(Closed) A question for waiting bees..am I alone?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I had a minor breakdown last night, and was crying. I told my boyfriend something to the effect of, “I don’t want you to propose to me because I want it. I want you to propose because you want as desperately to marry me as much as I want to marry you. I know you said you want to get married someday, but there is a difference between it being part of the plan for you and you not being able to wait for it to get here.”

So no, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT alone.

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

And yes, yes, yes, COOKIES. I concur with the sentiment of cookies.

Post # 5
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

You are not alone! Sorry to say that these are just the frustrations of waiting bees. At least your not single and you have a lovely guy.

Post # 6
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

Feel you 100%! Boyfriend last night was talking about a friend of his who has only been dating his girlfriend 6 months (and SO and I have over 3 yrs together) and how he thinks within the next 6 months friend will propose because “He’s been waiting for this so long, she’s just improved his life so much, he’s so obviously happy with her” and instead of being only happy for the 2 of them, I’m thinking… so I don’t make you happy enough for you to just HAVE to propose to me ASAP??!!!! Why talk about one day, when you could be like your friend and do it NOW!  So yeah, feel you.

Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

@MissFireFlower:  I totally know how you feel. I said to my SO last weekend “I feel like I am dragging you to the alter” which annoyingly made him laugh hysterically. He eventually reassured me that he did not feel like that was the case in any way and that he was just reluctant about the financial aspect.  

My SO is very cautious when it comes to big decisions (even though he is spontaneous when it comes to most other things in life). He would not impulsively propose to me on a whim; he would need to be really sure. Even though right now that is a very irritating quality, in the future, I know that means that he will be cautious about the choices he makes in our marriage. Also, to their credit, it could be a sign that they take marriage very seriously.

Sometimes I wish my SO was more like, “I just want to marry you and we will figure the details out later” but I know that when he finally does propose it will be that much more meaningful.

Hang in there. Best wishes!

Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You are not alone. I had a lot of those moments over five years of dating. But I truly believe that it has nothing to do with you and your awesomeness (I am quite sure you are an amazing person). I think it has everything to do with your partner being ready to be engaged and be married.

My now FI was fairly reluctant to even talk about weddings before we got engaged. I would talk and talk and then feel horrible and pathetic because he kept saying ‘someday’ instead of ‘yes! now!’. Now that we are engaged, he is merrily helping me plan things, and he is SO excited and totally impatient. I think he really just needed to be ready, financially and emotionally, to take that step.

Post # 9
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I dont understand it either…on both levels. On one side, I dont understand why he wouldnt be itching at the seems to have this moment, this special thing, this BEAUTIFUL commitment with me in the way that I am. When you know YOU KNOW, and thats what matters. not the ring or the parties or anything…its walking down the isle and known when you walk back he will be at your side forever <3

ON THE OTHER HAND…I know I love him…he knows he loves me. being married isnt going to change that. we are desperately commited to eachother so having a piece of paper saying so wont change how I feel about him.

I waffle between which side I am on. Sometimes I cant even handle knowing we arent planning a wedding or that hes not uber excited like I am. Sometimes I know it will get here and I just love him, ring or no ring.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

SO. NOT. ALONE.

I just had that very discussion with my SO and long story short, he’s on the hunt for an e-ring now and promised no later than Christmas ^_^ hang in there. Sometimes they need a kick in the butt, that’s what my SO told me afterward. “Sometimes I just need a kick to knock out the rust.” 

Post # 11
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I love that movie, I just watched it a couple weeks ago on DVD! And yes, I totally know how you feel. It drives me crazy that he doesn’t feel ready to propose. Although at least I know that it has more to do with his need to feel financially secure than with him not sure if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. But after almost 6 years of dating, I am ready for the ring already!!!!!!

Post # 12
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not alone. I totally felt like this. It was eating me up that he didnt want to do it right away.  And when i found out he had more than enough money to propose i’m pretty sure i lost it.  I never thought i would be able to get over the resentment. 

But he did propose. And reminded me that he never said he didnt want to marry me, he simply did not want to feel like he was forced into it.  And i let go of all that anger that built up. Looking back i cant believe how crazy i was!

Post # 13
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not alone. Not alone at all (((HUGS))) !!

SO talks about marriage/wedding stuff all the time. Why not just get it over with & propose??

Post # 14
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You are not alone, I go back and forth from feeling great happy patient etc to feeling like I have NO CLUE why he doesnt want to just scoop me up and ask me to marry him because he cant stand waiting any longer. 

One day though, it will be worth the wait and we will be happy we waited.. hearing those words and him asking you to be his partner forever will be so so so sweet because we waited 🙂 

Cookies may help tho 😛 

Post # 15
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I will give you a cookie lol because I’m literally in the same position as you (as are probably most of us here) and cannot offer you a reasonable explanation! Who the heck knows why these guys don’t just do it – like they are just crusin through life not a care in the world ugh! Why aren’t they excited as us about the idea of being together forever especially if they know you are the one they are truely a mystery sometimes! It really hurts thank god for this waiting board it helps to come here and vent! thanks girls for allowing me to unleash my fury 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know mine would marry me tomorrow if it wasn’t for debt issues.  He doesn’t want me involved in any potential messes, so I appreciate that.

I think he wants it to be just as perfect as I do, and he feels like I deserve it to be as special as we both want it to be.

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