Post # 1
after just over 2 years together my desire2get engaged is growing. i get the impression from my boy that we would get hitched if the finances were better for us. we aren’t poor and both work but we only rent and don’t have much saved. the boy has expensive taste so i can see this being a pride issue and i’ve tried telling him i want 2be his wife not just a fancy day. our situation isn’t likely to change any time soon so engagement seems like it on even on the horizon. the question is,i’ve no doubt at all that he loves me but is my boyfriends reasoning just an excuse to avoid getting hitched all together and if so what shall i do?
Post # 3
Have you asked him directly: if $ wasn’t an issue when (if ever) would you want to get married?
Post # 4
You need to ask him directly, he’s the only one who can answer those questions for you.
Post # 5
I agree with everyone and think you should have a chat about it. I’m one of those people that see marriage as a financially benefit (you go from having individual income to having two…two bills becomes one…that’s good math to me…i know, it’s not as black and white..). If money is the only thing keeping you, then I hope you can work out a budget that will allow you to get married by a date you both agree upon.
Post # 6
I agree, I learnt my lesson from wondering, asking others advice on what this that and the other meant, and just directly had a serious talk with him. Sit him down and discuss what you may be feeling it works wonders.
Post # 7
I think the only way to find out is to ask him directly why he’s not ready to be engaged yet.
If it is all financial do you know if your parents or his plan to help with the cost of a wedding? Does he know?
My boyfriend told me he doesn’t want help in paying for a wedding (he doesn’t like accepting money or expensive things from his family or mine), and that’s part of the reason he would prefer to get married in Vegas. Would he be OK with a cheaper wedding? All things I guess to ask him if he says that money is why you are not engaged.
Post # 8
Hey bees thanks for your thoughts. we have specifically spoken about the fact that money is an issue for engagement. i said if we had lots of money would we be getting engaged and he said yes definitely.
i don’t bring up wedding talk too often as i think its nagging and im a romantic person so i like the thought of being swept off my feet by this. its just im ready, Every time i hear about another friend who got engaged or married i think im so happy and ready, how do i stress that without repeating myself? i see my friends etc moving forward with their lives and relationships and i feel like im getting left behind. the boy knows all this which is why im trying2figure out whether or not finances really is the reason for him dragging his feet? and if its dragging his feet that he’s doing is it ever a good idea2push?
Post # 9
Ah, I see now. You’ve effectively taken money out of the equation…and yet the finances are holding him back. Hmmm….could be either one. Check your gut. and check in with him. It could be he’s stalling or he could really want to do this right and feel financially stable.
If I were you I’d just share this concern with him . Something like “I love you and I’ve always thought we’d have a future together…lately I’ve been feeling uncomfortable becuase I want to get married and I’m not sure I see that happening any more. I don’t want to you to feel pressure or do anything you don’t feel ready for. I just want you to know why I’ve been distant/crazy/pulling away lately”
See what he says! Don’t “push” him, just let him know you’re having your doubts. It’s honest, it’s not demanding, and it doesn’t require him to do anything. Maybe he’ll open up and discuss it with you. Maybe not. You’ll get the information you need from just sharing your side of it. Then see how he handles his 50% of the relationship. Wait for a good time, and stay calm. Let him know your feelings!