, but it’s almost like a habit lately, i’m pestering him about a timeline and i don’t even know i’m doing it. ugh.

Post # 4
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Instead of being passive aggressive, just communicate. Passive aggressiveness is a one way road down relationship failure lane. If you want a successful marriage, stop playing games and lay it all out there to get the answers you need to feel good about moving forward.

Post # 5
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You’re feeling like this because you feel like you have no control over a very important aspect of your relationship.  You’re angry, frustrated, and scared about this, and you may have your doubts about if you’ll EVER get married.  Hence you lash out.


If you haven’t signed a lease yet, and are just talking about moving in together, could you guys make a compromise?  Perhaps agree that you won’t move in together unless you’re engaged, or within 6 months of engagement?


I know you don’t want to push this guy towards marriage, but some guys are fine with keeping things as they are.  There are guys (FI was one) that need the push to get the ball rolling.  This doesn’t have to be an ultimatum, but perhaps a frank conversation of “I would really like to be engaged now, and married next year.”.  Passively waiting for him to magically make it happen will stretch out this whole resentment process.

Post # 6
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with crayfish, you need to have an open and honest talk with your SO about what you want. You don’t have to be pushy, but you should communicate your wants to him and make sure he understands where you’re coming from.

Post # 7
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

What if you just waited until you were engaged to move in?  That’s still living together before marriage. 


abirdword explained it clearly.  It is very understandable to be feeling like that, just too many uncertainties and lack of control.  But as others are saying, these kind of things are good to talk about.  Not to make any demands, but to just share what your thoughts are on the issue.


I also read this book:

Shacking Up: The Smart Girl’s Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned by Stacy Whitman and Wynne Whitman


Stupid title, but it goes over what you’re going through now.


ETA: I backed out of moving in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend at one point.  I owned a house, he owned a house.  We talked of “being together” for the long haul, living together.  Then I chickened out.  I told him I think I need to be engaged before moving in (dating 2 years at this point).  I had a house to sell after all, kind of needed to be the real deal.  So we dated one more year, living only one mile apart, then we got engaged at year 3 and I moved in the next day LOL.

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