I have loved you, i have felt tingly feelings around you, i have admired you, i have boasted about you, i have enjoyed you and i have been proud to be your girlfriend.
I love you still, but i no longer am proud to be your girlfriend.
I have wanted to be more than your girlfriend for over 2 years and wanting to be more to someone than they’ve allowed has eaten me from the inside. I have been to darker, lower and the most miserable places i have ever experienced. You know, because you have watched.
Up until now i have blamed myself. For being too emotional, sad, not being happy enough around you, bringing it up, letting my true feelings show. But i don’t blame myself anymore.
I don’t blame you either. You have not wanted the same things as me at the same time. I understand that.
But i have also learned the hard way that relationships are about compromise. When it’s necessary, sacrificing a little of what you want for the person you love. I haven’t compromised much. But the compromises i have made were big. And i made them because i knew that for our relationship to be stronger it was necessary to make some sacrifices.
Now my dream is to be your wife. to have that honour, that recognition that i’m more important to you than anything. For you to tell the world that it is me you want forever. But i’ve had to set aside that dream because it is not what you want right now.
You have in the past called me selfish. But i know i am not. I know that i have done everything i can for this relationship. I have made myself a fool, crazy, insane. You have seen it as a horrible thing watching me. But it was all because i wanted you so insanely much. i wanted our relationship to grow into something real and recognised.
now i have decided it’s time to think about me. Because i’ve given too much, compromised too much. I have allowed myself to give everything of me to this relationship. I only demanded one thing from this relationship. It was big but not life-changing or uprooting. the compromise you needed to make for me, you couldn’t do. And it has left me empty, feeling deflated, no longer passionate.
I don’t blame you. you need to think about you too. If it’s not right for you it’s important that you don’t do something you aren’t happy or sure about.
but i have given you enough time to think about it and there have been many beautiful and wonderful moments we have spent where love for you has swelled in my heart. We have been many places, shared many fun moments. but you haven’t felt like there was a good moment to tell me that i was so special to you that i would be yours forever.
So now i am leaving you. not because i’ve fallen out of love with you. but because i’ve decided it’s time to love myself a little more. I had given up on my jane austen happy ending. But suddenly i’ve decided i want it after all. And i think i deserve it.
I probably will never quite understand why you didn’t want to make me yours. I can only guess that my sadness stopped me being attractive. I certainly have felt like a burden to you, that i was a monetary cost you could do without. But I’ve decided that i want to be special to someone one day. so special i won’t have to wait for years for them to make me theirs. Someone who will give me my silly jane austen ending i’ve always wanted.
I know you’ll easily find someone that will love you. you’re very handsome and funny and charming. And as i remember from quite a few years ago, you are extremely romantic. I know the girl you choose will probably be much more suited to being your wife than i ever would be.
I know you told me you would ask me this year and really it’s madness, couldn’t i wait just a few more months? But i can’t wait. Maybe i was a waiting girl once, but it’s like waiting in line to a club and the bouncer isn’t letting you in. I don’t feel very important anymore.
Making me wait longer when you know i’m suffering inside has opened my eyes to the fact that i’ve waited long enough for you and now it’s time for me to stop waiting.
Wow. What a deep, emotional letter. My heart ached for you reading it- you are doing the right thing for yourself. You do deserve better and better is what you will get. Hugs!
This is such a nice letter and it explains everything..I hope you find someone that you deserve!
I give you so much credit for baring your self like this. You really laid it all out there. I hope you get what you want out of all of this and find your happiness!
That must have been a very painful letter to write. If he knows it's important to you to be married but he's still not ready after six years, I think you're right to want to find someone who does want the same things you want.
that was a beautifully written letter. I do not believe in walk dates, but reading that gave me a new perspective. If you can truly feel this way, just realize he is not the person you are meant to spend your life with.
good luck, and i hope you find someone amazing, who makes you their wife because they cannot even imagine life without you!
There are so many women who I wish could read this! How beautiful, mature, and courageous.
I am so proud of you for writing this letter.Life is too short to wait around for someone that is not in the same place.Good luck.Who knows,maybe this will be the push he needs to do right by you.Hugs
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and I felt like a little piece of me was in this letter; I know exactly how you feel. I admire your braveness and strength. :)
I hope you have the courage to give it to him! You articulate yourself extremely well and you clearly deserve better!
i could feel all your emotions from this letter. Good luck with everything in your life.
Very emotional. If you see yourself being with this man for the rest of your life but he does not, or will not commit to it. That's not fair to you hun! You deserve to be with someone who wants the same things as you. You are in no way selfish for it!
Your an amazing woman
Not only is it well written and heart felt but you are leaving being the bigger person.
No nasty comment or bitterness.
I hope this encourages other woman to put their own happiness first.
@waspilla: I'm sorry it came to this, but i know thats it's right. and more importantly, You know. walk tall and stay strong. xoxo
I hope you do give it to him. It sounds like you're finally ready to take control of your life and get what you want
Hugs, and Chin up!
I know how you feel, I was with my now fiance for over 8 years before he proposed.
I had no idea it was coming and was thinking of ending it, although I loved him and was
happy. I was beginning to resent him for making an ass out of me and for making me wait
so long.
I hope your story has a happy ending.
This almost brought me to tears. No one should feel this way while in a relationship. I hope you have the courage to give this to him and I wish you the best luck on your new journey.
Give it to him. Now! That was beautifully written and unfortunately, probably wasted on him. You DO deserve more.
(Hugs and a nice soothing cup of tea and a buiscuit)
good job!
@waspilla: Just to be sure, are you writing this letter just because he won't propose? This is a lot of pressure, and for some people 2 years is not enough time to process everything and make a life-time decision.
Do remember, that married or not married, you are still with the person you love. And that's what counts in the end of life. But perhaps this letter is about something else?
Are you having relationship issues, other than he's not ready to propose?
good luck bee. (edit* oops, just noticed the title of post said 6 years... I do think it's right to walk if you're not on the same path)
Very well written. I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this but I definitely think you are on the right track. You DO deserve more & you don't deserve a proposal from a man who is just proposing to get it over with or to pacify you. It sounds like giving him this letter would 100% be the best thing for you & I really hope you do.
wow...that is very well written. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I hope he realizes that!
(( HUGS )) Sweetie
Gosh this is one of the most powerful (empowering) letters / posts that I've ever read here on WBee
You are a couragous strong CONFIDENT woman, who is on track
You deserve a man who will jump at the opportunity to date you, court you, marry you... a man who LOVES you and raises you up to be a better person... not a guy who tears you down, or stands by watching as you crumble**
And certainly not some guy who leads you on (and may still do so after you give him this letter... "ah hon, give me a wee bit more time... I promise it is in the works") as jcw522: I am a tad worried he'll pull a stunt like that... and you'll be tempted to cave (but yet again)
Protect your heart... because there is a man out there who will honour it and you
And ya know what... if you carry that CONFIDENCE forward, and put yourself first from now on (less sacrificing, more rejoicing in the rewards of a GOOD Relationship) I have a feeling that the Jane Austen ending you are looking for won't be far down the road
Take care
** That part of your letter brought a tear to my eye... as I can soooo relate. (I was in an Abusive Marriage for over 20+ Years, it took me forever to realize / come to terms with the fact that TRUE LOVE doesn't make the other person worse for wear, it really does make them better all around)
PS... And don't for a minute think this is Good-Bye to "the Hive"... cause we all want to know how you are doing. And of course this is a very social site now... with lots of other areas / topics to chat about... be sure and check out some of the other Boards in the NWR (Non Wedding Related) categories
That is such a strong and personal letter, that lays it all on the line without pointing fingers for blame.
Thank you for sharing.
Ultimately, it is your decision whether or not to give it to you. Only you can know if that is right. I can sympathize with you - I was with my FH for 5 years when I started hitting that point you're at, as we had been friends for 9 years.
It's hard, but if you choose to give him the letter - stay strong, gather your family and friends around you and hold your head high as you move forward taking care of yourself and your needs.
@waspilla: Please don't take this the wrong way but I've always believed that if you can imagine life without someone (ie. leave them for not marrying you) then you shouldn't marry them anyway.
That being said, I've been in the waiting boat and know the doubts you can have when someone so close to you denies you the one thing you want so badly. Please think about this long and hard, consider if your relationship other than this makes you happy. I can tell you from experience that to some boys, being a "husband" means that they are all grown up, getting old and turning into their fathers, which is terrifying. It is not about being afraid of a commitment to you, but of the new social role a marriage entails.
Good luck!
@shaniqua: "Please don't take this the wrong way but I've always believed that if you can imagine life without someone (ie. leave them for not marrying you) then you shouldn't marry them anyway."
I totally disagree. Your argument only works if someone doesn't have any personal goals that depend on being married. In my case, I wanted to have children, and it is important to me to raise my kids in a married household. That is part of my value system. It's the kind of family I want. If someone doesn't share that value system, then he is not the right person for me.
You need to cut it down by at least 90%. Short and to the point. He's not going to get past the first paragraph, otherwise, because like it or not, men are not as emotional as women when it comes to relationships.
All you need to do is tell him
1. You still love him, but
2. You feel you have made compromises for him
3. You have made it clear you want to get married
4. He is not willing to make that compromise for you
5. So you are leaving him.
And I certainly wouldn't mention Jane Austin. 100% of the men I've asked (and that's also in the 100s) , absoultely loathe her books.
You are doing the right thing, btw. He should know by now if he wants to marry you. I was married to a man that had to be virtually dragged to the altar after 7 years. It was a massive mistake.
i say, if you love him that much, talk to him calmly before giving him this letter. Giving him this letter can go two ways, one, he will propose to you at the spot, or two, your emotions are too much of a burden for him he will let you go. Do know that 6 years is also a long commitment to a guy. I do believe he has all the intentions to marry you, or else he would have left you years ago. I say hold on for one more year. You are only 26, which is still young. I know it's hard to tell you to enjoy the ride, but meh, I was with my SO for 7 years before we got engaged.
Good luck!
@Sekhmet: If she does any of this, she's basically again catering to him (oh, again!).
OP, I frankly love the letter and think you should give it to him as is. If he doesn't bother reading past the first paragraph, then he's a douche canoe.
I'm so sorry. :(
i agree with the pp who said it had to be shorter. The Jane Austen paragraph doesn't need to be ther and this mine certainly has to go:
" know you’ll easily find someone that will love you. you’re very handsome and funny and charming. And as i remember from quite a few years ago, you are extremely romantic. I know the girl you choose will probably be much more suited to being your wife than i ever would be."
unless you want him to feel good about the situation.
I am probably in the minority here, but I really don´t understand why you are leaving now if he said he would propose this year? You say you want to find someone who wants the same as you, but if you leave it could take years to find another suitable man, and then probably several more years of dating before you are ready to get engaged.
If you really love him, I think you should stay and wait just a few more months for the proposal.
And please understand, I was also waiting for my FI to propose, but when he finally did it was so worth the wait.
"I only demanded one thing from this relationship. It was big but not life-changing or uprooting. the compromise you needed to make for me, you couldn’t do."
If you mean a proposal/marriage, surely that is the MOST life changing thing anyone could ever do??
Besides that, I feel for you, and I can resonate with your hurt because I felt it too before we got engaged.
@shaniqua: I don't think that's true. I've been in enough relationships to know that no matter what I think, I can and will go on if the relationship ends. I've also been in an incredibly toxic relationship that I couldn't imagine myself without, but it was the most unhealthy thing ever, and even though I couldn't imagine myself without him, under no circumstances would it have been a good idea to get married. But then, I also don't believe in "one true love" or any of that. There are probably millions of men in the world who I could be happily married to or in a relationship with for the rest of my life. What makes my fiance special is that he wants to marry me too.
@Helloemi: +1 Me too.
@Mrs. Mink: +1 Agreed
@shaniqua: I disagree, (IMO) because of my situation with my SO.
@waspilla: Beautifully written, I can relate to some of the things you wrote. I too have been with my SO for 6.5 years. my walk date is in July, I hope I don't have to write a letter like this. but Im preparing myself for any outcome.
Wow, beautiful letter. I know several people who would have liked to have written something like that but never had the guts to actually do it. I think you are right in everything that you said--you shouldn't be miserable because he has been indecisive this long. How long have you guys been together, it sounds like a while.
As PPs have said, keep that confidence. You WILL find the right person who will love you the way that you deserve. Good luck!
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