(Closed) Absent Dad…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I wonder if we have the same father? Mine did not show up for my wedding; didn’t even mail back the RSVP card, which was self addressed and stamped. I wasn’t worth his time to walk to the mailbox. 

The best thing you can do is have no expectations of him, so that you can never be disappointed. I don’t know about you, but for me it was the worst thing ever to give up hope, because I believe that all people are inherently good and want to do right by others. But I’ve also come to understand that no amount of effort on my part is ever going to interfere with someone else’s free will. 

He (my father or yours, take your pick) makes active choices every single day, and every single day, he chooses to keep his daughter out of his life. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but the sooner you do, the easier it will be. There may have been “false starts” in the past that give you hope he may change, but always be wary, and do not alter your life to accommodate him. Make him earn that spot in your life. 

Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re in the same boat.  Well, sort of – my dad sent me a Facebook friend request about 18 months ago, so I guess he hasn’t been totally absent. *rolls eyes*

But IMO you should only let him come around if it’s something that you truly want deep down.  If saying no is something you think you’ll regret in a few years, then maybe it’s worth it to see where this goes.  However, knowing that it’s just as likely that he’ll let you down again, nobody could fault you for choosing to protect yourself and keeping your distance.  Don’t let any feelings of guilt or obligation you may feel steer you into forcing a relationship if you don’t want it.

Remember, you can always revisit this after your baby is born.  You don’t have to make a decision right now.

Also – @StuporDuck:  He (my father or yours, take your pick) makes active choices every single day, and every single day, he chooses to keep his daughter out of his life. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but the sooner you do, the easier it will be. There may have been “false starts” in the past that give you hope he may change, but always be wary, and do not alter your life to accommodate him. Make him earn that spot in your life.

+1

The topic ‘Absent Dad…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors