Post # 1
The crime: at approximately 21:00 hours last night, exhibit A, one laptop, was found on the floor. The power cable was broken. We assume this was as a result of the fall from the table.
1. Male. Approximately two years old. Distinguishing marks: orange stripes on body. Orange eyes. White star on chest.
2. Female. Approximately two and a half years old. Distinguishing marks: grey and white, with a white nose and a black smudge on her nose.
3. Female. Approximately a year old. Distinguishing marks: tortoiseshell with ginger, black, and grey markings.
We interrogated said suspects on the incident in question, but they opted to stand mute. Suspect one later mewed, but we are unsure if this is evidence of guilt, or just a sign that he has wind. We tried to break the solidarity of the group by offering tuna in exchange for information, but they remained uncharacteristically in solidarity with one another.
Post # 4
Haha this is great! Totally needed this. Thank you. 🙂
Post # 6
Here’s what you do: Hook up a miniature colander to a bunch of wires. Tape the wires to a photocopier. Put a sheet of paper in the photocopier that says “LIE”. Separate the suspects and interrogate them individually. Place the colander on their heads and tell them it’s a lie detector test. Every time they insist that they’re innocent, hit “copy.” Hold up the copy that the machine shoots out and let them know the machine says they’re lying.
If that doesn’t break ’em, nothing will!
PS: Sounds like this might produce the cutest lineup ever!
Post # 7
@Rachel631: I AM DYING OVER HERE!!!! THIS IS SO FUNNY!
Post # 9
20:47 Hours. We have reviewed the records of the suspects. It would seem that suspects 1 and 3 are known associates. In accordance with procedure, we separate the two and commence interviews.
Suspect 1 was also a suspect in the Great Bird Incident of March, although he claimed at the time that his proximity to the feathers and head of the dead bird were merely coincidental. We mention this incident to him, to indicate that he has “form”. He remains stoically unbreakable, although his eyes dart around the room at the mention of the word “bird”. We debate the meaning of this.
Suspect 3 stares mutely at the walls and floor in response to questions. Once again, we are left to wonder if suspect 3 is congenitally stupid, or a secret evil genius. Seeing as she leaves the interrogation, and then runs directly into a wall, we suspect the former.
Post # 11
Please keep updating us! I am loving it so much!
Post # 12
I’ve got my eye on the ginger one. Those gingers are always up to all sorts of trouble!
Post # 13
21:53 When discussing the evidence with my co-investigator, this investigation takes an unpleasant twist… my co-investigator tells me that he thinks suspect 1 is guilty, because he is “ginger” and has “slitty eyes”.
I am appalled at this outburst of feline racism, and briefly consider reporting my co-investigator to the ethics and investigations unit. However, I restrain myself for the time being, to allow for a more thorough examination of the evidence.
Post # 14
OMG I hope you do a lineup!
Post # 15
@Rachel631: please dont stop!Im crying with laughter over here!
Post # 16
Post their mugshots!!! :o)