(Closed) a vent about money, mom & emotion

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@fbrownbride:  So sorry your going through this…It sounds like emotional blackmail. She is using the money to leverage her position. I dont know if you can put on your wedding without their help financially but if its at all possible then do so. She is trying to get her needs met while holding something over your head. I would put in a call to dad, and nicely ask what is the budget they are intending to help with. Then I would suggest putting it into an account that only you and he can access. This way she doesnt have the control to pull the money back if she doesnt get her way. If Dad is the understanding type he will hopefully understand. Your wedding should be special.

Dont give her the power to take that from you. My mom is an issue too, happily she is actually being quiet for once.

I would plan the wedding according to your budget. If dad comes through with the money you can always add to it. Your a DIYourselfer which should help with cost. Also there are tons of options for saving money these days.

Hope everything works out for you and good luck.

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Can you get your Dad to send you a check? Mine told me after we were engaged what he would contribute, and gave the full amount up front. And sounds like the issue of “is this a gift, or is it a list of demands” needs to be worked out. (although once you have the money, you could do whatever you wanted with it) 

Hope this works out!

Post # 5
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rebwana:  This is a great idea, unless it’s so early in planning that they don’t know how much to write the check for.  You can always ask for a check and then keep detailed receipts so you can refund anything you think you need.

Here is the deal, though.  If you accept the money, it sounds like you’ll have to play her game and if I was in your position, enough is enough.  “Did you really just make it a stipulation that I lose weight otherwise I will lose my fiance?  The one that wants to marry me?  REALLY?” Sounds like a a ‘come to jesus’ is in order.  My mom tried to stick her nose in it and that’s why I have her check still on the refrigerator door.  I’m planning how I want to plan, with my money, and then once it’s done I am paying myself from her check.  This way I get what I want and if she ever wants to pull the plug, she can.  But I am also planning my wedding on what I can afford so anything she gives me just makes it closer to a zero balance.  I suggest you do the same. 

Don’t let her bully you.

Post # 8
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Congrats and so happy it worked out for you. It sounded from the get go that your dad was a good ally. Good on your sister too. I hope you have the wedding of your dreams. You certainly deserve it.

 

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You should send your sister flowers, sounds like she really has your back!

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Three cheers for your sister!

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