- 3 years ago
So… My SO of 4+ years and I have planned on getting engaged for a few months. We want to wait until I am at least 20 which will be in March, but that’s not really the problem, my age will just help you understand why I am having such a hard time.
My SO is 21 and will be 22 also in March, he has a very good job for his age. Since the day he turned 18 he has been looking at houses on the local realty site monthly. We found a perfect house for US. It is a lot bigger than we want it to be, but we want children one day and we could so easily fill the home and we can with out a doubt see ourselves living there for a VERY long time, if not forever. It is a 4 bedroom (one of them is super small for some reason so we would make it an office) 2 full bathroom Victorian built in 1900. We both LOVE Victorian houses. This one so happens to have a good foundation, brand new wiring, a new furance, new water heater, new roof, refinished hardwood floors, a completely updated giant kitchen (all done in 2012) the rest of the house was updated in 1999. It’s all in very good condition for being 114 years old.
“So? What’s the problem?” you might be thinking.
1.) His mother. Her and I have always been like sisters, she loves me a lot, but she is incredibly bossy and controlling as much as I hate to admit it. SHE CALLED OUR REALTOR AND TOLD HER TO FIND US SOMETHING YOUNGER AND MORE UPDATED. Seriously? Hello! I know we are young, but this isn’t about her at all. This is about us and what we want. We want the Victorian home, it has been a dream of both of ours since we can remember. She is totally freaking out saying “You’re gonna hate those stairs, especially when you get older!” “what about when you have kids and they fall down the stairs and break their freaking neck” “It’s so close to the street! If you have kids what do you want? For them to get ran over and die?” Okay both my mom’s house and my dad’s house had grand stair cases, and my mom lived in a city of 200,000 people two blocks away from one of the busiest roads in the city. Guess what? I AM STILL ALIVE, and I am sure many of you have lived in town with stair cases too and you’re here typing with me. She will not stop bitching about it. The worst part is I work with her at his families restaurant so it’ll be rich hearing her nag and nag and nag all night this Friday.
2.) No professional wants to help me when I have a question. I went to the court house to get tax records since it is so old and I wanted history on the house. They were absolutely no help at all and looked at me like I was stupid and absolutely crazy. Like they couldn’t believe a young girl in this economy was looking to buy a house. My mom told me it should be easy obtaining tax records. I told her about the bitchy middle aged women at the court house offering no help at all and she was just as fumed as I was. Needless to say apparently I still have to go get my mommy to be taken seriously by any middle aged adult. My mother is incredibly excited and happy for us to buy the home
3.) I really wanted to be engaged before buying a house with my SO because my grandma doesn’t even like that we have been living in an apartment together for the past year. She would at least be appeased if we were engaged, she was a realtor for 50 years and it’s her passion. I would love to invite her to expect the house, but my mom doesn’t think it is a good idea since she really wants us to be married before doing something like that.
4.) He is the only established one in the relationship as of right now. I am in nursing school and I wont graduate with my RN BSN for another 2 1/2- 3 1/2 years. I would feel so much more comfortable if I was established too because it is very very unlikely that someone going into my profession will ever be out of a job… It’s unlikely with his job too, but still it is something you absolutely have to think about. And thinking about it drives me off of the deep end. Even if for some horrible reason he did lose his job, he has a for sure back up plan that pays about the same at his dads construction business.
Any advice?… I know there’s a lot to cover here, but I need guidance since my mother is the only person that believes in me and takes me seriously…