Post # 1
I recently got married to a wonderful man. No one on his side of the family was able to attend our wedding for some reason or the other. His Mother is overseas and we knew she would not be able to make it.
I was very upset when his family members informed him that they wouldn’t make it. I come from a very loving and supportive family so I’m not use to such behavior. I tried my best to not be upset and accept the fact that his family is not very supportive.
Yesterday my husband comes home very upset. His Mom called him and basically curses him and tells him he will not be a blessed person because he doesn’t call her. Mind you, my husband sends her money once or twice a month. She never called or sent a card for our wedding. I’m pissed that she is so selfish and bringing negativity into his life. It is a very tough place to be. He is obligated to help out him mother, at the same time she has no right to verbally abuse and disrespect my husband. Another note to add is that she still interacts with the mother if his child. BM is no longer overseas.
Will I be wrong to call her myself to find out what is going on with her?
Post # 3
It sounds like she just might be feeling left out of his life. Try to put yourself in her shoes, her son got married, she wasn’t able to attend the wedding and she feels like she doesn’t get to talk to him much. I think it’s great if you want to call her, she would probably really appreciate that, however, I wouldn’t call to ‘find out what is going on with her’. I’d just call to chat and check in with her and update her on your and your husbands life.
Post # 4
I don’t think it would be ‘wrong’ for you to call his mother, but do you think it would really be for the better?
Whenever SO has an issue with his parents, I tend to let him deal with it. Its not that I don’t care, but it is between them and I don’t want to cause any more conflict. Just be supportive to him.
ETA: I agree with PP, a phone call just to ‘catch up’ would probably be better!
Post # 5
When my husband’s mother screams at him on the phone, he tells her she can’t talk to him that way and he’ll call her back later in the week when she’s had time to cool down. She’s an adult and can tell him that she feels left out without pitching a fit.
Post # 6
Thank you all for the advice. I think I will wait until he feels better before initiating any type of interaction with her.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t get involved. If you are calling to confront her, do you really think that will have any positive outcome? Their relationship dynamic has been formed long before you were in the picture. I’d stay out of it. However, a call to check up would be fine.
Post # 8
@bklynbridetobe: Agree. This is your husband’s battle to fight if he chooses. If you intend to confront your MIL you’re asking for trouble. Even though he’s your spouse, it’s really none of your business. Hard as it is to stay out of it, it is what’s best.
If you want to check in, have a friendly conversation without confrontation, then by all means go for it!