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I'll start this off by saying my feelings about this are likely a bit irrational. I'd just like to vent.
My FSIL and I got engaged within two weeks of each other. For most of the time we've been engaged, people have been focused on her wedding. I figured once her wedding was over, we'd get our little limelight.
Her shower and wedding came and went. It was a beautiful destination wedding in Jamaica in December! All through the month and the holidays I made an effort not to talk to people about our wedding, because I wanted FSIL and her husband to have their chance to shine. People continued fussing over them in to the new year.
At my shower, they showed a slideshow of all her professional wedding photos, which she had just gotten back, and it was the main topic of conversation the whole time. I figured our wedding would be something people would want to talk about at our shower, but I guess not.
Well, our wedding day is just 8 days away and I just received an email from FSIL annoucning that they are having a "Post Wedding Shower" in March. This kind of rubs me the wrong way because 1) They couldn't wait a week to announce this? 2) We're STILL celebrating your wedding 4 months later!? Really!?
I know that she is the first child to get married, but it just seems that no one is excited about our wedding at all. She's had more than the whole year of being the center of attention and I guess I am kind of bummed that before, during and after my wedding, her marriage is so much more celebrated than mine is.
/rant
Good Lord! Enough is enough with this woman. What an attention ho
I have never heard of a post-wedding shower. What is the point of that? "I'm a married woman now, so buy me gifts"?
@ MichiganBride2012: LOL! You said what I was thinking.
Seriously, this girl seems to have some major insecurities! I'd feel the same way in your situation. Esp. right now - if you have as much stress as I do right now PLUS that? You're due some major sympathy.
wait, they played a slideshow of her wedding pictures at your bridal shower? I would have been furious.
and what the hell is a 'post-wedding' shower?
Sounds like someone needs an ego check. Big time.
Uh, what? I would be completely upset about this too. I do not think you're being irrational at all. Her wedding is over, it's your turn! And what the hell is a "post wedding shower" anyway?
@hisgoosiegirl: Yeah. Everyone was really excited to see the pictures and I guess they figured this was as good a family gathering as any. They're beautiful pictures, but it's like no one even remembers that we're getting married too :\
It's a shame that she's doing this and that people are going along with it. Someone should have shut the slideshow down at your bridal shower. :(
Your feelings don't seem irrational in the least.
heck, now it makes me wonder what she'll do at your wedding! steal the mic to announce a 'special dance for the sibling of the groom to celebrate their 2 month anniversary'? Special cake? Their own processional song?
Do you guys share mutual friends? If not, I'd just let her be and focus on your friends and family. Try not to let her get you down.
And what exactly is a post-wedding shower for anyways?
Well that sounds like a gift grab if I ever heard of one. Post showers work for babies since there's actually something to show off. Post wedding showers make no sense to me. Did she not have a shower before her wedding and wants one now? The whole concept seems like a desperate cry for attention. It's time for her to get over it and let you have your moment. She had her oppertunity.
I second everyone who wants to know what the hell a post-wedding shower is. Is this a thing now?
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. FWIW, in my opinion, your feelings are completely justified. She had her day. She doesn't need to keep cramming it down people's throats four months later!
@misspeanut: The trouble is, people are just as excited as she is! No one feels like it's been shoved down throats because everyone wants to keep celebrating it. I figured once you're married people congratulate you and then move on with their lives, but people STILL seem so interested that she got married.
If it's make you feel better, if I got invited to a shower for a wedding that happened 4 months prior I wouldn't go. And I would call it (dare I say?), tacky.
What a bitch. No other word for her. I wish I had gone to her wedding and was going to yours so I could go on and on about how much more beautiful YOUR wedding is. On the plus side at least now you have a time and place to show YOUR Professional Wedding Photo slideshow. :) Seriously I'd reply to her letting her know how your so excited to have the opportunity to show all your pictures at her 4-month after the fact shower!
hugs. i saw the title and was like omg really u need another way to get more gifts.. hopefully ur parents will tell her to move on and start being a bit more interested in the other wedding going on.
I feel SO bad for you. That's terrible. I've come to the conclusion that people are ridiculous. I hope that on your wedding day all of your guests focus on you and your new husband and you can finally feel like it's all about you. :)
If it makes you feel any better, I have someone in my wedding party that likes to be in EVERY picture all of the time... it's so bad that I've actually told my photographer already to not take pictures of her... only the ones that he's supposed to take of the wedding party. It's sad that we have to feel this way about anyone.
Umm, yeah, I would be pretty weirded out if I got an invite to a shower for a wedding that happened 4 months ago. It just looks like a big flashing sign saying *GIFT GRAB, GIFT GRAB, GIFT GRAB*
I would be pretty annoyed/mad, too, if I were you. Not irrational in the slightest. I'm sorry your family isn't realizing that this is inappropriate and that you JUST MIGHT want to celebrate and talk about your wedding.
oh my goodness, i am so sorry that her wedding has continued to overshadow things with yours.
you seem so sweet to have wanted them to have their time to shine, you would think that she would want to give the same respect to you.
my fsil is finally starting to allow us to have our time as the brides and to celebrate our wedding without constantly bringing up her own (her dress, her venue, the party, and on and on) and she was married almost two years ago! (and it killed me that everyone else still wanted to talk about it too - like, hello?!?! your other daughter is about to be a bride too!) - and side note, i love her and think she is wonderful, i just think she doesn't get it sometimes - she has since come around and i am super happy that she has
some people just feel as though if they aren't the center of attention then they aren't anything - i have always felt really good about giving people their moment and being able to help them have the best day (whatever they happen to be celebrating) but it doesn't always come back around.
i hope that you can somehow not let this upset you too much that it upsets you on your day - you don't deserve that. maybe she is just so totally clueless?
vent away on here - you probably don't want to start anything this close to your day and know that your day will be wonderful and special :)
Thanks for the support everyone. I know our wedding will be awesome no matter what! I'm glad I can vent on the Bee. :)
OH jesus christ.
This woman has really reveled in having all the attention lavished on her and can't stop.
You are not being irrational, enough is enough.
@deathbydesign: Can you totally show off your wedding video/photos at her Post Wedding shower?-and take over that show???
Whaaaaaat. Girl, I am so sorry. That is so messed up. Please try not to let it ruin your mood. You're getting married in just over a week, and it will be the best day ever, and that's all that matters. :)
@creativeplannertobee: HAH totally just laughed out loud in my office at that.
bah! she sounds ridiculous :( who has a post-shower?!?! (sounds like she already had on at your shower) LOL
don't let her bother you! 8 days!!! woohooo :)
@hisgoosiegirl: Totally agree. This is clearly and attempt to one up you, get attention, still your light, or just be a B! It smells like jealousy acts to me! Maybe she has alwasy been the number one girl in her brothers life and can't take it!
Also agreeshe sound rediculous! LOL
@creativeplannertobee: lol, I don't think the have the nerve... ^^;
Not that it matters, but did she even give a reason as to this post-wedding shower in her email?
Just a thought, as I do not know if you two or close, but maybe you could tell her how you feel? She might just be THAT oblivious.
I am not sure if she is involved in the bridal party, but if I were you, I would make sure she does not have a big speaking role or duty to mess up on your big day!
Sorry about all this, but girls can be just terrible.
Yuck. I cannot believe that they showed her wedding photos at your shower! That's so inappropriate.
That being said, my sense is that a post-wedding RECEPTION after a destination wedding is not at all uncommon. You'll see lots of bees on the boards who do that in order to celebrate with one side of the family or the other who weren't able to make it. But calling it a shower, where the emphasis is on gifts being purchased for her instead of "here guests, let me host you!" is not very graceful. To say nothing of the timeline, which is more than a little weird and crowd-y of them.
That's crazy!
And why did they show a slideshow of her pictures at YOUR shower? -_-
The only irrational one here I would say is her. This would TOTALLY piss me off!
That sucks! And the "post-wedding shower" sounds incredibly gift grabby. She needs to stop stealing your thunder! Maybe you guys should have the first grandbaby. :P
(Yes, I am just kidding and not actually suggesting that you create a human to get back at her, lol.)
You seem to be reacting much more nicely than I would. I'd be pissed! I do think a post wedding reception is reasonable, but a. Wait a week to send out invites b. Show some interest in other people's weddings and c. Don't show wedding pics at someone else's shower...that part's unbelievable!
Are you freaking kidding me? I would be so annoyed/frustrated/pissed! I can't believe they showed a slideshow of HER wedding photos at YOUR shower! That is beyond rude. Wow. I'm in shock about that. I can understand being excited that I just got my wedding photos, but I would kindly decline from showing them even if someone asked to see them, because the focus of the shower day should be on the bride. And about your main topic, the post-wedding shower...that is ridiculous. If I got an invitiation to that, it would make me think that the bride was trying to milk it for all it's worth and it's a bit overboard. Whew. End rant on your behalf. 
You're incredibly too nice to her. I'd say you should sweetly ask her if she can plan your post-wedding shower since you enjoyed hers so much and it wouldn't be appropriate to host your own. What's so going to do, decide to do a post-post-wedding shower?
But that's just my sarcastic side. You're being the bigger person but it's frustrating, I'm sorry.
Holy moose. A friend of a friend apparently had an engagement shower, then a jack and doe, or whatever they're called over here, (another?) bridal shower, then a hen party, then the actual wedding, then because she was pregnant of course there was a baby shower, and basically another by the time the baby came. Can't believe they hadn't thought of a post-wedding shower (your FSIL's a genius). All this in the space of a year and a half, after which the couple divorced. Some of the guests' (many) gifts had not even been opened. My friend was so pissed at having to spend what ended up being a ridiculous amount of money at each bloody occasion. Anyway... Re: the overshadowing thing, I feel for you. It's pretty insensitive.
@deathbydesign: Wow you must have a patience of a saint to put up with her crap. I feel for you. Honestly though I personally would've told her off by now. Hope you have a fantastic wedding and then rub it in her face!
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