A rude friend- and the problems of being overly sensitive

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hugs!

Sounds like you just generally aren’t all that fond of H anyways. Sometimes a bad comment hits particularly hard when you’re just SO NOT in the mood to hear it too. Those 2 things combined? Yeah, of course you’re upset.

I’d still go to events where he and his wife will be, I just wouldn’t make much effort with them.

Post # 4
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Until you  can afford some counselling, try to remember that people under the influence of alcohol, think they are being funny when they are not. As the only non- drinker, your preception of things that are said and done are very different from theirs. I am not excusing bad behavior in the name of alcohol, just pointing out a reality.

There’s nothing wrong with having a difference of opinion over Guiness, but his remarks about Irish people are inappropriate.  He sounds like  a bit of a jerk who knows how to push your buttons. Make a conscious choice not to react to his comments.

Think of it as giving away your power to him Why would you want this jerk to determine when and where you go and whether or not you have a good time?

Post # 5
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ve found the best way to deal with people like that is to give it right back to them.  The quicker you realize that he is just trying to get a reaction out of you and you don’t flinch, the better off you will be.

Post # 6
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hugs! That guy sounds like a jerk. Sure he can say it is a crap beer, because to him it is. But to continue arguing with you saying you’re wrong when you say you like it, saying you don’t know anything, etc? He took it way too far.

Post # 9
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Please don’t focus on the Guiness issue. It is not the heart of the matter. The guy is an ass. You can’t control him or his behavior. You can only control how you react.

Either decide you are not going to react next time (just walk away) or prepare a response for the next time he criticizes something you like.

Heck, if he had told me he thought Natty Light was the best beer ever created, I would have simply said, “That’s your opinion, we all have different preferences!

 
So when he said Guiness was crap, your answer could have been” That’s your opinion, we all have different preferences!

Post # 10
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

*hugs* no advice sorry but I too have cried when people are rude since I’m sensitive as well ;'(

Post # 11
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Yeah he definitely could have treated you and your opinion with better respect, I completely understand how you feel!

Post # 13
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He was a jerk — a drunk jerk — but it’s not worth it to get into an argument with a drunk jerk. It sounds like the “Irish-bashing” didn’t start until you had argued with him for awhile about the virtues and merits of Guinness. Drunk people are unreasonable and stubborn — you can’t win an argument with a drunk person, and it’s honestly not worth it to try, especially if they’re a bit of a jerk to begin with. I’d just recognize this person’s character and try to avoid them in the future.

Post # 14
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I personally don’t consider 3-6 drinks “heavy drinking” but that’s just me and I’m not here to argue that. The point is that his obnoxiousness can’t really be excused by having a few drinks, he’s probably used to it, and like me.. It probably didn’t affect him like it would have someone who doesn’t drink (like you). 

My only advice is to let your husband socialize with H on his own, since you obviously dont have a good fit with him or his wife. I don’t see a problem with you opting out of those get togethers.

I do however think you were being a bit sensitive. Crying in the kitchen probably didn’t do anything to help the friends respect your opinions, (not saying its right).

Post # 15
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Try the bathroom next time. Normally that’s pretty private.

If you practice dealing with these situations or maybe take some assertiveness training, soon you will develop the confidence to have an opinion of your own and not feel the need to leave the room.

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