A sticky plus one situation- need advice!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

People might disagree with me, but I think it’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you want. If someone questions why this other girl that you don’t like was not invited, just nicely say that it all came down to venue capacity. It’s not like you have to go into detail about your plus-one “policy” and how you made an exception for that one couple. 

That said, although I sympathize with you for not wanting someone you don’t like at your wedding, if you do have to invite this woman you may not even notice she is there, depending on how many guests you have.

 

Post # 4
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d say wait until enough spots open up to expand your +1s to accomodate boyfriends/girlfriends instead of inviting them one at a time.  I think it’s a little rude to invite some but not others based on how much *you* like them, vs. how serious the relationship is.

 

Post # 6
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lampshade:  totally agree with you on this.  It’s your wedding.  I’m in favor of inviting who you want.  Rude or not, if you cringe at the thought of seeing this girl on your wedding day I wouldn’t invite her.  If your FI guy friend asks you can always just blame venue capacity.

Post # 7
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Saccebers:  That’s tricky.  Whatever you do remember that your wedding is just one day but the fallout of something unpleasant sticks around much longer.  Also, the easiest place in the world to avoid a person is your own wedding 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@jdhall89:  Agreed.

If it seems like you are opening plus-ones to all couples, whether dating or engaged, then your husband’s friend may take offense that his girlfriend was not invited. 

Post # 9
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Is your friend’s guy someone you and/or your FI would be friends with separate of your friend?  Like hang out, go see a movie, something?  Because I think that would be the only real justifiable reason for inviting him over other SOs you may not like.

Explanation: say I’m friends with Angela, Jane, and Wendy.  Wendy is dating Peter, who I’m also friends with separate from Wenday (we play in a softball league together or something).  Sarah is single, and Angela is dating Jack, someone I haven’t met.  We decide to limit “couples” to those who are married, engaged, or living together.  I think in this case, I’m justified to just invite Peter, but not Jack.

If, however, I just like Peter more than Jack, not actually hang out with him, I would be very careful after just inviting Peter.  As in, I wouldn’t do it unless I could invite Jack too.

 

Post # 10
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jdhall89:  +1

Sorry OP, but it would be terribly rude to invite some BF/GFs and not others simply because you like some better.  I would wait until enough spots open up and you are able to accomodate all SOs.  Remember, you are inviting the SO for the benefit of your guest, so your guest and can enjoy your wedding to the fullest.  You are not inviting the SO for your benefit.  Besides, what happens when it comes out that the GF wasn’t invited because you don’t like her? (And I’d bet money it would be obvious).  It’s not going to end well.

Contrary to what people will tell you, once you decide to include other people, your wedding stops becoming all about you.

Post # 11
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think the etiquette rules differ in the US than to the UK but I’m also in the ‘invite who you want’ camp. We’ve tried to be strict about our +1 rule but sometimes you can’t always apply a blanket rule to these situations. Do what you’re comfortable with!

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