- 5 years ago
I can’t sleep due to constantly mulling this over and need to get it out and hopefully get some unbiased advice. I won’t go through the whole background, but here is some of it. My current bf and I are long distance (1.5 hours) and he has never done long distance while I have done it several times without an issue. We met online a few months ago and things progressed very quickly. We messaged back and forth constantly and the night before I met him we talked all night on the phone. Then I could feel him start to back off about 4 or 5 weeks ago and said that he wanted to take things slow. It was frustrating changing speeds and I was confused and uptight about where we were at but it did progress again (“slowly”) and last week he asked me to be his gf.
Let me say a couple other things before I state the real issue. First, when we are together (about once a week, even when we weren’t “official”) everything is perfect and couldn’t be better. I feel happy, wanted, and special. Second, every relationship I’ve been in has gone 0 to 60 in half a second. The infatuation, can’t get enough of each other, would do anything for them/to be with them, talking and texting constantly, etc. The honeymoon phase. I think it would be like that if we weren’t long distance.. but that’s the issue, of course. We are.
Soooo… my big issue is communication. After frustrations with the amount of him texting throughout the day, we decided it would be better if he just calls me at night before I go to sleep. He is a full time student during his hardest semester and works 35 hours a week and dislikes texting/the phone in general, I should add. Anyway, this night-time phone call that I thought would solve our issues is still a problem. Last night I texted him that I was going to bed early and he responded with a text wishing me a goodnight etc. so I responded saying I thought he was supposed to call me. He did call but only for a second because some tv show was about to start. I wanted to talk to him more but I didn’t make an issue out of it because it was my choice to go to bed early. However, it did really bother me that after we had already established about the phone call that he would text me telling me goodnight and I had to mention it.
So today we texted a few times back and forth but not much and I was really looking forward to talking to him tonight cause we didn’t last night. He told me at 10 he was going to play tennis and he would text me afterwards. At 11:36 he texted me this: “if I fall asleep don’t get mad at me. I’m home now but super tired”. I responded literally 2 minutes later saying I was going to bed anyway so he can go ahead and call. No response. I tried to call him a little bit later and he didn’t answer, although I knew he had likely already passed out. He keeps his phone on silent. Herein lies my issue. If he actually had wanted to talk to me, why didn’t he call me instead of texting me if he was so tired knowing his phone is on silent so if he sets it down and closes his eyes he won’t wake up to a text? I can’t help but think about the fact that he clearly did not want to talk to me that badly. It hurts to think about. I know he was tired and I would be understanding if it was due to homework.. but he was playing tennis for fun (not a team or anything). All I can think about is the fact that I’m not worth sparing 5 minutes at the end of the day to talk to.
Granted, we JUST started dating. But my feelings are that in the beginning is when communication is at the highest and if he doesn’t have the desire to talk to me much at all then there is a serious problem. Am I wrong? Should he have a strong desire to talk to me now? Or is it possible that he is still in a way trying to take things slow and these feelings will (hopefully) develop and deepen the relationship? Like I said, I have no idea what a normal (or slow) relationship is like and I have a tendency to jump in too fast. It’s just hard when in long distance communication is really all you have to go off of… when I’m there it is so good and I feel like his girlfriend but when I’m not the lack of communication makes me feel like a casual friend (I know that sounds like he is using me and I could go into details about our entire history but I nor any of my friends think he is at all.. I just mean that I don’t feel as close to him or special when I’m not there).