Post # 1
I’m pretty sure what I need to do in this situation, but I could use some moral support/feedback.
2 rsvps came back on Friday; ‘attending’ from my Aunt and Uncle and ‘attending’ from my cousin plus [uninvited] guest.
I have a very large family, and so that in order to keep ourselves within budget we decided not to extend plus-ones to cousins (except those who are living together/engaged/married). It was my aunt who filled out the card for her son and sent it back, so we are pretty sure that it wasn’t just ignorance of etiquette.
I now realize that he has a girlfriend that he has been dating for almost 3 years (although he is 20, in college and they don’t live together), so I feel a little bad for not including her (although I have never met her). Calling my aunt will almost certainly cause a confrontation, and I don’t want to cause my Dad’s family to get angry and not attend. They don’t come to any of the family events as it is, so I know that my Dad and Grandma value any event where the whole family puts their differences aside and is in the same location (sad, but true).
However, it would clearly be unfair to other cousins if we just let it slide, and there are other family members (who don’t get along with this family) that would become down-right angry if they were treated differently. Also, I have a feeling that if we let this slide, other cousins will hear word (gossip, gossip) and they will assume that this tactic will work for them too, and start adding! To be honest, I’m surprised this cousin even rsvp-ed yes, because he attends college in another state. I’m not sure why he would want to drive 8+ hours home to attend a wedding of a cousin who he rarely sees (and his parents live behind my parents). My mom thinks that his mom rsvp-ed yes for him, but they wouldn’t come anyways. Can you believe it?
Thanks for following this long post if you did. Would love to hear any advice, moral support or similar stories you may have. Tell me it’s going to work out!
Post # 3
I bet you he doesn’t come. We had the same situation and the cousins nor their guests attended. If you’re worried could you ask him directly? And leave your Aunt out of it?
Post # 4
Call auntie and explain that due to space restrictions, cousin doesn’t get to bring his g/f. (If you wanted to, you could mention the “no guest unless engaged/married” but I’d leave off the “living together” since they might lie about that….)
Post # 5
call and explain. you can’t change your rules for this one person because they were rude. you made a rule and you have to stick with it.
Post # 6
I would ignore it until you start getting mroe RSVPs back. If it does create a snowball effect I would address it with everyone. Being that you don’t think he’ll come anyway, I wouldn’t worry about it right now.
Post # 7
My instinct is definitely to contact my cousin directly (which is hard because he is home living with his parents for the summer) and explain the situation. I’m trying like heck to find his cell # to address it with him privately!
I just don’t want to have my aunt and uncle put up a big stink and not attend the wedding. Which honestly wouldn’t affect me as much as it would be a huge let-down for my Dad and Grandma.
Did this situation ever work out positively for anyone?
Post # 8
If an invite does not say ‘plus one’ or ‘and guest’ WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS OMG.
Call your cousin first and tell him. He might not even be aware that his mother filled it out and sent it back. If he is oblivious and does not care if gf comes or not, then you don’t have to go any further. If he gets upset, just explain to him the ‘engaged/married’ rule. You didn’t know he had a gf, so you never know, they could be living together by now.
Post # 9
I did the same thing for my younger cousins who were not married/engaged/living together. I know for a fact 2 of my cousins who are in college have long term boyfriends that I have only met once or twice and I am curious to see how they RSVP.
I think contacting your cousin directly is best. He may not even know his mom did this and will tell you himself he’s not coming.
Post # 10
I agree with Soyjoy- His mom probably filled out the invite and chances are the kid wont even show, so if you give him the +1 you will have 2 no shows (and from what you said a lot of angry family !)
If hes now old enough to get a date he’s old enough to discuss the issue you with you and rsvp on his own. I’d talk to him about it.
Post # 11
maybe i am rude but I told all of my cousins that I could not afford for them to have guests but if they absolutely needed to have one that they could pay for their guests ahead before the final count is due and if their date did not show up that they would not get their money back… i dont care that the etiquette is wrong on my part I cannot afford plus ones plain and simple.