A Thanksgiving conundrum. Advice needed

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@Meowkers:  I imagine your husband knows his mom well enough to know how she would handle being told her dish isn’t wanted. Let him make the call, and let him deal with it. If he feels that she would be hurt, it’s not worth making a big deal out of it and just let her bring it…however maybe call her and say you’re not sure if you are going to be able to make everything, so maybe she could also pick up some bread or make a salad in addition to help you out. 

Member
948 posts
Busy bee

Could you call her and say something like “Hi MIL, I know DH called you the other day about the holidays and asked if you could help, but I think he got a little confused when talking to you.  I was reeaally hoping you could bring _________ because the lats time you made it, it was so delicious.  Maybe you could even bring the recipe so I could try making it that way in the future?  I’ve been looking forward to eating your ______ since we started planning this.”  Since its phrased as a compliment, hopefully she wont be offended, and will be happy to bring the dish you want.  If she still wants to do the lasagna, I think you need to just deal with it and let her bring it.  People will probably take a piece to taste even if they don’t eat it so I doubt the whole dish will sit untouched.  It means more work on your end, but I rather cook some extra side dishes then start a disagreement with my MIL.  

Member
331 posts
Helper bee

I think you have a pretty easy solution in the fact that you don’t have to say anything about not liking the lasagna.  You can just say that it being your first time hosting and all that it would be a lot more helpful if she could possibly bring side a & dessert b, etc.  Make it be about her doing you a huge favor and play up the fact that you “need” her help and I think the problem is solved.

Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee

@nikkialys:  Ithink this is a good way to approach it.

A lesson learned. As a host never ask someone to bring “a dish” you need to qualify it so that it fits into your plans. Can you bring a bread, or an appetizer or a green vegetable dish etc.

Just blame it on the DH Tongue Out 

Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely just blame it on DH ;)

“Hi Mom! I guess DH forgot to give you a list of dishes to choose from! We definitely need help with XYZ dishes, can you possibly bring one of those in lieu of the lasagna?”

Member
10727 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I would totally blame it on him. “Silly men…” Etc. 

Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee

Who eats lasagna for Thanksgiving?  :-p  Just kidding, I’m sure there are lots of people who prefer something like that to turkey.  I would say to have your DH call her back (he shouldn’t have a problem talking to her in a way that won’t make her upset) and just say that you guys have the proteins covered and were hoping she would bring his favorite “______” instead.  

Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Let that doorstop of noodles and whatever the hell else she puts in it (alum?) sit on the buffet and she’ll figure out no one wants to eat it….I certainly wouldn’t want to kick up a Thanksgiving Fuss over one of my MIL’s culinary abortions.

Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee

@Meowkers:  Yeah, that’s true…I guess maybe you could still ask her to bring “his favorite dish” in addition to the lasagna to help out your menu, but do you think she would think that is rude?  Or, like @Nona99 (love your posts!) says, let her bring it and she’ll soon realize it was not the rave she thinks it is…does she even know it doesn’t taste good?  

Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

Incidentally, what the hell is wrong with this woman??? Lasagna at Thanksgiving, really?

I think I’ll bring a fog horn to a baptism and wear a beer hat to a wedding!!  It is all wrong I tell you!!!

Green bean cassarole, mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, that cranberry crap in a can and some god damned rolls, that’s what people want!

NOT YOUR NASTY LASAGNA!

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