Post # 1
I need advice on gifting for a freind’s wedding. Here’s the situation:
My friend is having a destination wedding and I was only notified of this a few months before the wedding date. That is fine, I suppose, but considering I only have a limited number of vacation days per year and she is one of my best friends, I had to cancel on my dear uncle whose son was getting married in another country (not destination) and who loves me to death. However, that is a choice that I made. I wish I had known earlier so I could manage my vacation days to allow both – oh well.
I got a call from the bride saying that she got me a deal on the package for only $1500! Which she said was an amazing deal! Alright, fine. I know weddings cost money so I’ll go ahead. Multiply by two since I wil be attending with my S/O. I am a bridesmaid for the wedding and was asked to get a dress (any dress, one that I like) in yellow. I had something I could use, so I was happy about that. I just got a call that the bride changed her mind to a pink dress just weeks before the wedding. Again, I can get whatever kind of dress I looove so that’s a great deal for me, right(?). Also bridal shower is on the way soon. All this from a bride who is not spending a dme on her own wedding dress and just borrowing someone’s dress. I know for a fact that the dinner will be a very low cost affair on her end because she is very thrifty (nothing wrong with that).
I am in my early twenties and just graguated school with huge debts recently. I have been working for around 6 months. Her and her fiance are well established financially.
Now the kicker is that I got an e-vite (why spend money on actual cards?) stating blatanly “No Boxed Gifts” right on the invite! I was thinking that after having spent so much on the bridemaid dress, the package, the shower, I could gift her something from my ‘reserve gift stash’. Basically I buy gorgeous 14kt real gold jewelry when I have some money and find a good deal and put it away as a gift when I need to give one. I was planning on giving her a Zales necklace, earrings and ring set in 14K gold.
Am I fair to be *very* annoyed right now? I suppose I could sell the jewelry and give her cash for whatever I get for it. Really strapped for cash otherwise with all this piling up!
Post # 3
Yes, I would be annoyed too. I also wouldnt have bought a second dress just because she changed her mind.
I think by “boxed gifts” they mean big huge gifts that would be difficult to pack and take home with them on the plane. A jewlery set is small (and also a very nice gift), so I think its fine.
Post # 4
I would be annoyed also. I think it’s very rude to basically ask for money on the invite. However, are you talking about the jewelry for a wedding gift? Jewelry is not really appropriate as a wedding gift because it should be something for the couple.
Post # 5
You totally have the right to be annoyed but try not to let it get to you. She probably doesn’t realize that this is posing a problem for you. I would just give her the jewely and not stress about it. It’s not like you’re expecting her to carry a crock-pot in her luggage. I think jewlery is actually perfect because it’s small. If she says anything about it, explain the situation and, if she’s a good friend, I’m sure she’ll understand.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice. The thing is that in our culture (I will not mention which), the “No Boxed Gifts” is written to ask for cash only. Everyone knows it. Aslo, there is an unstated assumption for the guests to finance the wedding. Most of the time the guests are happy to pay for their plate, however I think asking that on a destination wedding where the gusts have already foked out over $1500 is unbelievable. If she had the wedding locally I’d be happy to gift $500. This is just costing too much.
Post # 7
Wow…You’re a great friend! I would save your gold and get creative. Give her something you can make, maybe make a mr & mrs sign for her wedding and home later. Look around on the DIY boards, even if she’s hoping for cash she can’t be upset if you give her something she can use for the wedding. I seriously don’t want you to spend anymore money, I will send you the supplies or make it for you myself!
Post # 8
I think it is very rude to put on the invite “no boxed gifts.” Coming from the brides point of view (since I’m a destination wedding bride too) you could have told her that you already had something planned and that it is expensive and you just can’t afford to attend/be in th wedding. I know I understand that a destination wedding is a lot to ask of people and I’m sure if she is a good friend that she would/SHOULD understand that!