Weddingbee boards

Because I tend to write novels in my posts, I'm gonna give both a long and short version of my dilemma. :)

Short: I have a small cross tattoo on my ring/wedding finger that I got for religious reasons inspired by a friend/mentor of mine who tragically passed away a few years ago. I have enjoyed having the tat, but now I don't really love the way it looks with my e-ring.

Long: I am a spiritual person and I got a cross tattoo on my ring finger to symbolize that my relationship with God is more important than one with any person one earth, including my future husband who I wished so badly to meet at the time. This was a concept that was introduced to me by a girl who had a very active role in the church I was going to, and I got to know her really well when she coached a dance ministry I was fortunate to be a part of. She was the type of girl who dreamed of her wedding day all her life and like me, longed for the day she would become a wife to her husband. But she was never desperate to get married. She taught us that she knew the Lord was her husband (this is a biblical concept that isn't very well known by those outside of fundamental Christianity, and was certainly new for me). It really resonated with me. She passed away very suddenly in a tragic accident. The first thing that crossed my mind was, "I can't believe she will never get to marry now! God, how could you let this happen?" Her parents, however, actually had smile on their faces the day of her passing. Why? "The Lord is her husband. She is finally with him now." There was a "wedding" celebration at her funeral, even a wedding cake. I was so moved my this and it truly changed me forever. The tat is a symbol of that and an expression of my faith.

But, there were problems with it. The tattoo artist made it larger than I had asked for. The ink didn't take well to my skin (which is why many advise against tattooing fingers) and ended up fading quickly, looking really blotchy and odd. When I got it touched up in a darker brown, it finally looked more normal, but the color was way darker than I had anticipated and now it really stands out more than I would like (the original color was much more subtle). The tattoo never did quite look the way I envisioned it, but I still appreciated it for what it meant to me.

I did like having it while I was single and dating. It was a great reminder to be grateful for life as-is, sans a husband. But as soon as my FI slipped the ring on my finger -- I was more than a little disheartened with it. This bright, delicate, beautiful ring really seemed to clash with the harshness of the tattoo. I had thought that maybe with an e-ring and a wedding band, my tat would be covered up eventually anyway, but now I know that won't be the case. The band of my ring is very dainty and thin (which I love!). I get self conscious about the tat now that I'm newly engaged and have people looking at my hand a lot more. Thinking about people seeing it in at my wedding, and in the photos, makes me kind of worry about how it will come across. Will people react with, "Oh how cool, an expression of her faith along with the rings symbolizing her marriage..." or more of a, "What the crap is that thing on her finger?!" I still feel on the fence about it myself. :-/

Since it is so small, I don't think laser treatment is going to cost a ton, and even if I only got a couple treatments to help it fade, I think theres a chance I might be happy with just that. But part of me would like to see it removed all the way, or rather actually have it "moved" to a different location on me (i.e., get a new cross tat somewhere else to replace it.). I think that would help with the emotional significance of losing the finger one.

So hive, what are your thoughts on this? Have any of you gone through tattoo regret? Or even, tattoo removal? What would you do if you were me?

Here's a pic, for reference.

I totally thought "Oh how cool, an expression of her faith along with the rings symbolizing her marriage..."

Hmm.  I think this is a really sweet story, and believe that you should definitely have it removed and then redone elsewhere.  I do see what you mean about it looking a little off with the ring next to it. Not only does it distract a bit from the beautiful ring, but the way the ring sits atop it makes it look a bit like a sharpie smudge at first glance.  I say have it moved somewhere else that's just as visible but won't get in the way of the rings you'll be wearing for the rest of your life.  And because fingers are so often damaged/scarred/whatever just by everyday life, if the finger where the removed tattoo was has a bit of a coloring or light scar tissue, it will look perfectly normal.  Honestly if I had a tattoo and then decided I wanted to get it removed, I think my feet and then my hands would be the first places I'd hope my tattoo had been placed!

You guys are awesome. Thanks so much for the honest feedback, I really appreciate it!!

I totally agree that if the tattoo itself looked better, it wouldn't bother me as much. Apparently that's a risk you take when you get tats on your fingers/toes -- they usually bleed out a little and it's almost impossible to have the lines look as clean as they would on a different area of skin (arm, shoulder, back, etc.). If the tat looked the way I envisioned it (very thin lines, clean, a subtle hue of brown that complimented my skin tone), I don't think I would feel the way I do about it now. :( Also, no I do not work in an environment in which I can't have any visible tattoos such as this one.

@Miss Tattoo: I was hoping you'd chime in, obv. :) I have heard that laser removal has changed a LOT in recent years. What do you think about what this center has to say?

@AmeliaBedelia: Great point and good idea, I thought about maybe doing that, or even like on my hand in the webbing between my thumb and forefinger?

@DanielleZara: That's a really nice idea, having an extra ring with the scripture engraved. I like that a lot. Thanks for your support. :)

@veganglam: Exactly, I feel like people can't even tell what it is by looking at it. A lot of the time, the way my ring sits when it's higher up than in the pic, it literally looks like a pen mark or something underneath. I also think your idea of moving it to a visible spot is key, that way I won't feel like I felt ashamed of it or anything. Thanks for your input :)

@Baileyh: Not rude at all!! This is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for.  And I am SO with you on the whole, no tattoo unless it has meaning behind it (I would never get one simply as "decoration," you know?). LOL about the "reminder" for FI, haha! But yes, your reaction to it is exactly what I'm talking about.. I feel like it just makes people go, "huh?!" Plus, I am by NO means the typical badass tatted-up chick. It would be different if I had a bunch of them. Still, this is a hard decision for me... thanks for understanding where I'm coming from!

Thanks for looking into that Miss T :) *sigh...* I wish I had gone to a better artist from the start. The one I went to came reccomended to me, but I don't think he did a very good job at all... he drew the cross on my finger in ballpoint pen (I had no clue that wasn't what you "do"), for goodness sake. When I got it done over in the darker ink, this guy seemed to know his stuff. Designed and printed out a little sticker thing that made a temporary tattoo which he filled in with the real deal. It's just you can still see the wobbliness of the previous one underneath. :( Regardless, it's still bigger, thicker, and way darker than I ever wanted. And unfortunately there's no going back, as far as that's concerned (can't make it smaller!).

I looked into it and found a local laser center with an actual surgeon (not just a laser tech) that does the procedure for only $50 per square inch, per treatment. That is going to be much more reasonable, and worth it, IMO.

@AmeliaBedelia: You're right. It does matter how I perceive it. Thanks for your reassurance. And the next time around, I can do just as you said and have it exactly the way I want.

I think the conclusion I'm coming to is that it isn't fair to the sentiment behind my tat to have it look like something I'm not all that proud to show off. It deserves to be redone somewhere where it will look nice and clean and reflect the message I intended it to, rather looking confusing and unattractive.

I really appreciate everyone's honest opinions and support. I love that I can turn to you guys for that!

I voted to get it moved to another location.  I love the sentiment behind it , but it is distracting from the ring.  I'm not anti-tattoo , i have one myself but it's hidden and there are till somedays i have regret.  Your's is pretty small like you said so it shouldnt be too costly to remove.  I do love the sentiment behind it tho!

Well, I've bit the bullet guys. I made an appointment for a consultation and one laser treatment. Thanks Kitzy for the reassurance that removal can end up working nicely.

It's unfortunate that it does look messy because if it looked clear and sharp, I don't think I'd be having this problem. But I feel so much more validated now in my decision to try to remove it. And based on the number of people who are pro-my little tat, I feel like I shouldn't be horribly embarrassed by it in the meantime. I'm really glad I posted this.

@jenandchris: Thank you. That is a really good idea. I think if removal doesn't end up working all the way and you can still see the cross, I may do just that. Having your rings on separate fingers keeps them from damaging each other anyway.

I vote remove and move :) Sweet story though :)