Post # 1
So last week the hubby and I found out we are expecting! Yay! We shared with a very select group of people that we are close to. (His parents know, mine do not. In fact they will not be told for a few more weeks.) Sorry for kind of a long story, or vent, or whatever. I just need to get it out.
One of the couples have been TTC for roughly 5 years with no luck, our news has stirred some mixed emotions and I feel a bit of strain. They will be GREAT parents when their time comes and I feel terrible that it has been such a long road for them but I don’t know how to help and mend our friendship.
Couple #2 is my BIL/SIL. They found out that they were expecting in early August. When she went for her first US it was discovered that the fetus stopped developing at roughly 5 weeks. She ended up having a D&C and it was so difficult to watch. She was so depressed and as a friend, I felt helpless. They are TTC again.
Couple #3 is my SIL/BIL. SIL is the baby of the family. She is SO sweet and totally shocked us when we found out she was pregnant in June. She was having a very difficult pregnancy but kept pushing thru until week 22 when she was hospitalized for preeclampsia. On September 19 (Week 24) our nephew was taken via C-Section after she almost lost her life. (Her organs began failing quickly.) He was 1lb 2.6oz 11 1/3in long. He passed away 3 days ago after putting up a 22 day fight. It is so horrible! The pain is unbearable.
The point of all this? The hubby and I have spent so much time crying and feeling helpless trying to help our family. It is stressfull. I am so fearful of what can or may happen. It has been a constant heavy feeling around here.
My FIL made that statement that I need to “make sure this one makes it”, my MIL is constantly asking if I am scared, SIL #1 keeps saying things like, “What next? Why does this keep happening to us? Be careful.” And at the same time I am being told not to be worried or think the negative. Everything is making me feel guilty for getting pregnant and I can tell you that even tho we are excited we haven’t enjoyed it yet. (FYI: Thinking this way making me feel selfish.)
Ugh, I don’t know how to handle any of this and just needed to vent.
Post # 3
My heart goes out to you :(. I can’t imagine dealing with all of this!
Take it one day at a time. Cross bridges as you come to them. I wish I had better advice, but I don’t. I hope it helps.
Post # 4
So sorry to hear of the losses surrounding you. But Congratulations to you. Know that problems in pregnancy is fairly rare. I am wishing you well.
Post # 5
@Fixin2BMrs.Awesome: First off, congratulations on your pregnancy!
The couples you referenced have experienced loss and tragedy and frustration, and the families have as well. That’s not going to go away until they each have a happy, healthy baby in their arms. Know that they are deep down happy for you, even though they can’t express it. I know after my D&C, just seeing pregnant women made me burst into tears. Things that happened in the same month as my due date brought me to tears. And even when I quickly became pregnant again with my son, the worrying didn’t stop. You know that their pain is not in any way reflective of their feelings for you; it’s to do with their own personal struggles. It’s possible that they just need some time to get used to the idea and come to terms with your pregnancy/be happy for you externally, too.
For the family members, try and let it go in one ear and out the other. Follow your doctor’s advice with regards to your pregnancy, and no one elses. If it gets overwhelming, tell them that their worries and fears are causing you and the baby stress and could they please keep their thoughts to themselves.
I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months and baby dust to the other couples in your life!
Post # 6
I have been through something like this, my SIL was pregnant, their daughter came 3 months early and didn’t make it. FIL made the comment I hope Ashley ( SIL) gets pregnant before you do. Thought it was kinda rude, but whatever. She got pregnant and me soon after. She had their son, healthy. The boys will be about 2 months apart. Feel like no one was happy for us because she had been trying awhile and we were out on backburner.
Post # 7
Thank you for the support ladies. Its hard to keep the feeling in when you are so friggin emotional! LOL I spent the day with another SIL and a large group of her friends. (Did I mention the 7 kiddos?!) It was nice to talk to people that were so positive and to compare symptoms with 2 of the other gals there. :o)
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve heard the key to a happy, healthy pregnancy is surrounding yourself with calm and tranquility… which might also mean people who will encourage you and not put the pressure on you more than you feel right now. 🙁 Try to surround yourself with friends and family who will understand this emotional time as well as maybe be able to share positive pregnancy stories.