- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Thank goodness for anonymous-ish message boards. I feel frustrated not being able to talk to other people about this in real life or on my blog.
My fiance and I are planning a very simple, small wedding: around 30 guests, mostly family and some family friends.
I particularly detest the way the wedding industrial complex equates how much you spend on your wedding to how much you love each other, and refuse to treat it as “my day”. I’m much more excited about marriage than the wedding, actually. I keep sane by thinking of it as legal paperwork and a small party (mostly for our parents). Fiance has been very supportive. We are paying for it ourselves, which is easy enough to do as we’ve saved for it. We’re both good with money, so we’re keeping it simple because we want to.
We’ve pared the wedding down to the essentials: a City Hall ceremony, then dinner at a buffet restaurant.
My parents strongly recommended getting a photographer, because they felt that photographs are really all you have left after the day passes. (To which I resisted replying, “Well, there’s the marriage too, you know.”) So I found an inexpensive-but-decent photographer. I also refused to buy into the wedding fantasy of an amazing dress and would’ve been happy wearing my previously-worn-but-pretty dress, but my mom insisted on having a dress made for me. (Two, even, just in case.)
My mom once confessed that she felt pathetic telling well-wishers how small a wedding we were planning to have. I told her that it’s a good thing that we’re having a wedding that fits in line with our values: simplicity, frugality, and moderation. They seem mildly concerned that we’re not making a big deal about the wedding, but they acknowledge that we’re happy.
My future in-laws, on the other hand, are shocked–shocked!–that I’m planning to keep my name, and that we don’t seem to be making a huge fuss about getting married. They think it’s a sign that I’ve got one foot out the door. Fiance understands my reasons and he fully supports them. (I’m totally lucking out by marrying a feminist. What’s a better term? Equitist?)
We want to have something small and simple. People have been brainwashed into thinking that bigger = better, but you know, you can have enough, and you don’t have to let all the bridal magazines sell you dreams.
Writing about it here because I want to share it, and I suspect all heck will break loose if I posted about it on my blog. I want to write about how reasonable a wedding can be, but we’re still dealing with the aftermath of my writing about my reasons why I’m keeping my name. I don’t think I can say anything that will prove I’m committed to my Fiance. (We’re getting married instead of just continuing to live together, and we plan to have kids. You think that would be enough, eh?) So reflections on this may have to wait for a retrospective, when we’ve got the proof of wonderful years together.
In the meantime: if you’re planning a simple wedding, hang in there. Don’t lose sight of your values. You might run into opposition. People might question whether you really love each other. Don’t listen to them. If you love each other, you love each other, and you don’t need to let money measure that.