(Closed) A very rude family member…..

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just kill her with kindness. Others will be able to see how rude/inappropriate she’s being and if you just let it slide off your back you will be the much more mature one in the situation.

It sounds like she does all this because she wants to be the center of attention. Be pleasant to her and ignore her rude comments. (Then you can come here and vent about all the stupid things she said.)

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You know her better than we do, but just stating that she thinks the dress is low cut isnt necessarily rude, its just seems like its her opinion. My mom thinks any sweetheart dress is low cut, I think its just her generation or her conservative sense of style

Post # 6
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

Dude. First off–I’m sorry. She sucks. People like that though–they ain’t gonna change. People who are straight up classless will never stop being so. You just can’t stoop to her level.

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Dont let her ruin it for you! just make sure you dont sit by her at the shower. if she makes comments people will proly think shes just a negative person and make herself look bad. as for the dress im sure its beautiful and remember that you and a good friend would wear completely different dresses so dont be worried about what your aunt says who isnt used to seeing people in our generation in dresses.

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I;m sorry you are having to deal with a person like this – it isn’t easy! How old is she? I have a grandmother who is a bit like that – everytime I see her she comments on how fat I am and openly insults other people in the family without a care in the world – howeber I’ve come to understand she is very old and just doesn’t realise what she says will hurt and offend people. If your aunt is old maybe she is similar? 

Another alternative could be jealousy? Is she married? If not she could be jealous of what you have and your joy in planning a wedding. I have a friend who would constantly be rude to me because she had a baby at a very young age and has no money to enjoy herself and so she tries to put me down to make herself feel better? Could that be it?

Either way it is out of order but if you let it get to you then you will end up dragging yourself down for your wedding which isn’t fair on you. Just don’t show her that what she says gets to you and just smile and be polite – then she will lose the ammunition to be so rude.

Best of luck x x

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I;m sorry you are having to deal with a person like this – it isn’t easy! How old is she? I have a grandmother who is a bit like that – everytime I see her she comments on how fat I am and openly insults other people in the family without a care in the world – howeber I’ve come to understand she is very old and just doesn’t realise what she says will hurt and offend people. If your aunt is old maybe she is similar? 

Another alternative could be jealousy? Is she married? If not she could be jealous of what you have and your joy in planning a wedding. I have a friend who would constantly be rude to me because she had a baby at a very young age and has no money to enjoy herself and so she tries to put me down to make herself feel better? Could that be it?

Either way it is out of order but if you let it get to you then you will end up dragging yourself down for your wedding which isn’t fair on you. Just don’t show her that what she says gets to you and just smile and be polite – then she will lose the ammunition to be so rude.

Best of luck x x

Post # 9
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

To be honest if you wanted to show up to your wedding with tassels on your nipples, that would be none of her business. I have to agree with the previous ladies and kill her with kindness. If she steps out of line though, pull her to the say and talk to her about her runny mouth. Let her know that she makes you very uncomfortable.

Post # 11
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

I would deck her! lol If I had an aunt like that I would have no problem to tell her to her face to not come to my wedding if she finds it inappropriate or if she doesn’t like it lucky she doesn’t have to wear it or to keep her stupid thoughtless comments to herself. 

I would be bluntly rude back. I cannot stand rudeness I have a sister that is rude and selfish and what not and she was never invited to my wedding and that’s just how I roll, but that really does suck. I mean if you aren’t close to her cut her out of your life it sounds like she is just a miserable person that could care less whether you include her or not anyway.

Post # 13
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

@AstoriaBoston:  I guess I am in the minority here when I suggest to flame the b*itch the next time she says something rude. 

I’ve always respected my family and my elders etc, but when one of them CONSISTENTLY is rude to me with no remorse whatsoever, I don’t feel like I have to just “take it”  (This is based upon the OP saying that she makes more comments than just the dress one.)

Personally, if she said something rude to me again, I would quietly and dryly sneak in a comment back and walk away.  (Think something sarcastic or passive aggessive, so you are not too confrontational.)  Often times, once someone realizes that you’ve got a little “fight” in ya, they will leave you alone. 

Some may say this is stooping to her level- I just say it’s conveying “you’re not getting away scott-free with this anymore” in HER language. 

Post # 15
Member
5894 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sometimes these people just don’t listen to themselves when they talk or just don’t realize they are being inappropriate. You can kill her with kindness, but you should also think of a short statement to say that lets her know how you feel.

For instance, my Mom is Japanese and they can have a very sharp tongue. They don’t see anything wrong is saying “you look fat” or many other things that are just rude and mean. (They aren’t rude to other people luckily) But it took many years of therapy to understand her. I’ve learned how to let certain things roll off my back. But when her tongue gets super sharp, I very calmly look at her and say, “You are being mean”.  In the beginning she would try to talk (that’s not what I meant or you are too sensitive) and I just calmly looked at her or walked away.

So for your Aunt I would say, “You may not be aware, but your statement is hurtful” or treat her like I would my middle school student “that was inappropriate”. But you have to do/say it very calmly and don’t react to what they say.

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