Post # 1
I am getting married in a few months and as we were making our guest list, we are constricted by the number our place can hold. We decided to only invite non-wedding party plus ones if the couple was living together or engaged (we are in our very early thirties, so most people fell into that category.)
The dilemma- stay with me. My friend has recently started dating a guy that I really like, but they do not live together yet. As we are realizing we might have extra spots, he is the person I would like to add to our list. But my friend is close with the girlfriend of my soon to be husband’s guy friend. I do not particularly like this girl and she would be at the bottom of my “add to” list.
So the question- can I add my friend’s boyfriend and not her friend (future husband’s friend’s girflriend)? If we have that many openings, we will eventually HAVE to add her, but I don’t want to yet. I am trying to justify that my soon to be husband is closer to my friend than I am to his, he likes my friends boyfriend when I don’t particularly like his friend’s girlfriend…and, can I say it, it’s my wedding and I don’t want anyone there that I don’t like.
Post # 3
People might disagree with me, but I think it’s your wedding and you can invite whoever you want. If someone questions why this other girl that you don’t like was not invited, just nicely say that it all came down to venue capacity. It’s not like you have to go into detail about your plus-one “policy” and how you made an exception for that one couple.
That said, although I sympathize with you for not wanting someone you don’t like at your wedding, if you do have to invite this woman you may not even notice she is there, depending on how many guests you have.
Post # 4
I’d say wait until enough spots open up to expand your +1s to accomodate boyfriends/girlfriends instead of inviting them one at a time. I think it’s a little rude to invite some but not others based on how much *you* like them, vs. how serious the relationship is.
Post # 6
@lampshade: totally agree with you on this. It’s your wedding. I’m in favor of inviting who you want. Rude or not, if you cringe at the thought of seeing this girl on your wedding day I wouldn’t invite her. If your FI guy friend asks you can always just blame venue capacity.
Post # 7
@Saccebers: That’s tricky. Whatever you do remember that your wedding is just one day but the fallout of something unpleasant sticks around much longer. Also, the easiest place in the world to avoid a person is your own wedding 🙂
Post # 8
If it seems like you are opening plus-ones to all couples, whether dating or engaged, then your husband’s friend may take offense that his girlfriend was not invited.
Post # 9
Is your friend’s guy someone you and/or your FI would be friends with separate of your friend? Like hang out, go see a movie, something? Because I think that would be the only real justifiable reason for inviting him over other SOs you may not like.
Explanation: say I’m friends with Angela, Jane, and Wendy. Wendy is dating Peter, who I’m also friends with separate from Wenday (we play in a softball league together or something). Sarah is single, and Angela is dating Jack, someone I haven’t met. We decide to limit “couples” to those who are married, engaged, or living together. I think in this case, I’m justified to just invite Peter, but not Jack.
If, however, I just like Peter more than Jack, not actually hang out with him, I would be very careful after just inviting Peter. As in, I wouldn’t do it unless I could invite Jack too.
Post # 10
Sorry OP, but it would be terribly rude to invite some BF/GFs and not others simply because you like some better. I would wait until enough spots open up and you are able to accomodate all SOs. Remember, you are inviting the SO for the benefit of your guest, so your guest and can enjoy your wedding to the fullest. You are not inviting the SO for your benefit. Besides, what happens when it comes out that the GF wasn’t invited because you don’t like her? (And I’d bet money it would be obvious). It’s not going to end well.
Contrary to what people will tell you, once you decide to include other people, your wedding stops becoming all about you.
Post # 11
I think the etiquette rules differ in the US than to the UK but I’m also in the ‘invite who you want’ camp. We’ve tried to be strict about our +1 rule but sometimes you can’t always apply a blanket rule to these situations. Do what you’re comfortable with!