- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I really need to just vent & apologize in advance for the length. There are a few issues at hand and am trying to wrap my mind around them to come to a solution.
Plain and simple, money has sucked the joy right out of the wedding for me. I am excited about being married to the love of my life, but I dread the wedding (party) part of it because of the cost & logistics & mom.
My immediate family lives in another city that they have all migrated to over the years, but my FH and I and his family, a great chunk of my family & all of our nearest and dearest all live in Chicago, where I grew up. I never lived in the other city. My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary in the town they now live in and suggested we piggyback our wedding on to their celebration because it was “more convenient”. Even though I was a little annoyed at the idea of getting married at their convenience, we gently and diplomatically told them that we really wanted them to have the celebration they earned and expressed our deep desire to be married in Chicago. My dad accepted it, my mom was a little less gracious and complained to my sister who went to bat for us. She backed down until…
Fast forward to finances: I really wasn’t counting on my parents contribution towards the wedding, and was excited for something REALLY small with our nearest and dearest that I could afford with a lot of DIY. My parents are well off, but they have renegged on promises before with me so I couldn’t count on them paying for any part of the wedding like they did for my sisters. Plus, I’m not a kid. Even though I am by no means a rich adult and neither is FH. Enter financial setback. Sucky, until my dad called saying they were going to contribute x amount, we were so grateful. It was lower than what I had saved and did cause some stress to figure out how to make it work with that amount, but it was still more than I had after the setback.
Then my mom sent me her list of demands for the wedding. And the location became an issue again. People that MUST be there. Details that MUST be there. How I must lose some weight or I would lose FH. She wasn’t at all subtle about it and started pulling back financially. My dad is the one who actually has the pulse on their finances, but my mom seems to want to back out on his promise lowering the amount the longer the conversation went. “I don’t know how that’s even possible in Chicago, but you’re creative so you can make it work” She suggested I ask my sisters for financial help (NO) to make those things happen. She isn’t really helping with any of the details, by the way, just demanding certain very expensive musts. These are not FH or my musts.
So in the span of 2 weeks, my budget went from doable on my own, to nothing, to this is possible, to maybe nothing and a whole lot of mom drama injected in there. Ok, I get that it’s their money, and they can do what they want with it, but it’s more the broken promise that hurts and I feel like a fool for having my hopes up. My sisters have offered their very talented hands to help, but how can they DIY with no materials!?!
I have stopped working on the guest list because all I see are dollar signs over every relationship, which makes me feel like a giant jerk. Plus, now that the money is a question mark, I don’t see the point in working on a guest list. I’ve stopped dreaming about anything wedding.
Exactly when was this supposed to be fun and happy? It’s a nightmare of an emotional rollercoaster! I keep hearing people tell me that it will work out, but I am having a hard time seeing that right now, much less imagining having anything other than a quick & dirty civil ceremony without people that we love. I’m trying very hard to keep it together at work, but tears are escaping of their own will.