@PinkAndPearls2013: Hehe thank you. I just feel a little mad that women are called unreasonable while men start it by being insensitive.
I think this is a great example of women tip toeing around issues and trying to read clues/insinuate instead of being upfront. Whole debacle could have been avoided with better communication patterns.
I've seen this picture too. Reminds me not to overreact and drive my husband-to-be crazy! It's embarassing to be that person. :)
I'm gonna have to go with the girl side being more difficult to put up with. And yes, I'm a girl so I know bad that sounds, heh. Girls tend to over-think EVERYTHING and read to much into the smallest slight/silence. Just gotta learn to chill, give each other space and enjoy doing stuff together and enjoy spending time apart. Have lives apart from one another. Your own friends, your own hobbies, etc, but still have things in common. It's a tricky balance but the important part is to relax and enjoy each other :)
@FutureMrsEvans7: I agree. But also have the mentality of a dude. Ha! I would be the guy in the picture and my husband would be the woman.
eh, I'm a mixture. I can be VERY hormonal yet aware that I'm being insane... He even has a term for it that he coined for me (lovingly! honest lol) which is Uterus Head. I try to at least be aware that I'm being ridiculous sometimes. He is prone to to the occasional Mantrum as well. We all have our moments :)
Women overreact nine times out of ten. It's a bit saddening when people are so against the female stereotype, but the thing is, it wouldn't be a stereotype if there wasn't some truth to it.
So, yeah. Women are absurdly difficult to deal with.
Lol yeah I have been there only it wasn't a motorcycle. It was we were out of peanut butter bawhahaaa! I think men are the difficult ones. Why cant they come out and say no I am not upset with you? Or when asked what they are thinking about just say peanut butter!!! I know he would say I am the difficult one though so I guess it all depends on your persppective :D
Unfortunately, "you're overreacting" has been used for far too long to make women's feelings irrelevant, so it's a bit of a hot button issue and a point of sensitivity. Also, when you're genuinely feeling something strongly, being told you're feeling it too strongly is often unehelpful as it changes nothing about your subjective experience except that now you feel disrespected and unheard as well. There are definitely better ways to change the frame to make things seem less dire.
It is definitely an argument for more open communication. I have so been there though, thinking thre was a problem when it turned out he'd forgotten his umbrella at work or was having trouble beating a boss in a video game. (I don't think I've ever been THAT upset but I have worried needlessly plenty.)
@crayfish: True.
I can so relate to this picture though LOL *sigh*
@kvliner: People are socialized differently based on their gender from the time they're born, there are different expectations for their behavior and that's why men and women tend to end up acting in these different ways that are stereotypical of their gender. It's not that every woman acts the same way, but a large portion of them will act in predictably similar ways in certain contexts, and if you're an individual who is bothered by these particular sets of behaviors, I think it's fair to say, as a personal opinion, that women (as a whole, meaning most women or a woman who's exemplary of the group) are absurdly difficult to deal with.
@MabelleBliss: thanks. I was actually born on another planet and had never heard this sexist explanation before so I appreciate it!
It makes me so sad to see how controlled by sexism some of the women on this board truly are..
@kvliner: It's easy to label something "sexist" when you don't agree with it, but that doesn't mean it is.
if making making an awful generalization about women as a whole isn't sexist, I don't want to even hear about what you think IS.
I was more stereotyping as opposed to promoting sexism. Like I said, a stereotype wouldn't be a stereotype if there wasn't a seed of truth to it.
Do women react emotionally instead of rationally most times? Yup.
Do men internalize things and deal with it on their own instead of talking about it? Yup.
Do women assume and jump to conclusions quickly without assembling facts or extra circumstances? Yup.
Do men shut down when approached or sometimes slink into emotional seclusion when confronted? Yup.
Is this for 100% of people? Absolutely not. The majority? Probably, yes.
@Hyperventilate: oh my god, it's so sad that you've internalized it so much you think that's true. I feel so bad for you.
@kvliner: Sigh. I see I'd have a better response chatting with a brick wall with a smidgen of moss growing on it.
Edit: Thanks for proving my point.
@FutureMrsEvans7: a couple times on the Bee I've had to restrain myself from just saying "stupid women and their emotions again", so I agree with this lol
I'm going to have to say women are harder to deal with than men. It's very difficult to come from a simpler (not dumber, just simplified) way of thinking to complicated and far reaching. On the other hand, when I'm reminded of how a man might think of something, it is easier to accept and understand because it is simpler. I've often blown FI's mind my vocalizing my thinking process over some topic or another like:
I like the taste of the dish but am wondering if it's overwhelming when put together with these admittedly bland sides. I don't think people will mind, but I don't want them to walk away from the meal feeling like the sides were gross. Then again, if everything had a strong flavor then it might be just too much overall, and I definitely don't want the main dish to be bland. I think it tastes better without so much salt, but I'm just sensitive to salt and maybe the guests will find it bland...? ARGH. What do you think?
*Blink...blink...blink* I like chicken. The potatoes are good. I like string beans.
@Hyperventilate: sorry, I guess I get a little defensive when people make insulting generalizations about a group I belong to. Knee jerk reaction I guess.
@kvliner: Protip: I'm female. I belong as well. You proved my point absolutely brilliantly, however.
@Hyperventilate: the point that you proved is that people don't puke rainbows when you say nasty things about them, that's about all.
I'm not being snarky when I say I'm sad for you. I'm dead serious. I feel sad that you will spend your life being held down by nasty stereotypes like this one that don't have to hold an ounce of truth in your life. Do you enjoy being "absurdly difficult", in your words?
Woah what is with all the surliness on the boards tonight! Cant we all just be kind? Please?
@kvliner: I'm one of those women who "don't get along with women."
I was raised primarily around men. Am I difficult sometimes? Husband would heartily say I am. Am I like most women? In some ways, no. I tend to react more analytically instead of emotionally. I don't "fit in" with most of the women I grew up with and thusly I had more male friends.
Like I said before. The stereotype does not fit everybody in every case. Do I fit the stereotype? In some ways, yeah. Most people do in one way or another. So do men, dogs, trees and atoms. They all fit some sort of guideline that wouldn't exist unless most of it was true.
I do my best not to be a difficult woman. I would not be with my husband if I were. He has an attitude very similar to mine, and that's why we're together. I absolutely despise bridezillas, and thus, I strived to not be one. I can acknowledge when I am being emotionally out of line, and because I don't like being emotional (In a stereotypical sense), I do my best to actively police it.
Instead of throwing temper tantrums and shit fits like most of the women I grew up with, I let it roll off my back and I move on to make the best of things. I don't dwell on what pisses me off, and I act with my brain instead of my heart.
Pity me all you want. I won't fault you for your opinion, nor do I care how you view me. I don't ask for your pity, nor will I prevent you from expressing it. You disagree with me. I disagree with you.
@Hyperventilate: +1000
Tons of psych studies have been done on this. Stereotypes are like shortcuts. They're not always true, but they do help at times. They're not meant to offend. People are absurdly difficult to deal with.
I don't think, in this case, at least at first... the woman was overreacting. If her husband was normally talkative and whatnot, and always responded with "I love you", then his aloof demenor and his lack of response the entire night without explanation would be justifiably somewhat concerning. I don't think her picking up on details a bad thing.
Where it went wrong... he was stupid enough to say "nothing" instead of thinking "Huh? Why's my wife asking me this?" and also later when she specifically requested to go somewhere and talk. When your spouse asks you if you want to "go somewhere quiet to talk", that doesn't signal something important or raise red flags?? Also, he alluded to the fact that there was something by her description: "he said that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it." So there clearly was something, it wasn't nothing. He failed hardcore to realize he was acting distant and quiet in comparison to how he normally is, as well as letting her know there was in fact a problem, but instead of just telling her what he was thinking, he gives her just enough information to show there is something, and then cuts her off, which will of course just spark more worry/wonder/curiosity.
And, she was stupid enough to not know her husband well enough to know that he gets quiet and/or aloof when he's trying to figure something out. Not only that, but she was also stupid enough not to list X Y Z, perfectly understandable reasons when all together, caused her concern. Which she should have done, instead of just jumping to conclusions and giving up and crying in bed.
So... they were both stupid. haha. He was being generally aloof and stupid-guyish by being oblivious to his clearly atypical actions, her questions, and why she might be asking them. She was being too passive and "girly" by not expressing that she was concerned, expressing what caused it, ahnd then assuming the worst and crying instead of addressing the facts directly.
Being observant, detail oriented, and caring isn't girly. It's just... being observant, detail oriented, and caring... haha. My fiance does it a lot with me. He's not "girly".
Overreacting without reason is the stereotype of "girliness" that is on the table, I think. Not simply noticing and then directly questioning when something appears to be wrong... that's not girly. That's called perception and concern. It would be just foolish to stereotype that as a "bad" thing. Otherwise, you basically just ignore your S/O or... anyone. That wouldn't be good.
I've been known to over-think and be too logical. I am also known to say "stereotypes exist for a reason," which isn't always popular... as I say it about pretty much all stereotypes... So I wouldn't be good here. haha.
@kvliner: +1
The only thing that was bothering me was, why is this image used to highlight the overreaction and absurdity of women, when it to an equal measure shows the wierd secretiveness and absurdity of men as well. You can say both sexes are difficult for each other or you can say it's a Mars/Venus thing. Fair enough. But I don't buy into the whole "Women are more difficult to deal with" argument. That's like walking past a person's house without knocking and then complaining that he isn't friendly. Or like talking in a different language and then complaining that your audience is deaf/didn't pay attention. You can't accuse someone of being difficult, when the difficulty is partly caused by you yourself.
Also, difficult for whom? Women get along with women as nicely as men get along with men. Then are we talking about men finding women more difficult? But what makes 'MEN' the norm and 'WOMEN' the exception? What makes dealing with situations in the 'manly way' superior to dealing with them in the 'womanly way'? Just because we've been rendered voiceless and pushed to the periphery for millennia?
@kvliner: How is recognizing patterns that do occur, for whatever reason, being controlled by sexism? Am I supposed to pretend that it doesn't happen and women are always awesome? Or at least that they're not predictable in any way? I guess if saying that there's any negative trait more commonly attributable to one gender is sexist, then it's sexist, but you can't help but be aware of it.
Also, if anything, that obvious socialization explanation is less sexist. It says there's nothing inherently wrong with women, it's just a result of forces that are often overwhelming. That's being controlled by sexism.
@MabelleBliss: "I guess if saying that there's any negative trait more commonly attributable to one gender is sexist"
Sexism: "Discrimination based on gender, especially discrimination against women. Attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender".
Yes, what you defined above is sexist. There is no "I guess" about it.
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@kvliner:
This was posted by a bee, and initially I found it to be really funny. After laughing over it and shaking my head for a long time however, it got me thinking. Here is the image:
Now let me add a few lines to the story.
She [after reading his diary]: When I asked you last night what was wrong, why did you say "Nothing" instead of saying you were upset over your motorcycle? If only you told me that (and I was right, something was bothering you) you could have saved me hours of agony that you caused with your secrecy and mystery.
He: Well, I didn't think it was that important. I mean, aren't you overreacting a bit?
She: You were silent throughout the dinner and afterwards, you didn't say "I love you" back to me and you spent the time at home being distant and watching the telly. You are justified in worrying in this way over a motorcycle, and I'm overreacting because I was worrying about my husband?
So, that's the end of my little skit. What do you bees reckon? Who is more difficult to put up with?