Post # 1
FI and I decided to give plus-ones to our married and engaged guests, as well as those in the bridal party and those that have been dating their significant others for more than six months. We’ve been fairly lenient regarding the whole thing, but I have a situation that I’m not sure what to do about.
My cousin is 22. She is technically still married, but she and her husband are “separated.” She recently moved back to where our whole extended family lives, and she is living with a guy. I don’t know if this guy is a friend, boyfriend or whatever. She and I do not communicate very often, and no one else in the family seems to know what the deal is with them either, although they suspect it’s a boyfriend.
However, I am very hesitant to give her a plus-one (with or without a specific name on the invitation), because she is the girl who always brought a different uninvited, unknown friend to Christmas and Thanksgiving every year growing up. I don’t want this to be a free-for-all, even if we aren’t being super picky.
What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
Since you’ve never met the person she’s living with and don’t really know their relationship status, I don’t think you should feel obligated to allow her to invite a guest. Plus, since she’s family, she will know other people at the wedding so there shouldn’t be an issue of her not having anyone to talk to.
Post # 4
Hmmm, that is sticky! I just gave everyone a plus-one and literally no one who wasn’t engaged or married brought their plus-one, and this includes my cousins who do always show up with Christmas dates, BUT I don’t know how much that helps you. If its just her, I’d just give her the plus-one and cross your fingers that she doesn’t bring him. Otherwise, its just one more one? I’m sorry I’m not super helpful. 🙁
Post # 5
Pretend you don’t know about the guy/boyfriend, whatever. If she’s really upset she’ll talk to you about it. Doesn’t sound like someone that warrants an invite.
Post # 6
@sapphirebride: Haha, yeah. We may be allowing plus-ones for a lot of people, but most of them we at least know who their date/SO is! We don’t want there to be a ton of people we don’t know there!
Post # 7
@Miss BBQ: If she’s still married and hasn’t publicly acknowledged this guy is her boyfriend, why should you? Invite her on her own.
Post # 8
I’d invite her on her own.
Post # 9
It depends on your wedding vibe too I think. I am having a very small and intimate wedding with family and a limited number of close friends. I only want ppl at my wedding that I PERSONALLY know and love! I would invite her, and only her. HOWEVER if I were having a huge wedding, and my budget was bigger I would let her have her +1. I don’t think you should feel bad for not letting her bring her flavor of the week.
Post # 10
If you aren’t super picky, I’m apt to say give her a plus one. She might be going through some stuff if she’s recently divorced, and being at a wedding might stir up memories if she’s by herself.
Post # 11
When I first made up my guest list, I thought that everyone deserved a plus one, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s about who you want to be there for your big day. A bunch of added plus ones is taking away spots from people you actually care about being there. A distant cousin’s maybe-maybe-not boyfriend doesn’t sound like someone that should be included. I would say no plus one, and hope she doesn’t say anything about it or decide to bring him along anyway…
Post # 12
I think i’d ignore the … friend and just send her an invite.
Post # 13
I would invite her on her own.
Post # 14
Thanks for the advice ladies! Glad to hear that I’m not being super rude by not wanting to let her bring a random guy.
@Bostonsmom: We’re having a reasonably sized wedding, I suppose – expecting about 130. I just don’t want her to think she can bring this guy, or a random girl friend just because she can.