(Closed) A question of etiquette…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

If $20 is what you can afford, then do it. If all you can afford is a card, then that’s still fine. It’s only rude to give nothing at all. 

Post # 4
Member
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t think you should ever be ‘required’ to gift more than you can afford. If $20 is waht you can spend without falling behind on your bills, then that is your budget. His brother should have some idea of you financial situation and understand your limitations. Also it’s incredibly ungrateful for a gift reciever to judge you for not having spent enough on a gift.

Post # 5
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Give what you’re comfortable giving.  For me, who’s paying for the wedding is irrelevant to making gift decisions.  I generally try to be as generous as I can, but I’m not going to put myself in a bad financial spot to do it.  I don’t think you should either.

Post # 6
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I think they would appreciate anything from you. Im sure they know you arent rolling in money and even a heartfelt card is appreciated. And this is NON of your MILs business. How does she even know what you were going to give???  Why does she think she gets a say in what her son and DIL give? Tell her back off and mind her own business. Sheesh!

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There is no reason for you to go into debt for a party that isn’t even yours.  I’ve been to plenty of friends weddings as a single girl living on my own and $20 is ALWAYS appreciated.  If they turn their nose up at that, I would want no part of attending those wedding festivities.  A wedding is about the couple, not how expensive it is or how much money you’ll be getting in gifts.

There is always ways to be supportive to others getting married without blowing a chunk of cash.  Ask if you could make a salad or desert for the bridal shower or help with crafting centerpieces.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First thing is it’s none of your mil business what you don’t give. Second give what you can afford.

Post # 9
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, we also attended my husband’s sister’s destination wedding, and I was like… wow, it cost us more to ATTEND their wedding than THROW ours, and now we’re also supposed to shower them with gifts??  You should give what you can afford.  If all that is is a nice card, with a personal message then that’s what it will be.

If you’re looking in the $20 range, I’d probably look for something material and thoughtful, especially since you’re siblings.  If their wedding is coming up very soon, something like a pretty tree ornament or something. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Give what you can afford. If the cash amount is small, I think it’d be better to go for a personal gift. You can get something cheap but meaningful for them, accompanied by a nicely-written card congratulating them. Your mother in law doesnt need to know what you give them; that’s personal.

Post # 11
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think there are two things here:

1- you are super annoyed and maybe even a little resentful that you’re getting flack about your gift when you didn’t even get the wedding you wanted and they are out nothing. Rant it out sister- that would be super frustrating and you’re allowed to have all the feelings about it.

2- You don’t have to give a gift. The fact is if you choose to give a card/gift- make it heartfelt and only give what you can. I don’t think anyone would look down on you and if they give you backsass that is their poor etiquette as you didn’t have to give them a card or gift at all. 

 

🙂

Post # 12
Member
650 posts
Busy bee

To be honest if 20 is all you can afford then thats what you should give and if your mother in law wants you to give 50 why dont she just stick it in an envelope and write your name on it.

I dont get it. The fact taht you had a courthouse wedding didnt do anything elaborate because you are on a budget should tell her that you cant afford to be outing that kind of money on someone else if you didnt even do it for yourself

Post # 13
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If your MIL is so effing concerned tell her to fork up the extra 30

Post # 14
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

What did his brother get you?

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You should give what you can afford. That can be a card, $20, $50 whatever. Don’t break the budget that you are working so hard to maintain. It is also none of your MILs business. 

That being said, you need to forget the fact that their wedding is paid for. What you decide to give should have NOTHING to do with that. It should have to do with what you can afford and how close you are to the couple. There are little backhanded comments throughout your post that make it seem like you are resentful toward something your brother and his FI are perfectly entitled to have. 

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