(Closed) abstinance

posted 8 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
3587 posts
Sugar bee

May I ask how old your daughter is?

Post # 4
875 posts
Busy bee

Welcome to Weddingbee…

I don’t know how everyone will respond, but I get it!  I also know that not everyone understands the respect and pride you feel in the decisions your daughter has made… but I for one respect them.  I’m sure that she is a young woman who knows that she has a intrinsic value that is not related to her physical nature, but is a gift of her Creator.  Hope your family enjoys a beautiful wedding celebration! 

Post # 5
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I personally did not wait and am GLAD I didn’t wait (I think that if there is a god, it won’t punish me for my personal choices), but I can also see it from your angle. Your daughter has some super self-control, for sure.

Post # 6
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I didn’t wait, but a lot of my married friends did. Honestly I had a few that had the opinion, “why did I wait?” and “that was it?” lol but I would say just as many were proud of themselves too.

Post # 7
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I know everyone has different opinions on this subject, and that’s ok! But my Fiance and I chose to wait too, and we are getting married in 6 months.  I have kept a journal for whoever I would marry since I was 13, and have a purity ring too.  I also am planning on giving both to my Fiance on our honeymoon. 

While my choices aren’t for everyone, and I respect that, I’m really glad my Fiance and I are waiting.  Sure, it might be awkward, and it might take some getting used to, but it’s nice to know that he’s never been with anyone else, and that I’ll never compare him in my mind with anyone else.  Plus, it’s nice to know that we made a commitment and have actually stuck to it, just like we’ll have to with our marriage.

Congrats to your daughter!! 🙂

Post # 8
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im glad she was able to stay disciplined!  Im sure her focus and committment has spread to other areas in her life.

May I ask how old she is now that she is getting married?

Post # 9
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I know two girls who waited and I have to say, they were really annoying about it. They were both pretty preachy about it and one was an ‘everything but’ girl who only got married so she could have sex…and told us all she was going to leave the wedding right after so they could finally do ‘it.’ She complained a lot, talked about almost nothing else and was completely obsessed. She was pretty much waiting for us to say, “then why don’t you just do it already?” At which point, she’d put on her virtuous face and say, “Oh no! I couldn’t! Don’t you know I’m Baha’i?” Really, very annoying. 

I say, of course it’s a personal decision and it’s completely up to each person. However, one way or another, no one’s decision is ‘better’ than anyone else’s and being condescending about it is a good way to alienate people (as the bride I mentioned above did. None of us ended up going to her wedding and we were all friends in college.) If you wait, don’t brag about it or act like you’re better than anyone. If you didn’t wait, don’t scoff at someone who did because it may be important to them. Personally I did not wait and never intended to. We each choose what is important to us and I’m glad your daughter is happy with her decision. Every bride (woman!) should be happy with her decisions, whether it’s having sex or who her mate is or what dress to wear.

Post # 11
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Errrr I guess I just don’t really understand the purpose of this post. I totally respect your daughter’s decision and I think she has a lot of courage to be able to do that. A few of my friends are also waiting and I think it’s wonderful.

I did not wait. I am happy that I did not and I don’t regret anything in my past. It brought me to where I am now! 🙂

That being said… I think most people on the boards have already made their decision regarding whether or not to wait, so I don’t really understand why you are saying things like “I know that so many of us did not wait.  But I also feel that if you want to start over and do future relationships differently you can.” and recommending books about waiting.

Sorry if I’m misinterpreting your post (and please tell me if I am!), it just kiiiiinda rubs me the wrong way!

Post # 12
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

In my personal OPINION, it’s depressing to think that the greatest gift a woman can give her future husband is her virginity – does she have nothing else as valuable to give him after that? kids? respect? lifelong companionship? None of that is as worth while as virginity? Oh, and, has he saved “himself” for her? Did he too wear a special ring?

Post # 13
3004 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I completely respect people who have the commitment to save themselves to wait until they get married. However I do get nervous that they get married for the wrong reasons (just so they can have sex).

I was born into a family who HEAVILY preached this on me. On my 16th birthday they bought me a purity ring. I didn’t really agree with the whole concept because I felt that it was my own choice, and I did not “choose” to have this purity ring given to me. Later I ended up losing my virginity to the man I’m about to marry and I couldn’t be happier. I’m glad I waited until I knew it was “right” and not until marriage. That said I did give my husband my virginity and I’m glad I didn’t sleep around.

Kudos to your daughter.

Post # 14
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@TinyTina:  I agree.  I don’t understand the purpose of this post.  I’m glad that your daughter made choices that were right for her.  Those choices are not right for everyone however.  The fact that your daughter waited until marriage does not make her “right”.  ther is no right or wrong, in this situation just like there is no right or wrong in wedding dresses, decor, food and the many other wedding related things discussed on these boards.

Also I find it offensive that you are implying that a woman who had sex before marriage is somehow “used”.  I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your sexuality, but frankly I have NEVER felt “used” after having sex with a man who is not my future hubby.  I mean, that’s implying that women are basically objects to be used by men for the man’s sexual pleasure and are not equal decision makers.  that’s just……sad and sick. 

Post # 15
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

I think the problem is you are preaching to the wrong choir. The ladies here are, for the most part, in very committed relationships and have already chose their sexual paths, whatever they may be.

The kind of speech you are giving is meant for those in the pre-teen stage, not mature women who are married/soon-to-be married.

Post # 16
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I think waiting is a beautiful thing, but this might not be the place to suggest reading material or suggestions for waiting. Most of the posters here are well past puberty and made their choice to wait or not to wait. 

I am sorry to say this, but it comes off as a preachy post. I am a religious girl myself, I agree with waiting, and I even see it that way, I’m sorry :/  Like you said “if somebody asks, what is she supposed to say?” the problem here is, frankly, nobody asked. 

I am sorry if that sounds snarky, but that may be why it is being received in the wrong way. Welcome to wedding bee though, and congratulations to your daughter and you!

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