About to end an 8 year friendship with my BFF. Need some perspective and advice.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow G reminds me of a Regina George type girl. Very controlling and manipulative, very mean girls. She obviously prioritizes her friendship with A, honestly my guess is they probably resent you for something, maybe they are jealous of your cool new life or just super selfish. G dsnt care about anyone but herself and has A to always rely on and fall Back on so she dsnt need to make your relationship a priority any more when it’s not convient for her. I know it’s super hard and hurtful but I would stop reaching ouT. I don’t think you have to totally wrote these girls out of your life but stop being the one to reach out and make the effort, what is meant to be after that will naturally progress. Hugs! 

Post # 4
Member
6747 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Go make some new friends because these two suck.

Post # 6
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wish we lived closer, because I could use new friends too! Haha.

I’ve cut down my friend list tremendously in recent times, and also appear to be drifting apart from my oldest friend.

I’ve just realised that life is too short to concern yourself with people who either don’t support you, only come to you when they need something, or only think of themselves.

Don’t hesitate to drop people that cause you grief. You and your FI have a whole new life ahead of you, and make sure the people who are part of that life deserve to be in it!

Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I think you’re doing the right thing. Constantly bailing on a ‘friend’ is not cool. Truthfully, I would have stopped contact with them after you changed the date of your party and they failed to show up. You’re young still; you have plenty of opportunity to make new friends in your new city who won’t resent you for being you! Good luck! It’s not easy, but you’re doing the right thing. 

Post # 8
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

ChicoryCreek:  I think you should end the friendship. A few years ago, I had to end an 8 year friendship. It’s not easy to do & even now sometimes I catch myself missing my friend & wishing we could be friends again but I remember all the HELL she put me through first & I’m glad I stopped talking to her. These are not the kinds of friends you want. It’s hard to end such a long friendship but it’s like my fiance told me just because you guys have been friends for a long time doesn’t mean you should still be friends now, people change.

Post # 9
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Come on, once they couldn’t manage to make it to your 21st birthday at 9 it was over then. I am a total wet blanket and have occasional social anxiety, but even I would have managed to go out for an hour or 2. Just stop contacting them. They aren’t interestd in being friends, because they aren’t putting out any effort.

Post # 10
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Sometimes you need to let go of those that are a negative influence on your life (stressful, demeaning, etc). I did that to my “best friend” of 11 years, because she was so negative and I realized it was a very one sided relationship. Yes, you had good times, but now it’s time to let go and reach out to those that WANT to be part of your life. Cut contact with them. If they want to be friends they will make the effort. 

Post # 11
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

End the friendship, and I am using that term loosely. They don’t sound like people who care about you or care enough to maintain a healthy friendship. Find friends who are willing to put in as much effort as you do

Post # 12
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ChicoryCreek:  Sorry but the truth is they’re not interested in travelling to see you, for whatever reason.

I wouldn’t dump them completely. If you’re back in your old city and you’re free, I don’t see the harm in catching up. But they’ve obviously got no interest in visiting you, so there’s no point pushing them.

Post # 13
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Although I understand that you may have been friends with them for a long time, I would say time to cut the strings on this relationship. You have been MORE than accomadating by changing plans, moving dates, calling, etc etc, which is definitely more than I would have done. It sounds like G is someone that always gets her way and is very self-centered. I would maybe keep in contact with A, but not with G.

Post # 14
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

As someone who has had a friend terminate a friendship for no reason, and have done nothing wrong to them, I usually try to see both sides of the story in situations like this. HOWEVER, what these girls are doing is not right, and how I was generally treated before the friend called it quits with me. No matter how you look at it, your friendship with G and A is no longer healthy, and it sounds like if you don’t call it quits first, they most definitely will. You are obviously not their priority anymore… Not even in the slightest from the sounds of it. There’s a saying, and it’s 100% true. No matter how busy someone is, if they care about you, they will make time for you. I live an insanely busy life lately, and I make time for those who matter to me. Clearly your “overreacting” is just a way of expressing how much you still care about the friendships, and how little they do. Best of luck and cyber hugs! <3 EDIT: I meant to also say to make sure you tell them tactfully why you are ending the friendship, because if you don’t explain it nicely or not at all (make sure you approach it without any malice) you may end up looking like the bad guy in this scenario.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  UisceAlainn.
Post # 15
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d probably be more understanding of these women if their excuses weren’t so lame. They’ll be too tired to drive an hour and a half after having a beach day? They’ll be too tired to drive at 6pm? It’s an hour and a half. They clearly aren’t making an effort.

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