Post # 1
My fiance crossed the line. At least I think he did and I feel as if he did.
We are discussing wedding budget and since my family is pretty much broke they can’t offer any funds towards the wedding. My mom is the type of mom who gave us everything we wanted growing up because she didn’t have anything. She has made some bad financial decisions and now they are paying for it. (No pun intended).
She wants to give us money towards the wedding mainly putting things on credit cards or giving us what cash they have and putting everything else on credit (such as their bills, food etc…)
Of course I would NEVER let that happen. I would rather them not contribute as opposed to going into more debt.
That being said, as my fiance and I were talking about wedding budget we got into a heated discussion because I feel as if I can wait a year to wed rather than rush and not have the day I have imagined. I would rather save. My finance would rather skimp on things (he suggested having a pot luck…) and get married sooner.
What made me upset is that he had the nerve to say that my family wasted my “inheritance” whatever that means. Basically stating that my family wasted their money and now they can’t pay for the wedding.
Ive never wanted them to. I have never expected them to pay thousands of dollars for one day. They have already given me enough in my life. It makes me so upset that he would be so quick to judge and blame them for me not being able to have the day I “want”.
Im hurt and the crazy thing is is that his family wont be paying for their traditional portion: rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.
I just dont get it. Thanks Hive for letting me vent.
Post # 3
I’m angry for you!! What a jerk thing to say! The reality is that neither family can pay for anything, so you have to pay for it yourself. Blaming your family for not having money?? WTH?
Post # 4
Just keep in mind.. sometimes wedding planning can be so stressful.. Ive heard many already married couples say that they got in the worst of fights and said super mean things they didnt truly mean.
sorry you have to go through this.
Post # 5
Wow. Last I checked, kids aren’t “entitled” to an inheritance. Does your Fiance come from money? I could see how he could get that impression although it’s totally wrong!!!! Even if your family mad some bad financial decisions (who hasn’t?!) it’s not his place to judge. Just accept and move on.
Did you tell your Fiance that you don’t expect or want money from them? Shoot, he definitely shouldn’t be all pissy about the “traditional” roles brides parents play if his aren’t doing that. Definitely the pot calling the kettle black.
Is this unlike him? Maybe he just flipped out….terribly rudely IMO.
PS i’d wait to have the wedding, too. What’s another year, right?
Post # 6
I am sorry that you are going through this. That was really out of order for him to say.
Post # 7
I can see how he can be upset, but that is out of line. These days, a lot of couples pay for the wedding themselves. I think since the situation is pretty set in stone (i.e. neither family’s paying), there is really no point in discussing who wasted what. Ask him to stop judging your family’s past financial decisions since it won’t change anything and judging people is silly in general…and start having some productive conversations about how much you’ll be spending and when you’ll be getting married. Good luck!
Post # 8
Yikes! That was a definite jerk comment. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was caught up in the heat of the moment and is just so eager to be your husband that the thought of having to wait another year makes him say stupid things. Okay, so maybe that STILL doesn’t justify, I tried. I would try to cool off and then talk to him when you’re not in the heat of the battle. I would start by telling him how that comment made you feel and why it made you feel that way. Then explain your vision for the wedding and how it was never your intention to have your family pay for anything. Maybe you both need to outline your visions for your big day and see if you can come to some type of common ground. Good luck!
Post # 9
Thanks for letting me vent and being so encouraging.
@GirlWithARing: I think that would be very beneficial to us. Focusing on what we do have and what we can spend rather than who is paying for what. Why is money such a touchy subject?? It shouldn’t be.
@ejs4y8: He knows that I dont expect money from anyone. I have always been independent and would never expect anything. It is rare for him to be so judgmental towards my family. He never has been before even though I have said a few negative things about my fam. He wants to get married ASAP because we are not having premarital sex…I know, I know. Its old fashioned and both of us have been in prior relationships where we have but we decided not to for our relationship. So as you can imagine he is ready.
I think we just need to take a step back and regroup. The wedding isn’t everything and we need to focus on the real reason for having a wedding.
Post # 10
Ouch…that’s definitely not something nice he said. Try to take a deep breath and realize that he said it in the heat of argument. I think you both need to take a step back, walk away, and come back when you’re both calmer. YES you have a right to be upset about what he said, but he might not have meant it in the way it came out.
I hope you guys can talk through this and hopefully he’ll realize what he said was just plain wrong, wrong, wrong…
Post # 11
Hmm sounds to me like he’s just pissed his expectation of having a wedding earlier got shattered so he’s lashing out by hurting you. It’s not nice, but it’s something we all do occassionally. And I can totally understand wanting to get married sooner so you can have sex (most of my V-card holding friends have a very short engagement!) but compromising a pot-luck type wedding (if it’s not what you want) for sex just won’t sit well with you later. I promise. After it’s all said and done and consummated, you don’t want to wish you’d waited just a teensy bit longer to have the wedding you wanted to have.
Is there a way to have both? Bump up the wedding a little bit but at the same time go with more of the wedding vision you want?