- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’m 18 days away from the wedding now. Everything has kicked into overdrive. I’m in school full time and as I posted last week, I’m now unemployed. My work really screwed me over insurance wise and they were terrible people so I walked out. They know of my undiagnosed medical condition and knew of it for a while since it all started and knew that I was just starting the see a neurologist to figure out what was going on but the manager didn’t put my paperwork in on time so I lost my insurance. They also refused to give me a break during my shifts and the one time I really needed it, one manager went home after agreeing to let me take a break and the other manager flipped out on me about my “unreliable” behavior, even though I only asked a 10 minute break for an 8 hour shift.
So anyways, last week I had an EEG done since I’d started having severe seizures a year and a half ago. I finally had insurance to get the tests done so I got the EEG. The day before my insurance ran out. I didn’t get the results back because my neuro wasn’t in the office. So yesterday morning I was awoken to a phone call from the receptionist at the neuro office. She said my EEG came back abnormal and I need to see the neuro as soon as I can. Well big problem there, I don’t have insurance any more and don’t have a job now and likely wont until after the wedding (I wont be able to get a job and immediately take off all the days needed for the wedding and the honeymoon that was paid by FIs parents). My FI makes enough to take care of our small family bill and food wise but he’s just starting out in his carreer (he just finished school) and he’s strapped right now, so the extra $350 to see the neurologist isn’t possible atm, not if we want to have gas and such. Not until this wedding is done at least.
So no doctors until after our honeymoon, which happens to be a cruise. And for someone with seizures, swimming can be scary. I don’t want this to impact my fun on the cruise but it seems like everything to do on the cruise could be dangerous if I had a seizure. These seizures SUCK! I had my second major seizure a week after being proposed to, so when people saw my go into a depression they thought it was from the engagement, I was so happy when he proposed and for the week leading up to the seizure. Then I had the seizure and spent a few months in a deep depression. Why does it seem to be trying to mess up my engagement? Thankfully my fiance has been incredible through it all.
I don’t know the reasoning behind posting this, I just guess I need to vent. My fiance hears about my frustration with this all the time so I’m trying not to be a downer any more, I don’t want him to worry about me so I try not to bring it up anymore. He didn’t ask me not to, I just saw how it made him feel. When I would take a shower, if I dropped the shampoo he was running into the bathroom to check on me. I don’t want him living in fear so I tell him about the doctors but try not to tell him about the minor things.
Now I’m concerned about the cruise. About the wedidng. I don’t want to have another. I thought they were just individual circumstances but after hearing the EEG was abnormal, it seems that it will continue to happen until I’m on medication, something I can’t get until at least May.
If only I knew someone with epilepsy I could ask all the questions I have. But I don’t have any friends any more. I have people I still talk to on facebook that I knew long ago but with the depression from the seizures I lost contact with anyone I did know and dont know how to go about meeting new friends. I just started to become friends with a girl from my class but I’m not going to be the “downer friend” who is always complaining about something, so I don’t bring this up with her.
I’m just a mess and there is so much to do. I have all this wedding planning to do so close to the wedding and I have 7 quizzes and a midterm due in 2 days and this seizure business is all I can think about. I feel like my body is against me. I just want to feel normal again!