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It seems like there is something on here every single day about how a proposal wasn't good enough. I think we all need to be reminded of the purpose and meaning of the proposal.
The fact that your man (most likely) went behind your back and purchased a ring or took you ring shopping says I Love You and I Want You. Because he was so anxious that he messed up or couldn't even go through with his plans says I Love You and I Want You.
When you put a tremendous amount of pressure on a man to propose, you're going to get disappointed.
My fiance proposed on Avery Island - an incredibly humid place where they make Tabasco of all things. I was sweating and ugly and there were bugs, alligators, and interesting smells. He pulled out a freakin' twist tie on accident...
But it was perfect because it was the moment he chose, the location he chose, and he chose ME.
Sure, it's only a moment you get once (or a few times) in life. Instead of looking at your surroundings or how the proposal went down, perhaps we should all look at the person who asked and say I Love You and Thank You.
Couldn't of said it better!
My proposal was what most people would call pathetic... but to me it was perfect. It took place at home right before we were supposed to go see a movie. It was short and sweet and totally unexpected. I think the proposal was super sweet because it was unplanned for him (and I). He had purchased the ring over 6 months prior but couldn't come up with something romantic and good enough for me (his words- not mine) I find it super cute because it was like he couldn't wait any more and just wanted to be engaged.
Agreed. I see this happening too often. I didn't even notice what was going on around FI and I when he proposed, I was just too excited that he was proposing at all! And if you don't have that feeling, well... I'd question why.
I love this so much.
When I found out that you can hire "proposal planners" I was floored. Really? Because men needed anymore pressure to make a proposal perfect? It isn't a show/circus.
@SFreeman2187: There really should be a like button on weddingbee! I agree with you 100%
Omg thank god!! I love this post!! Hardly anything in life is going to go exactly as its planned, and Im so glad that some of you bees realize that. My proposal wasnt super glamorous, but it was perfect for us. I love that most of all he chose me to be his partner in life!! No matter what I was wearing, how my hair looked, or what was going on around us lol It was great just like all proposals. Its unfortunate, because it really is almost everyday I read a post about how theirs isnt good enough,.. and more than anything that is just sad!
and here's the thing... if you make it clear you're dissapointed, you've just dumped about 49859348594 tons of pressure on the guy. If you get super excited and truly love it, the pressure is off, and a few weeks later he might be all "hmm yay...but...I was nervous as hell, I should have said _______________ " and totally blow you away AGAIN.
I was proposed to in the car, in the parking lot of the hospice where my grandmother was about to die and we were both crying. He thought she had more time and he could do something "special" over the summer, but...you know how plans go. So he came to visit that day and it was clear he only had a few days. The ring was back at our house, I was a snotty, sniffling, depressed hot mess, and thats when he asked. I hadn't eaten all day - so we had our engagement dinner at the frikking Outback, because we drove by it and my stomach was screaming at me to eat a steak, and a blooming onion, and a baked potato, and some broccoli, and a few drinks... but still, "dissapointed" did not cross my mind.
The next day I went back to the hospice with the ring and showed it to my grandmother. She passed away I think 4 days later. The wake was at least 3 dozen people doing this awkward "Im so sorry...OMGCONGRATSOMG!" thing... not exactly what every girl dreams of, but still, I was pretty psyched.
Fast forward 2 months, we're up in Maine watching seals play in the water by this old lighthouse at sunset, and he takes the ring off my finger and gets down on one knee. Tadaaaah! So now I get to choose, depending on how close I am with the person who asks, and whether or not I feel like I can bring up my grandmother without getting weepy, which proposal story to tell. :)
Most of us are insightful enough to know what pains-in-the-butts we can be, so, perhaps keep that in mind when we decide how to react to someone trying to tell us they want to be with us forever, regardless of how and where it comes out?
Thanks ladies. I think it's really sad to see people talk about how bad their proposal was. I also think it stings for the guy... and to see someone who had a proposal that, on paper, was better than yours disappointed about it... Well, that stings for other women.
Agreed. Great post!
Also, when something goes wrong during the proposal, e.g. he forgets to open the box or to ask the question, that will just make a great story to laugh about when you tell the grandkids. You are creating memories here. The autentic ones are always better than the scripted ones.
+1 to all the positive sentiments for this thread!
Haha! I am glad to know I am not the only two proposal girl on here. The first time I was a complete wreck and we had been fighting. (I was in extreme pain from a car wreck and don't bear pain graciously.) He told me I was perfect and he couldn't bear to spend the rest of his life without me. (It made me mad because here I had been a complete harpy for the past two days.) He was all sweet and loving and said I looked beautiful. (I hadn't showered in four days! It hurt to much to move.) Of course I said yes and cried but I was secretly wishing he had chosen a different time. I was in so much pain and the pain meds were doing strange things to me (like making me irrational and angry and feeling like I was on another (evil) planet).
So fast forward a few months and my ring breaks again. It was an antique and just to fragile (couldn't be fixed). He said he was relieved now he could propose again. He said he wasn't sure how much I remembered in my drug induced state. We found me another (sturdier) estate ring and he held it for a while then totally surprised me by asking me to marry him in the same place we are planning (Lord please no rain) to exchange vows. It was amazing and sweet and sometime I will go into more detail.
I agree if you give a man latitude they will surprise you. The important thing is the man who is asking. Froggy said the second time was easier because he was sure I would say yes. The first time he couldn't do it right because he was nervous I would say NO. I guess having 80% of the wedding planned and much of the stuff purchased gave him confidence. Plus I was no longer in the killing mood. LOL
This has been driving me nuts lately! My DH had my ring stored in our safe and could not find the key anywhere. I found him looking like he was about to cry because he had "ruined" the proposal. I told him that there was no way he could ruin it and found the key for him. He then made me hide in the bathroom so he could set everything up haha. Was it picture perfect? No way, but it was perfect to me because the man who loved me was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.
I really worry about how these girls are going to deal with things going wrong on their wedding day. You cannot plan perfect moments, they have to happen organically.
As a waiting gal, I have to give this post a standing ovation. I don't need a jumbo-tron proposal, complete with a string quartet and dozens of roses everywhere. At home in my pj's while I'm doing the dishes would be fine by me. Would the first one be friggin' awesome? Duh, but it's not who my SO is. I'd much prefer him to just be his usual laid-back self, and that's romantic enough for me.
I had two "proposals"... The first one was on a couch in the basement, no ring, no words of undying love, no bent knees or anything. It was sweet and nice and very "us". I was not disappointed. However, a few days later I started teasing him about this proposal. We have a relationship based on humour, so I knew 100% he would not get offended. Once we chose the ring I asked him to do something nice when he gave it to me. He agreed. He had the ring for a few weeks and I was getting anxious to have it, but he actually wanted to plan something nice and asked me to wait. The second "proposal" was very romantic and nice and I loved it and I am really happy he did it... because this time when he actually asked me to marry him I had a chance to say that I'd think about it :) Again, as I mentioned before, we joke all the time with each other.
So, I think that if you are disappointed and can communicate it to the guy without offending him, you should do that. He is supposed to make you happy (as you should make him too) and if you can actually help him with that, then why not?
@SFreeman2187: He pulled out a freakin' twist tie on accident...
I just had to say that this made me LOL! Poor guy he must have been so nervous! :)
A warning to Waiting Bees....
A proposal although it seems unromantic still is a proposal which makes it romantic.
I was proposed to in a cluttered living room, while packing, in my pajamas, with wet hair. He literally said one thing, asked me to marry him, and told me he loved me. He did get down on one knee. He had my mom's engagment ring because we couldn't really afford to buy one ourselves so she gave it to him months earlier.
I still cried and people tell me it's one of the sweetest things they've heard.
Thank you love this. I am just floored at the number of posts of women who are disappointed in the proposal. But, I suspect, that most of them are using that one event as the reason instead of a series of signs that show that they (or their significant other) is not ready for marriage. Because I think we all agree, when you love the other person and have accepted them for who they are - there is no wrong way to propose.
Love it! My husband never got down on one knee or technically even asked me to marry him. He just kinda pulled out the ring from his pocket and blurted out "I was thinking about sometime in April..that is if you will wear this" LOL...he was acting so weird the whole night and it just made it even more special and made me love him even more. Like you said, I love that he even went behind my back and got a ring and proposed...it was so imperfectly perfect!
Absolutely LOVE this post! My husband proposed to me in our condo after we had gotten back from vacation. I was about to eat some popcorn, and he rushed the proposal b/c he didn't want my fingers to be greasy. He totally forgot to get down on one knee, almost forgot to show me the ring, and was just 100% adorable about the whole thing. I wouldn't change it for the world!
I agree. It shouldn't matter how he proposes, just that he does. We were sitting outside the Dairy Queen one night, and FI said, "I want to marry you." So I asked him, "OK. Is this a proposal?" And he said, "Yes." No rings, just lots of love. But, we have known that we wanted to get married since, oh, about a week after our first date!!
We got engaged in our kitchen on a Sunday morning. I was wearing a robe and he was wearing a towel. He set the ring box on the kitchen counter with a note and waited for me to come out and discover it. I read the note, opened the box and practically fainted. Lol
Then I handed him the ring, he put it on my finger as he asked me to marry him (no surprise since the wedding date was set:). It was his idea and I loved it. Besides which, it doesn't really matter because no matter how we got there, I am married. To the best man in the world (for me:)
Well said OP! I think your guy pulling out a twist tie by accident is adorable!
I agree..
My fiance proposed in a way that some would find unromantic but it was perfect for me and us. All I wanted was to have a life together and he was telling me that he chose "Us" for his future. I'm tearing up right now as I think about it. I feel like such a lucky woman and wouldn't change it for the world
Great post.
My FI didn't plan anything special. He said he'd had some ideas, but once he had the ring in his hands, he just had to ask me that night when he got home. I think it's adorable that he couldn't wait even a day once he had the ring and our low-key at home proposal was just fine with me.
My proposal wasn't "romantic" either. The day before we looked at rings online. The next day we went a picked out my ring (FI has a hard time choosing, so our jeweler made me come up when I got off work since I work right next door). He went to his parents to show them the ring, and I came home still in my work clothes. I was sitting on the couch when he came home. He went into our spare bedroom/his office. When he came back out, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, and I cried like a baby. It was perfect for us.
THIS:
@jujubee421: "...Because I think we all agree, when you love the other person and have accepted them for who they are - there is no wrong way to propose."
Let me tell you about my 1 1/2 year spanning proposal. FI told me randomly one morning before either of us had gotten out of bed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. My hair was a mess, not to mention my face and let's not forget morning breath. Romantic? No, but I was teary and said yes, and we went about our day. No ring, no problem. Maybe he had something big planned for later. Chocolates and candles and carriage rides. Oh my! Nope. That was it.
A few months later we decided to go ring shopping. Instead we found out I was pregnant and decided to put it off. I don't care what anyone says, child rearing ain't cheap. The entire pregnancy I was a mess because I had this fear of having a child out of wedlock. I knew he felt guilty but the money just wasn't there. I was not a delightful woman during pregnancy but somehow he didn't change his mind. Bless him. Now for the good part...
About a year later I had gotten over my foolishness thanks to the joys of a new baby. Perhaps the lack of sleep had something to do with it as well. Note* Colic + Breastfeeding = no sleep for you. FI had been laid off just after our son's birth but we were managing to make ends meet. A proposal was my last priority. Then one day he came home from "job hunting" and took our son to the nursery to change him. I don't think I'd showered yet and I'm sure I was cranky. He returned quickly with our son complaining about not being able to get the snaps open on his onsie. I was annoyed and tired and said I'd just do it myself and wait...what's that? Our son's onsie had the words "Will you marry my daddy?" embroidered across the chest. Tied to his wrist was the ring I'd drooled over in a store for months. My best friend was a jeweler and I later found out she'd pulled every possible string to discount it so he could afford it on unemployment. I'm quite proud of my 1 ct white and canary diamond ring because I know how much thought went in to getting it.
So ladies I think we can agree this is not the engagement set up that most little girls dream of. And you know what? I am much happier with how it turned out. My son is three now, the job situation is secure and we're finally able to have out wedding. In all this time I've learned something. Fancy proposals and fairytale weddings don't ensure a successful marriage. Knowing that you can actually make it through sickness and health, for richer or poorer? That's the trick.
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