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There was a Nightline special about a week ago discussing this issue and interviewed a few successful single AA women; Steve Harvey was also a special guest. I think if I was still single at mu current age (29) and had no potential prospects, I would honestly have to say that I would be concerned about it....but try my hardest to just focus on myself and trying to be the best wife when Mr. Right does come along.
OK, when I first looked at this post I thought it was referring to Alcoholics Anonymous! lol But I digress...This is the first that I have heard of these statistics, but I certainly know from my personal experience that this has some truth to it. There are so many beautiful, strong, and inteligent women in our community who are still searching for love and want to be married. But to answer your question, no I have never worried about this for myself because when it comes down to it there are many statistics that are not in our favor and if I worried about all of them, I think a girl could go crazy!
@Mrs...it's weird b/c I didn't really feel out of place as far as my age until FI mentioned it way back when...more in a "why is someone like you still single at 30" way than an "old maid nobody must not want you" way....LOL. I was almost 31 when I met my FI..I am 34 now. Most of my friends have gotten married between the ages of 26 and 36 so I honestly just thought that was normal until saw the statistics.
If you want someone and can't find one...I think those statistics would be almost devastating...that's almost half of black women...I didn't know we had it THAT bad!
@Ellea...you are right. Some of those statistics could drive a girl crazy. At the end of the day...we all can be associated with some statistic or another.
Yeah....not promising at all; a very bleak and depressing picture.
I learned back in undergrad that statistics can be used to push any agenda. I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could find statistics that show Black marriages are successful. So, I have never worried about the statistics. I have not had an issue with meeting "good" men, it just took some time to meet the "good" man for me. It does not depress me or cause me any pain when I hear or read about these statistics. I see it has a way to frustrate us and keep us down on ourselves. Some people read these things and just give up totally on finding the one for them. Statistics are numbers... nothing more. And with most numbers, you can manipulate them to give you a result you want... if you're good enough at manipulation. It might seem elementary that 1 + 1 = 2; but sometimes... a smart person can convince the masses that it actually equals 3. And the masses will listen and base their life decisions on that. I do find it comical that the media is paying so much attention to the marriage rate in Black America and the percentage of single Black women. Why now?
I think it's an interesting question academically, but also has a lot of practical significance. So many of my girlfriends are looking for the right guy and having trouble finding him. Many have started dating outside racial lines with mixed feelings about it.
I read another statistic while I was in grad school that freaked me out. It said that if a woman hadn't met the person she was going to marry by the time she graduated from grad school, then she had only a 16% chance of meeting and marrying someone. Those are horrible odds that pertained to me!
I refused to let myself become a statistic and became a success... I later found out that those statistics were from the 80's which were pretty outdated for our era.
Anyway, I'm glad that my black sisters on this board have met with success and are beating the odds! I hope the same for my IRL girlfriends. Any of you want to write a book to help my friends out?
I saw this story on Dateline too. And found that the statistics were startling, but sadly not surprising in the context of our society. It's heartbreaking to think that so many great women may not have the opportunity to be married just because of the color of their skin.
So when I think about the stats, it makes me so thankful that I found someone to love and love me back. Although I may actually be one of the other "statistics" because I did find love outside of my race. Sure, I had always thought I would marry an African American man, but when I found love with my FI I very quickly discovered that love knows no color.
I actually think this is fairly accurate, although I know numbers can be manipulated. When I go out and in my field of work, I do not see many AA women who are married in my age range (late 20's early 30's) however I see a lot of women of other ethnic backgrounds who are.
For me, personally, I didn't worry about the statistic or even consider not getting married as a possibility for me. My AA grandparents were married until their death, most of my aunts & uncles are married, and many of my cousins are married (although we are technically "mixed" I consider myself and most of us AA).
Also, I think the problem is that not everyone defines "marriage" the same. Most of my friends parents are not legally married (nor were mine) although some have married after 20+ years, but they weren't any less "married" than those who made it legal, KWIM? So, if long-term committed (a.k.a. common law) marriages were included, I'm sure that would bump up the statistic some.
The statistics that I find more interesting are that the more money an AA man makes, the more likely he will marry a non-AA woman and that the more money and education an AA woman has, the more likely she is to be alone. Now, those two (and, no, I don't have exact numbers on the top of my head) are the ones I have the hardest time wrapping my head around, although I could debate any number of reasons why.
The last time I saw one of these things, posted on CNN, I willfully decided that it didn't apply to me. I met FH the next day.
I really have a problem with articles declaring a certain type of person "less likely to marry if ____", particularly the ones written to scare readers rather than just reporting facts. I think the articles are potentially damaging and serve to reinforce cultural stereotypes (racial or age-related or whatever).
Here's a pretty good article about it.
Totally agree MsSnuggie! I met good men all the time, but not the right good man for me! Glad someone understands it. I've told people that and they get confused...how, I'm not sure. LOL (I met him after I prayed for him though.;) )
I try not to listen to those statistics. I've already beat one by not being a single parent. We all know how supposedly all black women have kids and aren't married.
@ Ms. Snuggy -- So, I am a sociologist working on my PhD right now, so I will definitely 2nd your point about the usage of statistics. For instance, even if we accept the statistic as factually "correct" it doesn't consider cohabitation--which can be equally as committed and long-term. That's just the first possibly-overlooked consideration that came to mind.
I think that if I hadn't been in a committed relationship over the past years I would have been worried, but not just b/c of the stats for AA marriages--but rather b/c I see so few healthy, happy relationships PERIOD that sometimes its hard to believe that it's out there. In fact this week alone, I had two friends tell me how happy they were for me and my FI b/c they knew so few good people in good relationships!
(Plus, I'm INCREDIBLY picky, and I don't think anyone else would have made the cut!!)
i agree that statistics can be used to manipulate people (i am both a statistic and iiving proof that statistics can be overcome ;)), and they are only a small window into the factors that cause or influence certain social circumstances. but i think there is probably some truth to them. i heard a frightening, and similar statistic a few years ago that probably contributes to the low rates of AA women being married. something like twice as many AA women graduate from college as AA men.... and i know it's a big generalization, but for some people, having a similar education level or background is important to them and makes people more compatible. which means the pool of equally eligible AA males is wayyyy smaller for eligible AA females. it's a truly sad state of affairs, but i've witnessed it happen.
also, there's been a HUGE shift in family makeup and attitudes about marriage over generations in the AA community. i think single motherhood has become far more acceptable (of which i am a product), and generally speaking, i think in larger, more urban areas, women tend to be much more career/education oriented and therefore tend to marry and start families later.
I totally agree that if we wholeheartedly believed every statistic that was released about us, we probably wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. Life is what you make it, numbers do not have any affect on your personal relationship. When I read things like this I don't even let the negativity enter my thoughts because I know I am going to get what I give in the universe, regardless of the stats. I am a over 30 AA female and I am currently engaged to a wonderful, caring, strong, God-fearing AA male. I am so happy we have found each other and we are together regardless of the "stats". I say that you can do anything if you believe in yourself, start a business, start a family and yes ladies....even have a successful relationship:)
@Ms Snuggie....you are right..statistics can be manipulated/used in some not so good ways. As to the question of why now...when my FI and I discussed it, we kind of felt it had to do with the other statistic that over half (can't remember the exact percentage) of AA children are born our of wedlock and the number of AA men being incarcerated or are incarcerated. It was puzzling to us though b/c we both personally know men and women who are wildly successful, never been married, no kids...but can't seem to find and maintain a satisfying relationship. So that led both of us to believe that there is some kind of disconnect between AA men and women that wasn't there previously.
@DG....you made a good point as far as AA women dating outside of our race and having mixed feelings about it. For whatever reason, there is a different reaction when AA women date outside of our race as compared to when AA men do it....even from AA men who ONLY date outside of their race. I think the feeling that AA women should ONLT date AA men is keeping a lot of good "sistas" from fulfilling relationships.
@Golden...I say it like this...fine is fine...no matter the color =)
@Curly...I agree that the numbers would be a lot less if cohabitation was taken into account. I know couples who have lived together for years and never been married.
@JamaicaBride: I wonder if there is a disconnect or rather that in the past it was not acceptable to date out of one's ethnic background, whereas now for AA men (not women though!) it is.
Interesting sidenote, I briefly had a profile on Match.com. It was amazing how few AA men looked at my profile in comparison to the Caucasian men who did. I was CONSTANTLY getting contact from Caucasian men, but not AA men (and they ARE on Match). I was (and still am) generally perplexed by that because I would have naturally thought that AA men would be the ones primarily interested in me. Who knew?
I just wanted to add a different perspective on this issue. I see articles like this all the time about African Americans, and they are so often treated as Black problems, that there must be something wrong with Black people, and aren't they tragic, blah blah blah.
Its BS.
To the extent this statistic is true, I would bet a whole ton of money that controlling for the overall national decline in marriage AND lower incomes on average among African American men, this isn't a Black problem, this is just a people problem.
Consider that, on a whole, 1) all marriage rates have gone down, 2) men tend to marry only after they have good jobs, 3) men tend to not marry women with more education than themselves, and 4) economic instability is the leading cause of all divorces. These trends hold true across all groups.
Now, also consider that, on a whole, 1) fewer Black men have good jobs than White men, 2) more Black women get higher educations than Black men, and 3) fewer Black families are stable in the middle class.
Okay, I am getting kind of soapboxy, and this isn't aimed at any of you. But hear me out a little longer.
Basically, this statistic DOES NOT mean there is anything wrong with African Americans, no matter how news articles present it. But it is so much easier to ask "deep questions" about the culture than say, "hey, maybe if we didn't send so many Black men to jail for simple drug possession and other non-violent stuff, they'd get married." Or, "hey, instead of wringing our hands about the bad morals in rap music, lets get some jobs and better schools." Or "hey, instead of tisk-tisking mothers raising kids alone, why don't we start showing a care about the working class?" And you know what? Not sending people to jail over dumb stuff, investing in schools, and supporting the working class works for everyone! Majic!
Phew. Sorry about that.
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"Forty-two-percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white woman, according to national statistics. That’s double, chicks! Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. That’s pretty sad. And if they wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States. So what the hell is going on?"
This excerpt was taken from an article posted online here: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-black-women-have-higher-chance-of-remaining-unmarried/
My FI and I have talked about these statistics a few times during our relationship. He says that he doesn't understand why a lot of the guys he knows complain about not being able to find a good woman, when statistics show there is a plethora of women out there single...for whatever reason.
Question: Did any of the AA brides worry about this statistic in regards to finding a man for themselves??