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This was written by my fiancé I just had to share…
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU:
4/27/10
Dear diary,
My boyfriend proposed to me today. It was so romantic. He took me on the top of the empire state building and proposed to me during one of those tours. Now I am going to get married. We don’t have a date yet, or a ring.
5/25/10
Dear diary,
Today my fiancé and I set a date. The date is going to be for 6/21/2011. That’s a year from now. OMG! I’m SO excited!! Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!
6/21/10
Dear diary,
One more year til we get married! I am SO excited. I am going to get a ring soon!
8/25/10
Dear diary,
Fiance and I got in a fight today…We cancelled the wedding…Im so mad, and so sad. I need to eat a vat of ice cream to feel better…
8/26/10
Dear diary,
Fiance and I got back together today…he is in debt. We need to get some more money to have a wedding. He got himself a sports car and we need to pay it off. It is going to take 18 months to pay off…as a result, we are pushing our wedding back an extra year
12/15/10
Christmastime is coming! I need to get my fiancé a gift! I know…this expensive TV from Radio shack!..it costs 1,999. But they say I can pay it off in 12 months. It looks like it will get paid off before the wedding!
6/21/11
Dear Diary,
One more year till we get married! I am so excited! We are doing so well on our bills. We are thinking about upgrading from an apartment but we don’t know yet…I think we are going to wait until we get married! Yay!
10/11/11
Dear Diary,
OMG! I am crying right now. My fiancé and I just got in a car crash. I don’t know what happened. He was drinking this stuff called “18 dummy juice” and he said he lost control. We now have a 4000 dollar bill. We are so in debt now!! This was the sports car we bought! ALL FOR NOTHING! L(((((((
11/25/11
Dear Diary,
Im pregnant!!! I don’t know how this happened!! I mean the last time he went inside me he used a condom! Except I remember him saying “aw shit…” and I was like “what?” and hes like “nothing nothing..” and kept going. Then I seem to remember feeling something inside of me before he decided to stop, but I wasn’t sure. Now I know what happened…and now I’m pregnant! L
11/30/11
Dear Diary,
Fiance and I decided that we won’t be able to pay off our bills until the year 2014. And it’s going to be even worse because he lost his job, and needs to find a new one. We figured that it would be best if we pushed back the wedding till that time…
4/3/13
Dear Diary,
Ugghhh! Baby Jamie threw up on the floor. Now we have to fix the floor up..I cannot find any time where we will be able to get married.
7/9/14
Dear Diary,
I remember something about my fiancé and I being married by now…
It’s been a while. He’s stuck around…It looks like we won’t be able to have the marriage we want. Oh yea, and I’m pregnant again…
3/12/16
Dear Diary,
Fiance walked out on me today. Apparently he was seeing this other girl because “I kept pushing back the date.” He says he’s tired of waiting, and saving up money “to only waste it for something else.” We never got married.
Moral: PUSHING BACK YOUR WEDDING DATE=BAD KARMA+ A VICIOUS CYCLE…
You see, it’s important to set the date as soon as you get engaged and stick to it. When you push back your wedding date an extra year, most of the time it ends up being pushed back another year, then another year, then another year, until finally everything collapses and you can no longer get married. Whatever happens, it’s important to get married. Don’t let outside factors or princess syndromes affect you.
I think they had more problems than just pushing the date back! Getting into all that debt just because they could pay it over a year or two isn't a good way to make financial decisions!
I agree. Not smart financial decisions can mess up any wedding plans. But I think that either one of the bees can relate to it, or know somebody who this has happened to..
Bump: Have any of you bees in the beehive read this story yet? My FI is awaiting some more comments. Have any of you bees pushed the wedding date back?
I don't think pushing back your date means you are destined for failure. I think there were many other issues within this story.
We haven't pushed back the date. I thought we were going to when I lost my job, but we figured out finances and we can still eat, pay rent, and pay for the wedding with his income.
That's true I totally agree there were many issues in this story. I think the main reason FI wrote it was because one day I tried to change the date back. Originally I wanted a spring wedding (3/26/10) but I changed my mind because I was "temporarily insane" (figuratively speaking). Compromised with changing it to a summer wedding 6/12/10. Recently I wanted to change it one week ahead but FI disagreed and he won. Well he just wanted to point out his view on the topic.
Have you chosen a date? Are you engaged yet?
Good job. I mean me and my FI don't have "money" at all but we decided that we were going to have a church wedding no matter what. Everything has been working out I mean we aren't completely broke each of us has some income and in addition he's doing side jobs and I'm baby sitting. So hopefully we will have a beautiful wedding.
Ok I have to say it was a good little story. But I don't think that it is wrong to wait until you're better prepared, i.e. doing the responsible thing. It sucks to keep waiting and waiting and waiting. But if this guy wasn't going to wait for her even after he impregnanted her (which he should have married her then regardless of a wedding IMO), then the marriage was doomed regardless because he wasn't fully committed. My fiance and I have been engaged for 3yrs. We were supposed to get married in 2009, we waited because money issues and I had the opprotunity to get 3yrs worth of schooling basically for free by putting my wedding off. Since then he's gotten hurt hasn't been able to work. He had to move back into his parents house to pay their mortgage. Not so good when he's the main bread winner. I hated that we waited but I know that I'm going into this 100% ready, 100% committed, and know that we've done the best we could to prepare ourselves for our marriage. I've hated 98% of the time doing the responsible thing, but I know that we've done the right thing.
It's a good story, but I think that the couple had many problems. Good job for your FI though. Everyone wanted me to push ours back, but I fought it and now we have a winter wedding instead of an August one.
Hm, I'm not sure. Life throws you lots of curve balls, and I definiely think that postponing the wedding can be the most appropriate decision for some people!
I feel a little bit hurt by the moral of this "story". We pushed back our wedding date due to some circumstances that are literally beyond our control... I don't feel like it's bad karma or that we're in a viscious cycle. Is this really what other people think of my relationship??
Life isn't always so black & white. I really don't believe that most couples who change their wedding plans are affected by "princess syndrome" either like your FI mentioned... it's usually life that changes things & sometimes you have to roll with it.
Moral of MY story: Count your blessings that you've never had any major roadblocks put in your way & hug your loved one instead :)
I get his point, I get the humor.
Guys don't analyze things that they write or say like women do, in general.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I get the point and I totally agree!
i really dont think them delaying the marriage was a bad omen. things happen in life,, you just have to roll with the punches. just becaue you delay your wedding, it shouldnt be looked down uppon.
i dont think pushing back is necessarily a bad thing, it might take a couple a few times to adjust their budgets and savings plan. but as long as thy formulate a final plan. i think that's the key!
I had friends who pushed back their wedding... they just didn't have enough planned in time. It happens. I think the couple in his story have much bigger problems... there's definitely some lessons in there, but I'm not sure "don't move the wedding" is one of them. It sounds like that's more a symptom of an generally VERY irresponsible couple.
Yeah, I'm also a little confused by the "moral" of this story. The couple in the story had tons of issues which definitely don't speak for all people that push back their wedding for one reason or another.
If I was a bride who had recently pushed back my wedding (or who had ever pushed back my wedding) I would find this really hurtful. There are many reasons people push back their dates, and there are plenty of people who don't set a date right away. A lot of them end up happily married. Not the couple in this story, obviously, but I think there were bad things that were making them push back, I don't think pushing back was causing the bad things. I don't get it.
I agree with mrsmdphd ... why did your FI write this? Was there some kind of instigating circumstance?
The couple in this story has serious issues and I don't think issues like that stem from the postponing of the wedding. For example in the end he cheats on her because they never got married? That just sounds like a lame excuse coming from a scum bag.
If they had a strong relationship then it would've lasted whether they were married or not. It's probably BETTER that this couple did not get married because they obviously couldn't hang on to their relationship.
Marriage doesn't magically make everything better. The couple has to do that.
I don't get it. It seems like the moral of the story is that immature people shouldn't buy things on credit and should use better birth control. Pushing back the wedding date is the least of their problems.
And I would dump any guy who had an issue with a condom and wouldn't fess up. On the spot. Never acceptable.
I don't see anything wrong with pushing back a wedding date. It can mean a lot of different things, but it's the way you live your life that determines how happy you are, not one single decision. Everything that happened it that story could have gone either way for the couple. The baby could have been a celebration to them, they could have gotten married at the courthouse with family and friends, and saved up for the wedding of their dreams later. They could have have saved and saved, but one person lost their job, etc.
If this story has a moral to me, it's more of... don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. I would never want to be in that helpless position in the relationship (i.e., fiance just bought the sports car, cheats on her, had condom issues, etc) because we make our decisions together, and we're responsible with ourselves.
And if someone's going to cheat or drive drunk, marriage sure isn't going to stop them.
I don't understand. Were there certain circumstances that led to him writing this story?
I think that the couple in the story made some really bad choices about money, drunk driving and birth control and they should've been more responsible. THAT should be the moral of the story.
Some couples have real problems beyond their control that may affect when they get married and to say it's bad karma or a vicious cycle could be construed as hurtful. Every couple has different feelings and circumstances and no relationship should be judged on such a thing.
Wow, as someone who had to push our date back due to some circumstances beyond our control... this story is callous and full of misleading things. Your FI needs to consider that a date is just a date, while cheating, getting pregnant and not being able to trust your FI to do the right thing (tell you about the condom, drinking and driving, etc) are much bigger issues.
I fail to see any humor or joy in this "moral."
I think this is just a case of misinterpretation. I checked out your wedding website that you included in your bio---it seems like you and your FI have overcome some obstacles and are trying to surround yourselves with supportive people who are moving up in life. Which is super commendable. It also appears that your FI thinks of himself to be an artist, and I'm assuming this story is something you've seen happen within your circle of friends/family? In which case, it may have more value to you and FI. As someone who doesn't see much of anything mentioned in the story, it's a bit odd. Perhaps, like me, some of the other bees find it unrelatable. It's just important to realize that many girls postpone their weddings for valid reasons--that aren't even close to those mentioned by your FI. :)
I don't think the point was that you should never push back your wedding date. I think the point was that in all that goes on in life, it's easy to keep putting it off for other things until it just doesn't happen. I know couples like this. I think the point was that if it's important to you, prioritize it, and be realistic about your expectations. Yes, I could go on to analyze more about this couple, but I don't think that's the point.
I understand your story and it's like everything else in life. You will never have enough money,enough time, less stress, etc. Life is full of challenges and there will always be excuses to avoid them. My WHOLE life is one big challenge.
I don't quite get the moral, either. If this were a real couple, they really would have bigger problems. In fact, they might have both been better served by cancelling the wedding altogether and growing up a bit more. It wouldn't be the pushed back wedding date that caused the problems. In reality, they'd both still be bad spenders, and he'd still be a jerk- married or not. Most likely, if this were a real couple, they would've made similar bad decisions (e.g. bad spending, not planning appropriately for the changes that come with parenthood, etc etc) whether the wedding was postponed or not.
FI says that Isisbride, VirginiaMarie, and MyraG got the point of the story perfectly.
The story FI wrote was completely fictional, and it came off the top of his head, with the most extreme circumstances he could think of..but he based it off of a story within a few couples we're acquainted to..
One couple has 3 kids. They adopted two because they were her irresponsible sister's who got taken away by CPS. They were engaged before this happened, but they brought them into the family, and their natural kid is their year old daughter. They were engaged a day before us. So anyhow, they rented a house off of their aunt, and any time we ask them how the wedding plans are going, they either pushed it back, or they got in a fight and delayed it. According to my mom, they "get offended every time we ask them about when they're going to get married." But it seemed they had gotten themselves enough money, that is until recently, when one of them shows up with a NEW TRUCK at our front door. We are like wtf? where is their wedding savings?
Thing is, these people have 3 kids and they aren't even married, seem like they don't even care about being married. And my FI claims that he's noticed a severely depressing personality change in their one year old daughter.
Another couple was some other people we knew. They got engaged and tried to save up enough money for a BIG wedding. They didn't set a date, but long story short, they got in like 3 fights over the course of 6 months and ended up breaking up.
My FI's friend actually DID get married, but his wife lived in Mexico. He was always talking about how "this weekend I'm going down to Mexico to marry her" but he was always putting it off. He did that for two years. FI is surprised that she actually stayed with him despite the number of times he flaked on her.
Then, FI had ANOTHER friend, who's fiance always pushed back the date because they kept getting into fights (his friend isn't that bright when it comes to girls, to put it lightly, and she is also a bit of a nutjob from what I'm told.) They had a kid and broke up...
FI has also watched some engaged couples over the years, and found that they have pushed their dates back for one silly reason or another, and found that one of them eventually broke up with the other. He says its more of a "stick to the schedule and dont be fickle about it and dont let circumstances get in the way" type of story.
FI's mind works in a very interesting way. When he sees something that he has an opinion about, he will usually speak his mind about it, with a somewhat humorous and exaggerated twist. You should hear his "boyfriend in Arizona" story, when talking about long-distance relationships. LOL.
OK, now you've got me intrigued about the boyfriend in Arizona story!
And I totally understand both where your fiance is coming from and why others who've delayed their wedding for their own reasons would find it upsetting/untrue. There are definitely people out there who can't save money / keep putting off the important things / don't get their eggs in the order they want them in. There are people who want to wait to marry and people who really are spending that extra year saving or planning, but it doesn't sound like the people he knows fall into either of those categories.
lol...now he wants to post the "boyfriend in Arizona" story in the NWR section under "long distance relationships" Stay tuned!
I would be careful about posting the "boyfriend in Arizona" story. You offended a few people with this post (because I think the story can be interpreted in a few ways). I think posting a long distance relationship story is going to offend quite a few more if it is anything along the lines of this story.
My FI decided to post the BF in AZ story here:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/the-boyfriend-in-arizona-story?replies=1#post-805429
I don't think anyone is in a position to judge anyone else's decisions to postpone a wedding. As for the couple who had three children and has not yet gotten married, I'd say that adopting her sister's children is a pretty darn noble--and responsible--thing. I obviously know nothing about this couple, but unless they are somehow unfit parents, their first obligation is taking care of their children, and if they delay a wedding for reasons that we have no knowledge of, it's really none of our business. And if it turns out that their relationship doesn't last--for whatever reason--then that's also none of our business. An engagement, like any other relationship, is intensely personal. What works for one couple does not necessarily work for any other. Their biggest concern should be taking care of their family, not worrying about whether or not they are conforming to others' expectations.
I think this is silly. If people push back their wedding date, it is their business, and there are numerous reasons to do it. The story your fiance told reminds me of these Christian cartoons this crazy preacher used to hand out in my home town. One was about a man who lied in buisness, because he lied, he was sent to jail. While in jail he was raped by another inmate, due to this event contracted AIDS. The story ends with him burning in hell wishing he had lived a more decent life. Both stories assume a lot and the woman in his story is painted to be fiscally irresponsible and a little stupid. Nice generalization. He shouldn't quit his day job for writing gigs.
I don't think your fiance's mind works in interesting ways, in my humble opinion he is judgemental.
I understand now. Why all this fictional stuff on here? I don't understand the point of this, and I think it's kind of messed up to be playing up stories that aren't real when all you want is feedback on his writing. Wouldn't another place be more fitting and appropriate?
Not trying to offend but your friends need to suck it up. They have 3kids and aren't married. Chances are they're never going to get married. A wedding isn't important. I know. I know. *gasp* Marriage is. But as my mom always said, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free (really much better advice the older I get, because I see that it's true). . . I think this applies. They have 3 kids, live together, have sex, cook and clean for each other... exactly what are they gaining by getting married? These two people have no legal responsibility if they get ticked off at each other and decide to leave. They have legal responsibility to the kids, but that's about it. Which last time I knew anything about adoption it wasn't legal for non married couples to adopt kids together. Full believer of marriage (100billion % if that's possible), and I'm not trying to dis it or those who do have kids or are living togethre and so on. I have a friend that is 20yrs old. She's lived with 2 guys. Been pregnant twice by two different guys ( unfortunately they both ended in spontanous abortions a.k.a miscarriages). She really can't figure out why she can't keep a guy in her life... I have a feeling it's because she's dropping her pants all over town and shacking up with every tom dick and harry before even getting serious. So this goes back to the whole, why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free.
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