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A rant with a happy ending(?) kinda long

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    1.
    Member
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    Samisomsam    March 13, 2010   Longview, WA

    Background: My granny (Mom's mom) needs surgery on her shoulder and was going to have it on June 30, but decided against it because the family is going camping middle of August and she didn't want a) be in pain while there or b) be stuck home alone.

    So come to find out she has rescheduled her surgery for next monday. I guess she is okay with not going camping and being home alone for a week next month. Granny is the type of person that believes everyone (especially her children) need to bend over backwards and give up their own families and lives to help her. My mom is the only child of hers that lives nearby so Mom is expected to take care of Granny while she is healing. Mom had to cancel our annual garage sale that we have all been looking forward to for a year (and that I took time off of work for) because she has to be with Granny.

    Before you judge me, I know that Granny will need help after her surgery. She won't be able to get dressed by herself or shower without help, etc. What I don't like and is part of the reason of my rant (haven't gotten to part be yet, it's worse) is that my mom is expected to be with Granny 24/7 and take a bunch of time off work and away from her own family. We don't have a lot of money for her to be able to take time off of work, but Granny throws a fit and cries and screams if she doesn't get her way. And she always does that, cries and screams until she gets her way.

    Did I mention Granny is planning on moving to Arkansas for a year to be near her son and expects my mom to drive her there? I didn't? And I didn't mention either that she is doing this in SEPTEMBER!!!!? I didn't mention that either? Hmm, silly me.

    Part B, the worse part of the whole thing is this. Granny will be living in Arkansas at the time of my wedding (she has known the date since this last January and decided this month to move). That's fine since she can come back for the wedding. But no, she told my mother during one of her moods that she might not come to the wedding because she doesn't feel like it. I was livid when my mom told me this. SHE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE COMING TO HER OLDEST GRANDCHILD'S WEDDING THAT SHE HAS KNOWN ABOUT FOR SEVEN MONTHS!! I wanted to call Granny and scream at her for saying that!

    I texted FI and told him all about it while I was crying and yelling at Granny to whomever would listen (since she wasn't there). I told him I wished he were here and he said he was sorry he couldn't be. After I calmed down some I took a bath and FI continued texting me to cheer me up (he can always make me laugh when I'm down). So my mom knocks on the door and asked if I knew that FI was here...What?! So I had to jump out of the tub and throw clothes on and as I got out of the bathroom, he walked in the door...with flowers. Aw!!! And he hugged me and gave me the flowers and wished me a "happy negative 8 month anniversary" (our wedding is 8 months from yesterday). I wanted to cry!! He decided to drive the two hours from his work to my house when he got my first text (which went something like "Mom cancelled the garage sale. What the (blank) am I going to do that friday?")

    So anyway, there's my rant with a happy ending (well, temporary happy ending, since I still don't know if Granny is going to come to the wedding).

     
    2.
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    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    kazoochair       Kalamazoo, Mi

    Your FI is a good man.  It really means alot when they go out of their way to meet your emotional needs:)

     
    3.
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    1,245 posts
    Bumble bee
    ggsb    June 13, 2009   Atlanta/North Georgia

    I agree that your FI is a good man! 

    I've been there with the granny situation....and it's hard.  I always felt like granny came first, from vacations cut short to missed graduations.  I'm sad to say there was a low-point leading up to our wedding when I literally broke down.  In that moment I told my mom that her choosing to be with granny instead of being at the wedding (which was a possibility) would be a cut in our relationship I wasn't sure would ever heal. I regret that moment a bit now, so I don't have any great wisdom for you except I kinda know how it feels (screaming/yelling/crying fits and all) and you aren't alone.  

    And it sounds like you have a rockin FI!

     
    4.
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    2,704 posts
    Sugar bee
    KateMW    8.30.03   Birmingham

    You've got a good guy! How sweet.

    Sorry your grandmother is being a jerk. Who doesn't come to their grandchild's wedding just because they don't want to? What? 

     
    5.
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    5,511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    Your man is SOOOO sweet and thoughtful.  I just "aahhhh'd" out loud! :)  

    As for your mom and granny - they have years of patterned behavior.  LET IT GO.  Yes, I know you want granny to be there for your wedding, but for whatever reason, she doesn't want to be there.  Do you really want her to be there, knowing she doesn't want to be?  She sounds like the type who would make the day more stressful for your mom.

    I'm sorry you have a granny who isn't more caring or compassionate - but try to be there for you  mom (by not giving her hard time about the garage sale and trying to pick up the slack for her while she's tending to her mom). 

     
    6.
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    5,915 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    to be honest i would be helping to pack up granny and send her off to her son in Arkansas now!

    sorry she isnt as supportive as you hoped but she seems a bit of a drama queen so let her carry on the way she is and continue with your wonderful plans with the people that love and support you

    flowers for your "happy negative 8 month anniversary"... hes a keeper!

     
    7.
    Hostess
    7,536 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    I'd be buying Granny an airplane ticket.  Wouldn't spot one for the son though.

    And your FI rocks! What a sweetie to bring you flowers on the almost anniversary!!!

     

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