Post # 1
Anyone else pleased about the Catholic ceremony not allowing couples to write their own vows? Is this the same in all parishes?
Anyway, I am happy about it because I really did *not* want to write my own vows. I think it’s very beautiful when people do, but it feels too personal to me. FI feels the same. So what a relief!
We write each other nice letters all the time, but they’re private!
Post # 3
We liked that too, but our priest will not let us say “I do”, after questions. We have to recite the vows ourselves which I’m not super thrilled about since I know I’m going to be an emotional wreck, so I’m sure I’m going to mess up.
Post # 4
I was relieved too! I know I am going to be an emotional wreck that day. When FI were deciding how to do the vows I voted for just saying “I do” because I will probably be crying. He wants to recite them to eachother. We are still deciding on this part…
Post # 5
Completely agree. I wanted traditional vows, anyway.
Post # 6
Yup! I totally agree it’s way too personal for us to say in front of everyone. There’s a gazebo on a pond at our reception venue where FI and I will say our own personal vows to each other by ourselves. The photographer and videographer can do whatever so long as they’re far away and out of earshot. I really want our vows to be just between us 🙂
Post # 7
I did not know that about Catholic ceremonies, though DH and I nixed personalized vows for our secular ceremony regardless. We are not public speakers, and I also could very easily see myself ugly crying my way through trying to say my vows if I had to read them…not pretty.
We were perfectly happy coming up with some simple and traditional things to repeat, and it didn’t mean we meant the words any less just because they had been said by millions of couples before…in fact, I think that makes it kind of special knowing that.
Post # 8
Oh my gosh! I hope our priest doesn’t make us recite them! I will cry so much and probably forget what I am supposed to say! We are writing each other letters the night before and having our MOH & BM bring them to us the next morning 🙂 Definitely a relief not having to write vows
Post # 9
Haha this is hilarious, because every time someone asks me if we are going to write our own vows, I get a big grin on my face and say “Nope! We’re Catholic, thank God!”
Honestly, though, even if we weren’t Catholic, we’d still probably just do traditional vows, although I’d be curious to see what he would write if we did write them. Maybe I’ll ask haha
Post # 10
yes, i was relieved about this too and my husband was extremely happy about it (i’m lucky he even gave a speech at the reception). while it would have been nice to be able to use our own words in our vows, it was definitely a relief to not have the pressure of finding the right words (and to have one less thing on my to-do list).
Post # 11
@solidarity: I’m very happy about it. Granted, I’m also a bit against personal wedding “vows.” This view stemmed from a book my husband recommended to me during our engagement. It is titled “Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar” and it is a compilation of articles throughout hundreds of years on courtship and marriage.
I’ve read numerous books about courtship, dating and marriage, but this book merely lets you think about what has happened throughout history and how things are changing rather than prescribing a specific set of “how do do things right.”
One section I love simply compares wedding vows to each other. It takes the task of lying them together side by side. Since personal wedding vows don’t come in that form, the author took samples from book on how to write your own wedding vows. All the religious and tradition wedding vows have a joint vision of what marriage is. The tend to emphasis the notion that marriage is something you conform yourself to, not something you conform to yourselves. This conforming yourself to marriage is an active and willful gift of self in love. It is not merely proclaiming that you’ve fallen in love and think the world of the other person. It is rather about your commitment to choose to love this person all the days of your life. Love isn’t easy. That phrase in the film (however corny the film was) “Fireproof” was “Don’t follow your heart. You have to lead your heart.”
Personal wedding “vows” really don’t tend to be vows. They tend to be creative ways of expressing your love publically: a love letter, a love song you wrote just for your wedding day, a silly poem. They’re cute and refreshing, but sound more like the couple is toasting their own love than marrying each other.
As such I think the Church has good reason not to let couples write their own vows.
Post # 12
Personally, I’m glad we’re not writing our vows and sticking to the traditional one. I’m not the best public speaker and he’s going to cry through his words. However, we’re sending a love letter to each other hours before the wedding. We can still cry and can privately enjoy the words.
Post # 13
We got through reciting the vows just fine, though we both got a little misty eyed. Y’all will do fine!
Post # 14
@twoangels: I COMPLETELY agree with everything you wrote! I especially agree with “personal wedding ‘vows’ really don’t tend to be vows.” They are often cute promises or nice sentiments but, in my opinion, do not usually sound like vows at all. (Real life example: “I promise to make sure you always eat your vegetables.”) My fiance and I agreed to not write our own vows before deciding to have a Catholic wedding because we want to draw on the power of thousands of years of tradition–conforming ourselves to marriage, rather than conforming marriage to us.
I think I’ll be checking that book out on Amazon!
And, yeah, I’ll be way too emotional to say much. We’re planning on saying “I do” rather than repeating the vows because we’ll probably both be crying. I think, if we REALLY wanted to, my church would allow us to say our own “vows” in additional to the traditional Catholic vows. But we don’t, not at all. My church is one of the most liberal Catholic churches I’ve ever been to, so they might make room for something like that in the ceremony. But I’m not interested.
Post # 15
@twoangels: Yep, I agree completely.
@odelly: I really do not care for most couples’ personal vows. I have also heard “I will make sure you eat your vegetables” MORE THAN ONCE. What the heck?? Are you vowing to become his mother or just personal veggie cop? Most personal vows I have heard are cutesy and awful and not at all serious. This is extremely serious for us, so not appropriate.
Post # 16
my very beloved FI’s cousin (4th) is being ordained in June and will be marrying us … is it wrong that I am aware we can’t write our own vows due to the Catholic Church rule but I *haven’t told my FI? He likes to tell me “no” and I like having ONE thing to tease him about …I know when we start our classes with the cousin he’ll find out (and find out I knew) but til then I just say things like “remember to include that in your vows” — but I am worried about being emotional and wanted more traditional anyway (but I don’t plan on admitting that til after he finds out)