Post # 1
Ok, I have to preface this with an apology for my ignorance…I in no way mean to offend anyone, and it is just a question I had no where else to ask, so thought maybe the Bee community could help.
I had an odd conversation with a girl I train with at the gym, I will call her D. I can be pretty dense sometimes, and often don’t even consider that someones opinions could differ from my own.
So there were 3 of us chatting, and somehow being gay came up. D made a couple comments and one particularily shocked me. Her statements seemed to imply that being gay was a choice…I have always just beleived that gay was just how someone is. They can choose what to do with their desires, but I’ve never thought sexual orientation was a choice…Am I wrong? Did any of you CHOOSE to be gay? Could you “choose” not to be gay if you wanted to?
Post # 3
You’re right. “Choosing” to be gay is a MYTH that has been paraded around by anti-gay advocates for decades. Often they try to purport that you can “cure” gayness through a “personal relationship with Jesus Christ”. It’s complete crap.
Medical science has demonstrated that being gay/straight/etc. has a genetic component. And any GLBT person out there will tell you that they did not “choose” to be attracted to someone of the same sex, especially since doing so does nothing but garner hatred towards them.
Post # 4
@Jenniphyr: Thanks for your reply, I have actually been sweating it out waiting for someone to reply…I know this could become a crazy topic, I was just really, truthfully shocked by her comment, and it caught me off guard enough I needed to ask the question. It had just never occured to me that it could be a choice.
Post # 5
With all of the terrible things that the LGBTQ community has to endure, why would anyone CHOOSE it? I didn’t choose to be straight. I just happen to be attracted to the opposite sex.
Post # 6
as a side note, why would anyone choose to be gay??
i mean a life of discrimination, being judged and having to fight for the basic rights that are given freely to murders and scum of the earth doesnt sound like an easy “choice” to make with your life
Post # 6
I am heterosexual, however, I believe that you don’t choose who you are attracted to, you choose who you have relationships with.
That applies to any sexuality. So no, you don’t choose to be gay, but you can choose what sexuality you identify as.
Post # 7
I was taught that it was not a choice (I say taught because I studied it in my Psyc Undergrad.) Like PP said, it’s something that non-LGBT people like to say to make it seem that way. I do think experimentation is a choice, but that isn’t what I think “D” was saying at all. I also called and asked my step-brother (I read him your question; he’s in a committed same-sex relationship) and he said for sure not a choice.
Post # 8
@Take The Reins: Think of it this way: Did you choose to be attracted to men (I’m assuming you’re a woman and you are straight)? Your answer is probably no. You just are. It’s the same thing.
Post # 9
@Take The Reins: Having multiple friends and family members who are gay, I’ve heard the “it’s a choice” theory multiple times. In every single situation, the person saying it was in some way a homophobe. I’m not saying that everyone with that theory is, but in my experience it seems about right.
Post # 10
I always thought it was biological too. However, there was a bit of an uproar when just last week, Cynthia Nixon (one of the SATC ladies) said she chose to be gay. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster in the LGBT community, lots of different opinions.
Post # 11
It’s interesting to see this discussion now after reading this opinion article:
It’s an interesting argument–so what if it *is* a choice for some people? I am not denying the genetic component, but there does seem to be a judgement by some that it’s OK if it’s biological but not OK if it’s a choice, and that logic doesn’t fly with me.
Edited to add: Oops, PP beat me to it!
Post # 12
As a bisexual woman, I’d like to weigh in here.
Our sexual orientation is not a choice. We may think we ‘choose’ who we are attracted to, but that is determined by so many things. As I hit puberty I found myself attracted to both girls and boys. My attraction was based on their personality, looks, etc.
I didn’t really know about lesbians until my late teens (it was the ’90’s, gay men were much more visible in Pop culture). I realized I was bi at 22, and acted on it as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
I still continued to have long term relationships with men, I couldn’t seem to find a woman who wanted more than just a one night stand with me.
When I met my current Fiance, everything changed. I decided to leave my common-law husband because I wanted to be with HER, not because I wanted to be in a lesbian relationship. I still dont’ identify as a lesbian, because I’m still attracted to some men, and if for some reason our relationship ends, I cannot say for sure that I wouldn’t have a future relationship with a man.
However, I am happier than I’ve ever been and finally with her I know what true companionship feels like. I am so excited to get married and start a family- things that terrified me before. Did I choose to be gay? no. I chose to be with HER.
Post # 13
@bRooklynRocks: well yes, bi-curious women can CHOOSE to experiement. I know all about that, first hand. 😉
Post # 14
@eloping: just for future reference, I think that some people in the gay community might be offended by your question.
Post # 15
@bRooklynRocks: I suspect that she is either bisexual, or actually was gay all along & was “in the closet” at first and didn’t realize it. Though I do agree with @Frog E. that it shouldn’t matter whether people “choose” to be gay or not, I also feel that the bulk of the evidence (outside of this anecdote) indicates that it is genetically-linked.
(Not trying to get into a battle, here, but just saying that I am disinclined to believe one of the Sex and the City cast members over peer-reviewed medical journals.)