Post # 1
Oh where do I begin with this without making it a novel? Let me just first state that I will try my best to give a short version of my family.
Ok so it begins when my real father walked out on me when I was 10 years old so he could please his wife, she always thought him having kids was a burden in their relationship. My father moved to Indiana from Illinois where I grew up for a job transfer. I was okay with that since I planned on visiting him every summer and every other holiday….but come to find out when I went out for my summer stay he and his wife were always “to busy” for me and because of this I stayed with my grandmother (dads parents) for a little less then 2 weeks. While staying at my grandma’s house my dad came over to talk to me and while there he told me and I quote “you need to learn more respect for my wife and not always want to spend time with me” then he walked out without saying “I love you, see you soon, we will work it out”…nothing at all . Really? come on I am TEN years old who lives 4 hrs away from her dad that she only gets to see in the summer and for a week at every other holiday that clearly isn’t enough to a child in my opinion. Once that happened I cried and cried until there were no more tears to cry then called my mother to come get me since I wasn’t welcome at my dad’s house. Over the years I have tried to contact my dad and everytime I would get his wife and have to leave a message with her which I am pretty sure she never passed on or he just never cared to call me back. I would send birthday cards, christmas cards, father’s day cards, thinking of you cards every type of card that I could think of I would send but gave up after getting EVERY single card forwarded back to me. So once that happened I decided ok I guess my father really just wants to forget about his ONLY daughter and at that moment I stopped sending cards and calling him. In 2008 I had tried to call him (it had been 12 yrs since I talked to my dad at this point) to see if maybe I could talk to him and get some questions answered about why he walked out on me and why he chose his wife over me etc etc. Well after trying for 6 months of tracking him down I finally heard his voice….I cried and cried because it had been so long since I heard his voice and I had so many emotions running thru me that I just couldn’t help it. Well after literally talking for only 7 minutes he told me that he had to go and he would call me back. Here we are 2010 and still waiting on that phone call from him….to be honest I have came to the reality that my father will prolly never call me back and that I am better off without having to worry about him.
Now that I am getting married I feel a little upset that I don’t have my dad to walk me down the aisle BUT I am ok with it because I would never ever let him have the privilege on walking me down the aisle after all those years of not answering my letters, cards, phone calls etc. My futer Father-In-Law treats me like a daughter and we get along great so I am thinking of asking him walk me down but I think I am leaning more towards walking alone….
Well ok sorry it is so longggg but I am sorry I just had to get this out there to see if I am alone in this situation or there are other brides in the same situation like me.
Post # 3
sending you hugs because no child should have her heart trampled like that – it was cruel and very wrong what your dad and his wife did you to
if you choose your Father-In-Law or no one – remind yourself you wont be “walking alone” because there will be a room full of people that love and support you
Post # 4
I’m so sorry that happened to you 🙁
I will say that I walked halfway down the aisle with family and then the rest of the way by myself. The walk by myself was SO SO empowering. Everyone commented about the intensity and beauty of the moment. It made me wish I had done the whole thing by myself in some ways!
Regardless, I hope your heart is healing for what your father did… He must have some really deep seated issues to have done that to you.
Post # 5
Wow…I’m sorry…My “real” dad did me the same way…I was about the same age when he told me he would be taking me home because I did not respect his wife enough to meet her at the door and talk to her everyday…I was a shy kid..neither one of them ever did anything to make me feel comfortable when I stayed with them…it was so lonely most times…I do not blame her..her and my dad are divorced and she calls and checks up on me and my son all the time…but I know my dad made the choice ot act the way he did then and how he does now…..on my wedding day my Mother or my grandfather will be walking me down because like you I feel that my dad will never have that privilege to walk his oldest daughter down the aisle….
Post # 6
Definite hugs! My father was also absentee & I haven’t had any contact with him for about 7 years (and very little in the 21 years before that). My first choice for walking me down the aisle was my mother–but she will be officiating instead. My great-uncle, who has done a lot for me was going to walk me down the aisle, but b/c of recent hip surgery, he may not be physically able to.
So….it looks like I might be walking myself as well. I don’t have a problem with that. I feel the lack of father/daughter dance will be more awkward, esp since my Fiance will be dancing with his mother. Cest la vie!
Definitely no problem in walking yourself down the aisle! If you have someone else in your life that has played that “father” role for you–even if it’s your mother!–I think you should feel free to ask them. I am sure that they will feel flattered to play such a significant role in your special day!
Post # 7
I’m sorry about how your dad treated you during your lifetime; we can pick our friends but not our relatives, unfortunately! You gave it more than many would have bothered doing, and I’m glad that you’ve decided to move on in acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with walking yourself down the aisle 🙂 With that said, my dad passed away several years ago and my sister is having her best friend walk her down the aisle at her wedding this fall. It’s your wedding, and you can personalize it however you want to. Congratulations and best wishes to you and your FH.
Post # 8
My parents had been together for ten years and then a few months after I was born, he left me and my mom. He didn’t want children and found me to be a burden so I totally know how you feel.
I actually wanted to walk down the aisle by myself but my mother had a fit and told me that someone had to walk me down the aisle so she took it upon herself to ask my godfather if he would walk me down and of course he said yes.
It makes me sad that my own father never loved me and that he’s not going to be there to walk me down the aisle or have a father-daughter dance (I REFUSE to do a godfather-daughter dance b/c I think it’s awkward and I am very sensitive about the fact that I don’t have a father)
I thought that I was the only one who felt this way and in this situation.
Post # 9
wow im so sorry you have to go through this with your dad. My dad passed away when I was 3, I dont remember him at all but wish I did, and I always envy other people that have dads and always tell them how lucky they are. I cant believe your dad forwarded back all the cards and never returned your call, I would never be able to sleep at night if I did that to my children. Can you have your mother walk you down the aisle, my mother raised me since my dad passed and I couldnt think of anyone else to give me away.
Post # 10
I completely understand here, and I’m really sorry you had to go through all that. I also have an absent father, with some pretty deep-seated issues, and I’ve had a really difficult time planning my wedding (especially reception) with all of that hanging over my head. Like many of the posters here, I am really sensitive about the fact that I don’t have a dad to do any of these traditional things with me. I grew up with my mom and older brother, so they will be walking me down the aisle, which is really exciting for me and feels totally natural. But I am absolutely dreading the reception, where I won’t have a father/daughter dance, and feel like it’s just fake or glazing over the issue to dance with someone else, or have some kind of a replacement “event.” Phew.
Suffice it to say that I’m sorry you’ve all gone through this type of situation too, but I’m glad I’m not the only one. It seems like no one really gets how big a deal it is unless you’ve gone through it.