@Meowkers: I imagine your husband knows his mom well enough to know how she would handle being told her dish isn't wanted. Let him make the call, and let him deal with it. If he feels that she would be hurt, it's not worth making a big deal out of it and just let her bring it...however maybe call her and say you're not sure if you are going to be able to make everything, so maybe she could also pick up some bread or make a salad in addition to help you out.
Could you call her and say something like "Hi MIL, I know DH called you the other day about the holidays and asked if you could help, but I think he got a little confused when talking to you. I was reeaally hoping you could bring _________ because the lats time you made it, it was so delicious. Maybe you could even bring the recipe so I could try making it that way in the future? I've been looking forward to eating your ______ since we started planning this." Since its phrased as a compliment, hopefully she wont be offended, and will be happy to bring the dish you want. If she still wants to do the lasagna, I think you need to just deal with it and let her bring it. People will probably take a piece to taste even if they don't eat it so I doubt the whole dish will sit untouched. It means more work on your end, but I rather cook some extra side dishes then start a disagreement with my MIL.
I think you have a pretty easy solution in the fact that you don't have to say anything about not liking the lasagna. You can just say that it being your first time hosting and all that it would be a lot more helpful if she could possibly bring side a & dessert b, etc. Make it be about her doing you a huge favor and play up the fact that you "need" her help and I think the problem is solved.
@nikkialys: Ithink this is a good way to approach it.
A lesson learned. As a host never ask someone to bring "a dish" you need to qualify it so that it fits into your plans. Can you bring a bread, or an appetizer or a green vegetable dish etc.
Just blame it on the DH 
Definitely just blame it on DH ;)
"Hi Mom! I guess DH forgot to give you a list of dishes to choose from! We definitely need help with XYZ dishes, can you possibly bring one of those in lieu of the lasagna?"
@ThreeMeers: lesson learned indeed! never send DH to do anything that requires strategy and manipulation.
Who eats lasagna for Thanksgiving? :-p Just kidding, I'm sure there are lots of people who prefer something like that to turkey. I would say to have your DH call her back (he shouldn't have a problem talking to her in a way that won't make her upset) and just say that you guys have the proteins covered and were hoping she would bring his favorite "______" instead.
@prisigtr: Yeah I'm just concerned that since he didn't say anything right way it'll look like he talked to me and that's I'm the one who is unhappy with the lasagna and in her head she'll blame me for...whatever. My MIL loves cooking up drama so I'm sure she'll twist this around into something more than it is and I'll get the blame for it.
blah.
Let that doorstop of noodles and whatever the hell else she puts in it (alum?) sit on the buffet and she'll figure out no one wants to eat it....I certainly wouldn't want to kick up a Thanksgiving Fuss over one of my MIL's culinary abortions.
@Meowkers: Yeah, that's true...I guess maybe you could still ask her to bring "his favorite dish" in addition to the lasagna to help out your menu, but do you think she would think that is rude? Or, like @Nona99 (love your posts!) says, let her bring it and she'll soon realize it was not the rave she thinks it is...does she even know it doesn't taste good?
Incidentally, what the hell is wrong with this woman??? Lasagna at Thanksgiving, really?
I think I'll bring a fog horn to a baptism and wear a beer hat to a wedding!! It is all wrong I tell you!!!
Green bean cassarole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, that cranberry crap in a can and some god damned rolls, that's what people want!
NOT YOUR NASTY LASAGNA!
@Nona99: @prisigtr: I'll probably just have her bring it and not cause a fuss over it. I mean really, who thinks that a lasagna is a good dish to bring to someone else's dinner. Don't people realize that the hosts have the main dish covered? (MIL has no social tact at all. it's like she was raised in a closet or something).
She's doesn't realize that one one likes her lasagna because she keeps making the darn thing!
@Meowkers: You should "drop" it when she comes in the door.
Honestly, I've beated whole sale ass for a lot less, and the LAST thing I wanna smell next Thursday is lasagna....
NONA SMASH!
@Nona99: I'm telling you, this woman is close to 70 but has absolutely zero common sense about social tact or graces. She'll walk into a room, insult everyone in there within minutes and never even realize that she did anything wrong. After about 4 hours with her I need one of those foam bats so I can go beat the shit out of something to release all the frustration she causes me.
The first time she came to our house was like a day after we bought it and the house needed work although it was not a junker by any means. She walked in and the first thing she said was "omg that light fixture and fireplace is so ugly. why did you buy this?" This is the kind of woman I'm dealing with!
@Nona99: You always crack me up! Yeah, lasagna would definitely not be on my Thanksgiving menu. I love turkey (especially the way my mom makes it; she's puertorican and seasons it just like she does the pork shoulder [pernil] and it's amazing!), but FI prefers ham. I told him we'll have ham for Christmas and Easter, lol.
@Meowkers: ...I always carry a flask, being slightly lit is the ONLY way to tolerate the hoarde of backward cannibals that sired Mr. 99, luckily, we don't have to do it that often, and since they're a pack of bipedal wolves, they don't understand civilized traditions, like Thanksgiving or silver ware and there's no need to invite them to functions that involve anything other than choosing the weakest specimen and tearing it limb from limb while smoking and saying, "Shit." a lot....
@Meowkers: Since when is lasagna a traditional thanksgiving dish? Is this the only thing in her repertoire? Tell her you've got all the savoury dishes covered, but that you really need someone to bring dessert. "here, let me just put a slice of turkey with cranberry sauce on my plate right next to this giant hunk of lasagna......"
@Meowkers: lesson learned indeed! never send DH to do anything that requires strategy and manipulation.
Seriously! Learned this early on. If I leave it up to DH everywhere we go we end up being responsible for "drinks" which to him means a few of 2 liters of soda which are hardly touched and nothing else! It boggles his mind that there are people in the world who drink anything except soda or that a hostess might want something more substantial.
@MrsPuddingface: She has made lasagna every Thanksgiving I've celebrated with her. And no one ever eats it except her and her husband. She fancies herself a great cook but the truth of it is that there are a handful of dishes that she makes well and the rest of her food is bland and illconceived. Unfortunately she never ever tries anything new.
@Meowkers: Given that your relationship with her is already ...er, trying... I wouldn't push with her because you know she is going to start drama. It sounds like she may already start up on something one way or another, but at least the drama doesn't have to start ten days before she walks in the door. That's why I'm thinking you can try to cut your losses and ask for something additional so you don't have to worry about the extra cooking due to the dish she is bringing. It sounds like she is used to eating lasagna every Thanksgiving while no one else does (so random, I keep on thinking about Garfield cartoons when I read this post...), so I don't think she'll be hurt this year that no one suddenly decides to aquire a taste for it.
Sorry :-/
Just a random thought - maybe call her yourself and act like you didn't know DH had already called her??
Otherwise, like PP have said, just ask her to bring something in addition instead of asking her NOT to bring the lasagna.
In other related news, for Christmas the past few years we have had a shrimp boil. lol I'm not home for Thanksgiving so am trying to get us back on a TRADITIONAL Christmas dinner...things not looking in my favor, tho. haha
@Nona99: This post almost made me cry here at work from laughing... mostly because i swear that is how SO must see a huge chunk of my family... the redneck side...
Thanks for all the advice ladies. DH decided to just bite the bullet and ask his mom to bring something else. She took it just fine and is now bringing zucchini and sausage pie. yum!
It sounds like the situation has worked out perfectly, but I had to respond to all the comments about lasagna for Thanksgiving.
Growing up, whether my parents hosted or other members of my mom's family hosted, we always had an Italian dish at major holidays, along with the traditional American dish. So we had both Stuffed Manicotti and Turkey at Thanksgiving or Lasagna and Ham at Christmas - it may be different, but it was normal for my (very Italian) family.
@Meowkers: phew! I'm a bit late to the thread, but wanted to say YAY for navigating that beast! :) Good luck with your first (hosting) Thanksgiving!! Just remember to ENJOY yourself (and have a drink close by at all times) :)
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DH and I are hosting our first Thanksgiving this year. When we told his Mom and invited her she immediately said she would of course bring a dish or two to help. wonderful!
So yesterday I asked DH to call his mom to find out what she would like to bring. Big mistake. Should have called her myself.
He calls and she tells him that she'll bring lasagna. DH thinks nothing of it and says ok. Once he tells me I remind him that:
1. Her lasagna is terrible and no one ever likes it, (including DH!)
2. We already have a huge Turkey so another main dish is not really needed and might not even be touched.
3. her bringing the unnecessary lasagna is really no help to us because it still leaves me making the stuff that is actually needed,
DH thought about it and agreed with all the points. But now we are conflicted about what to do. Do we just let her bring the lasagna even though it doesn't taste good and is completely unnecessary? Or do I call her and somehow tactfully ask her to bring something else? And how would I do this exactly? I don't want to hurt her feelings by asking her to bring something else but I also don't want her feelings to be hurt if no one eats the lasagna. And I would also love the extra help by her making something that can be crossed off my list, (like a side or bread or something)