- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
What?! Why?? Is it really different, or is your wedding dress style a bit more unique? If it were me, I'd get my FI to ask her to wear another dress. That's just weird...
no its is a basic wedding dress that has rouched (sp?) fabric to the knee and mermaids out, strapless, just really simple and basic. her dress is in a light orange with the same rouching and instead of mermaiding out it goes straight with a slit. there are diffrences but it is definitely similiar.
I guess you just have to ask yourself if you can live with it, or if it's worth fighting with your FMIL over! To me, it sounds different enough that I would just forget it. The attention will be on you and your family (not the MOG) anyway.
agreed with rebecca - rouching around the midsection of a formal gown is a really common thing, and since they're in different colors with different skirts, i'd try not to worry too much about it. do the necklines/sleeves differ in any way?
i don't suppose you could link to photos to show us how similar they are?
If it bothers you that much, ask your FI to have a strong word with her about it. SOme MOGs pull stunts like this to gain more attention on a day that they feel is more about the bride and her family. Not saying that's the case here, not knowing her, but it could be.
sunflowers.jpg (49.1 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old
keep in mind, the MOG is not really the center of attention. No one will really notice what she is wearing.
If your fmil is wearing the same dress they will notice. Your fmil seems very rude and selfish to me. I don't know what to do; I haven't had these sorts of problems with my fmil. I'd talk to her I guess -- let her know that this is your day. Early on I sent my mom and my fmil an email with links to dresses that I liked, planting the seed for the style and colors I would like.
Is it actually the same dress? (same designer, etc?) Otherwise I'd drop it - it sounds similar but not the same. Orange is not likely to be confused with white.
Plus you'll look better in your anyways right?
they are both sleeveless with the same neckline, and same style up until the type of skirt. i am trying to find pics of both dresses so i can get all of your oppinions on if i am just overreacting or not. i do not know if this is a battle i can lay down with considering everything else she has done.
oh wow......i'm not sure what the right answer is to this situation....but to justify your feelings: I'd probably be upset about this as well....
my thinking: yes, your gown has a popular silhouette, but it seems that your fmil knew what your dress looked like and when she came across a dress that was similiar, she didnt not buy it.
i have no idea if her intent was malicious. but it does seem odd.
i'm sorry.
i'm trying to talk my fmil out of buying her dress out of one of those mail order catalogs....you know the random ones you get in the mail? i'm trying to get her to actually step foot in a store and try something on before she buys it bc I know she won't get alterations. i know its not the same...but at least if she can't be talked out of it, you know she won't be wearing some flowery concoction from Chadwicks. ;)
Everyone will know that it's your wedding so they will probably not even pay any attention to her. I wouldn't want your FI to say anything and start out on the wrong foot. How is your relationship with her? If it's not good, then maybe that was why she choose the dress so similiar to yours. DId she have a wedding of her own? If she didn't, then maybe she is sort of living vicariously through yours?
It would help if you can show us all a picture.
I wouldn't be surprised if you left your bouquet unattended and she might grab it and want pictures of her holding it! 
I don't think that strapless with a rouched (sp?) bodice and two different skirts in two wildly different colors are not the same dress. Not even close. Just let it roll off your back. It's not a big deal I promise. Nobody is going to look at you and say "Hey, isn't that your dress on your crazy MIL?"
I would be annoyed too. But it might not be worth fighting over. Plus, if I were a guest at your wedding and noticed the dress similarities my first though would be that your FMIL was a bit sad for attempting to steal the brides spot light. I think the biggest thing you would need to worry about is people saying unkind things behind your FMIL's back!
I can't really relate because neither my mom or FMIL would purchase a dress that resembled my dress...so I can't really imagine how I would feel. It sounds like an awkward situation and I'm sorry for that.
I think your feelings about your FMIL's dress choice probably has to do more about her generally (not just this specific dress incident). If not ...(that is, if she's a lovely, thoughtful, kind person who just happened to fall in love with a similar style dress, then let it roll off your back like KateMW said).
Don't let it get you down because it sounds different enough that no one will notice.
Meh... it's orange....noone will notice. I mean there are only so many styles for dresses. Granted my mom and MIL would never wear a strapless dress but maybe you can present her with a lovely coordinating pashmina so she feelds guilted into wearing it and reducing the similarities a little bit.
047.JPG (78.3 KB, 76 downloads) 2 years old wandering_jews.jpg (26.3 KB, 103 downloads) 2 years old 
Actually that sounds like it might look sort of nice together, two dresses of similar styles. No one is going to mistake her for the bride, and IF anyone thinks anything of it, they're going to be talking about her behind her back, not you. Let her behavior (and dubious fashion choices) reflect on her character and yours (and your excellent fashion choices) on you---probably it's best to let it go. Besides, I'd much rather have a FMIL in a stylish but vaguely similar to my wedding dress outfit than have her show up in something riotously floral with huge poof sleeves or shoulder pads from circa 1985. The alternatives could be so much worse!
I agree with the PPs that if it's close enough to make you that uncomfortable, it's really not appropriate. But I also think that were I a guest at the wedding, I would be thinking, "What a crazy deluded awful MIL" and not judge the bride on it...
First of all --- HELLS TO THE YES you should be bothered by this.
Secondly --- I think it's SHOCKING that so many Bee's think that 'nobody will notice'... excuse me but the most important person HAS noticed.... YOU!
And guess what? you are going to have photos for the rest of your life with that woman wearing a very similar dress to you and the more you look at it, the more it CAN (not saying it will) but can bug you. Do you really want that?
Talk to your FI, tell him that you really don't want to be drama, but you feel that his moms dress, though beautiful and looking lovely on her, is too similar and that it's a bit grandstanding. She knows it already, she admitted it! She needs to know it's inappropriate.
If his mom is a reasonable, rational and intuitive person, she will understand immediately, and though she might be dissapointed at first she will get over it and find another fabulous dress.
My mom found a dress that looked incredible on her, but it was the same exact cut as mine but in an olive green with beautiful beading down the front very similar to my own. It broke my heart to tell her it was too similar, but I knew that if she wore it, her dress would 'POP' much more than my cream dress as well as be more sparkly because it was colored (I am Glittergrl after all!). Photos is where this really plays out. I have shot many weddings where a Mother (on either side) shows up in a hot red dress and it totally grandstands the bride photographically. Guests may not notice, but it is a subconcious move that does show up in photos.
If you have pics that would help, but from what you've described the only difference sounds like the skirt.
I would be fuming!!! especially if we don't have a good relationship.
I don't mean to make you worry but I disagree with many on this post. The MOG *WILL* get noticed...she's the-mother-of-the-groom!!!!
The good thing is tho...that it'll be obvious she's either a sore loser...or has issues...the only one looking bad will be her! Who in their right mind chooses a dress similar to the bride????
Nutcases and sour grapes...that's who!
I can totally see how this would upset me if I were in your shoes...however, not knowing the entire situation, nor the formality of your wedding nor what the other attendants/MOB is wearing, than I can only suggest that on the day of, only a few people will really notice...and those who do, will probably think less of your MIL, not you.
I personally think she is being rude. She knows it is similar, so why is she wanting it?? If it is a wedding dress, it will be very noticeable that she is trying to be the center of attention. We all know that a wedding dress is made to stand out from regular dresses. I would have my fiance talk to her and tell her that she needs to wear something more appropriate. If that doesn't work, you could say something about it. A more round about way is to find someone who feels the same way, have them get a look at the dress in front of her and have them make a comment about it right in front of her. Something like"wow, are you getting married or the bride?" or "isn't that a wedding dress?"
Grrrr....the nerve!
Wait - nobody ever said it was a wedding dress, did they? It sounds more like her wedding dress is less formal, or made in a style similar to a typical evening gown, which is why I'm less inclined to immediately bite the MOG's head off til we see photos.
La-Sposa-Fresa-off-white.jpg (13.7 KB, 9 downloads) 2 years old la-sposa-fresa2.jpg (52.4 KB, 7 downloads) 2 years old
She purchased your wedding dress in a different color?!?!? That is insane. I know some brides get upset over colors and matching, etc. which I typically understand, but don't think confrontation is the issue! Holy cow! If she purchased the exact same style in a different color that is ridiculous. I've never! I'd say you're justified in being upset and I'd have your fiance have a word. Let us know how it goes.
I just saw an ad to the left of this webpage that reads:
"Mother-in-Law Hell, Don't Suffer in silence!"
It couldn't have hit the nail on the head any better.
It sounds as though she knew the style of your dress already and she thought it was similar to yours. If that is the case, she knew what she was doing, she wanted to cause a riff. I would tell your FI to deal with it. This is one of those times that your man needs to put your feelings above his mom's.
Good Luck
Ok, I just don't see it. I honestly think that everybody is making a HUGE deal out of something that isn't even a problem. No wonder most woman start out hating their MILs. She isn't wearing the same dress as you. It doesn't sound like it's even close. Strapless and rouched? I could go out and find 50 of those...including 3 in my own closet and none of them would be because I wanted a dress to look like yours.
If it were me, I'd have to say ... I wouldn't care. I mean, as long as it's not white. Call me bridezilla but I don't want people wearing white to my wedding (or black, for that matter, it's not a funeral!). Personally, my mom is insistent she coordinates with the "wedding colors," but I'd rather she and my mother in law feel pretty.
It sounds like the issue is that she knows it looks like the bride's dress.
Which is weird to me at least, but I don't know the entire situation. I'd put this on the lovely future mister's list of things to handle.
I totally feel for you as I am in a similar situation. In my case, it's not the wedding gown, but the Chinese tea ceremony outfit. My FMIL bought hers a few months after I got mine, with the exact same design (high collar, scoop neck, silk inner lining, lace overlay over the entire dress, sparkly beads, etc). Even though we got our dresses from different places, those details are not what a "traditional" Chinese outfit would look like, so I was extremely surprised after seeing how her dress looked like a copy of mine, especially in the cleavage area with the scoop and everything! Actually I think my dress looks like a copy of hers because her dress has some extra design elements that mine doesn't have.
Anyway, since me and her are so close and she has helped us so much with everything, I won't make her buy another dress. After all, she got hers for a cheap price and it fit her perfectly. However, IMO the tea ceremony dress isn't as important as the wedding gown. If she got a similar dress as my wedding gown, I would be extremely upset and tell her about it, whether we are close or not.
You have to weigh how important this issue is to you. If you think the dresses are so similar that it will bother you on your wedding day and for the rest of your life, you should do anything you can to prevent it asap. I would talk to her directly, so that any miscommunication or misunderstanding is less likely to happen. And then offer to take her shopping for a new dress. On the other hand, if you think it's more important to not put a strain in your relationship with her, then I would just let it go. In the end, I agree with some of the other girls - it will be the guests who will think less of your FMIL for her faux pas.
Personally, I don't think the issue is other people noticing. The Major issue is wedding pictures, as glittergrl pointed out. You will take formals, and I'm assuming you will have pictures with her standing near you. If they are similar enough that it will be obvious in the pictures, that is an issue.
I wouldn't care about other people noticing, I would care about the pictures you will have for the rest of your life commemorating this. And the fact that SHE thinks it's similar. That's why it's a big deal, to me anyway. Definitely think about how you'll feel seeing the pictures, maybe hold the dresses up together (when she isn't around) and decide if it is a big enough problem to address. Good luck!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 22 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| pengoala | 10 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| londonchick | 9 |
| londonpeach84 | 8 |
 KimKimmieKim |
8 |
| ladyartichoke | 6 |
| MrsBlueSeptember | 6 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 9 |
| KimKimmieKim |
7 |
| londonchick | 4 |
| pengoala | 3 |
| londonpeach84 | 3 |
| BearcatBetch |
3 |
| julies1949 | 2 |
| zippylef | 2 |
| Leahhh | 2 |
| MsPanda | 2 |
To the lovely ladies of the hive i have a question to pose:
my future mother in law has purchased my wedding dress in a different color and plans to wear it to the wedding. she has admitted to her son, my fiance, that she is aware that it is similar, but apparently it is different enough that noone will notice? how should i handle this situation? i think i just need some justification of my feelings.
thanks.