Post # 1
So, I recently got married. My husband and I are young and just starting out, so we decided to just go down to the courthouse with our parents and a couple close friends, since we cannot afford a wedding and did not want wedding debt. We didn’t get anything from anyone as any type of wedding gift. His brother is getting married soon, and their (extremely extravegant) wedding is being paid for in full by the bride-to-be’s parents. Their honeymoon is also being handed to them – what I’m saying is that they will have no wedding debt – their shower, wedding money, etc are all profit to them. However, my mother in law is making me feel like I HAVE to give them at least $50. We are struggling to pay our bills, and I don’t have any extra money to spend – but I’m expected to contribute, what to me is a very large amount of money, to their leisure fund? Is it tacky of us to only give $20, which is the most we can realistically afford? I’m very worried, because I don’t want to seem cheap, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to miss work for every one of their wedding events, then buy them gifts and give them money when they don’t have to pay for their wedding and we are going through a tough time!
I would very much appreciate advice from someone besides my mother in law! Thanks, ladies!
Post # 3
If $20 is what you can afford, then do it. If all you can afford is a card, then that’s still fine. It’s only rude to give nothing at all.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should ever be ‘required’ to gift more than you can afford. If $20 is waht you can spend without falling behind on your bills, then that is your budget. His brother should have some idea of you financial situation and understand your limitations. Also it’s incredibly ungrateful for a gift reciever to judge you for not having spent enough on a gift.
Post # 5
Give what you’re comfortable giving. For me, who’s paying for the wedding is irrelevant to making gift decisions. I generally try to be as generous as I can, but I’m not going to put myself in a bad financial spot to do it. I don’t think you should either.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
I think they would appreciate anything from you. Im sure they know you arent rolling in money and even a heartfelt card is appreciated. And this is NON of your MILs business. How does she even know what you were going to give??? Why does she think she gets a say in what her son and DIL give? Tell her back off and mind her own business. Sheesh!
Post # 7
There is no reason for you to go into debt for a party that isn’t even yours. I’ve been to plenty of friends weddings as a single girl living on my own and $20 is ALWAYS appreciated. If they turn their nose up at that, I would want no part of attending those wedding festivities. A wedding is about the couple, not how expensive it is or how much money you’ll be getting in gifts.
There is always ways to be supportive to others getting married without blowing a chunk of cash. Ask if you could make a salad or desert for the bridal shower or help with crafting centerpieces.
Post # 8
First thing is it’s none of your mil business what you don’t give. Second give what you can afford.
Post # 9
Yeah, we also attended my husband’s sister’s destination wedding, and I was like… wow, it cost us more to ATTEND their wedding than THROW ours, and now we’re also supposed to shower them with gifts?? You should give what you can afford. If all that is is a nice card, with a personal message then that’s what it will be.
If you’re looking in the $20 range, I’d probably look for something material and thoughtful, especially since you’re siblings. If their wedding is coming up very soon, something like a pretty tree ornament or something.
Post # 10
Give what you can afford. If the cash amount is small, I think it’d be better to go for a personal gift. You can get something cheap but meaningful for them, accompanied by a nicely-written card congratulating them. Your mother in law doesnt need to know what you give them; that’s personal.
Post # 11
I think there are two things here:
1- you are super annoyed and maybe even a little resentful that you’re getting flack about your gift when you didn’t even get the wedding you wanted and they are out nothing. Rant it out sister- that would be super frustrating and you’re allowed to have all the feelings about it.
2- You don’t have to give a gift. The fact is if you choose to give a card/gift- make it heartfelt and only give what you can. I don’t think anyone would look down on you and if they give you backsass that is their poor etiquette as you didn’t have to give them a card or gift at all.
Post # 12
To be honest if 20 is all you can afford then thats what you should give and if your mother in law wants you to give 50 why dont she just stick it in an envelope and write your name on it.
I dont get it. The fact taht you had a courthouse wedding didnt do anything elaborate because you are on a budget should tell her that you cant afford to be outing that kind of money on someone else if you didnt even do it for yourself
Post # 13
If your MIL is so effing concerned tell her to fork up the extra 30
Post # 14
What did his brother get you?
Post # 16
You should give what you can afford. That can be a card, $20, $50 whatever. Don’t break the budget that you are working so hard to maintain. It is also none of your MILs business.
That being said, you need to forget the fact that their wedding is paid for. What you decide to give should have NOTHING to do with that. It should have to do with what you can afford and how close you are to the couple. There are little backhanded comments throughout your post that make it seem like you are resentful toward something your brother and his FI are perfectly entitled to have.