(Closed) Abandonment at wedding (should I run?)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Talk about awkward!! I think you really need to try and have a serious talk with your Boyfriend or Best Friend about feeling abandoned, and why the hell isn’t he staying with YOU on the wedding night?! Fair enough him staying with the boys without you for a few nights before, but the night of the wedding, as you said, his duties are done.

Post # 4
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yeah. eff that noise.  you say he’s been acting distant?  and that his sister seems to be aware of this?  and why would he be ok with not sleeping with you the night of the wedding.  something smells fishy….

Post # 5
368 posts
Helper bee

(I posted this on the other thread but I wanted to make sure you see it)

I am really sorry he is treating you this way. It sounds like he just doesn’t want you around his friends, this basement place, and his family. Is there a reason he is being distant? How was your relationship before this wedding? You really need to talk to him and figure out what on earth is going on. This just seems so abnormal for such a long term relationship. Maybe he is just wrapped up in being back home or something. I just don’t undestand why he needs to be in this basement by himself partying. Also, can you get a hotel room now? I would just go be in hotel by myself than be with his mother right now.

Post # 6
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

Yikes. How awkward. I’d most probably just leave. Not even wait till the wedding’s over. 

Post # 7
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

1. The sister and the mom aren’t being shady. To me, it sounds like they hasn’t planned to have an “extra girl” around, and rather than manage your activities and whereabouts they’re leaving it up to you. They have more things to worry about than making you feel excluded or unwanted. Honestly, I can’t blame them, and if I were in your position I wouldn’t have been expected to be invited to the spa day, or to be included in the preparation, because you’re a guest. You aren’t in the wedding party, you aren’t a relative, and if they have everything planned and taken care of it can actually be more work to add another person to the mix.

2. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there. He wants to hang out in a basement with his friends and drink beer. He would have booked a hotel room for the two of you if he wanted to spend the trip with you. I’m assuming that he knew about the hotel arrangements that his mom had made. He shouldn’t have invited you on the trip of he was going to ignore you.

3. This might be a symptom of more issues in your relationship, so of you’re going to leave him be honest about the reasons – this just couldn’t be a stand-alone occurence. Great guys don’t all of the sudden switch gears and act like this.

Post # 9
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

In your shoes, I’d book a flight home now.  Why’d he ask you to go if he didn’t actually want to spend time with you?

Post # 10
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Reading this I want to cry!  How frustrating and akward.  Why the hell did he tell you to come?  and Why the hell doesnt he want you around and why doesnt he want to spend time with you?  I would not stick around, I would be heading home.  Or booking my own hotel close to the airport, just dissapear, see if he even notices your gone.  How sad…. What is wrong with your boyfriend????  Please keep us updated…… but if I were you I would get out now!

Post # 11
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’d tell him “I’m leaving, I feel very unwelcome and uncomfortable here. Please wish your family well for me and we can talk about this when you get back.”

That just sucks. I know sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle of wedding hooplah, that’s to be expected but this is ridiculous.

Post # 13
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel like a big part of this is your SO’s lack of social skills. He is being pulled in a lot of directions and has alot of social obligations at this wedding, he doesn’t know how to properly balance and handle them all. So he is doing what he wants and leaving you to fend for yourself. The problem is, that since you are trying to be polite but don’t know the family well, it’s hard to invite yourself along and be part of the girl’s group. (he should have made sure to set thisup for you).

His mom may not want you at the spa, simce she already booked for so many people and this may also be her way of thinking that the SO should have found a place for you.

I would urge you to stay put, as painful as it maybe, after the wedding. If you leave early, it will   seem like you are upset the attention isnt on you. You will never be able to properly explain to his family why you feel slighted/abandoned without sounding like a diva (though you are in the right here, these sort of nebulous emotionally charged issues are hard to explain)! so his family will blame you.

As far as being a guest who is also a worker, take comfort in this! At most friend’s weddings, guests are just guests. At family weddings, the close family is almost always put to work – the fact you are a worker bee here is only a good sign!

Post # 14
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

I’m sorry. I wouldn’t stay. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend is acting in an immature manner with little consideration for you. Go home. You have nothing to gain in staying. 

Best of luck.

Post # 15
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You mention you don’t see his family often. Reading your post, it sounds like you’re coming at this from the position of his family not knowing you well and your guy acting shady. It might simply be insight into the way he behaves around them. Sounds like he’s a good time guy along for fun with the guys in the bridal party. Him not letting you know you had to book a room because he didn’t have his own… could be that he lets his mom do everything for him and shrugs off all responsibility. 

Post # 16
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I would pack my stuff while these women are at “spa-day” and get a taxi to the airport, never to look back.  There is no way I’d stick around and deal with this.  I cannot believe they didn’t let you come to their salon events, but they’re expecting you to do wedding stuff.  I mean, I know that you’re not in the wedding party, but come on!  You’re sitting alone in a hotel for God’s sake!  That’s outright bitchery. 

… And sharing a room with his mom, whom you barely know?!  Wtf is that?! 

My Fiance would be with ME in a hotel room.  Not staying in a basement.  Not making me sleep with his mother, awkwardly. 

Yes, you probably should not waste anymore of your time in this relationship.  Clearly, your bf does not take it seriously.

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