Abusers disgust me to my soul… Ray Rice, Floyd Mayweather and the rest!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bebelicious1:  I can hear your anger. But how is it that you have personal knowledge that She married him to get half of whatever he gets?

Is it not more likely that like many victims of abuse she was simply unable to reconcile what happened with her image of her fiance? She loved him and she was in denial that it would ever happen again.

Why would you as a victim of abuse be questioning her motivation?

Will she not get enough victim blaming from others?

Post # 3
357 posts
Helper bee

I have several thoughts on this:

I think that the media needs to stop playing that horrific video. She is intitled to her privacy, and frankly, we don’t need it constantly replayed and shared on social media.

I also think that someone sat on this video for quite some time (whether it be TMZ or whomever) and planned to realease it just shy of the end of his suspension (to maximize damage.)

Roger Goodell and the NFL totally dropped the ball on this one. We did not need to see the video to know that a 2 game suspension was unjust. And in my opinion, the video shouldn’t have changed anything. We ALL KNOW he abused her. I also find it incredibly difficult to believe that no one saw the video up untill today.

Part of me feels a little for Ray Rice because he has completely lost everything. He is a basically a total pariah. Do I think what he has done is ok? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And yes, there must be consequences for such horrific acts – but I think they should have been addressed when we first learned of the incident. Basically, not double jeapordy…

Look at people like Mike Tyson or Michael Vick, they have committed heinous acts (convicted of RAPE and torutring and killing hundreds of defenseless animals) and they are still glorified in sports and media. It’s absolutely disgusting.

I think much more will come of this story in the days to come.

Post # 4
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I hope she leaves him. I’m not going to comment on what she should or shouldn’t do, because that’s her business and not mine – I just hope she leaves him and has a happy & safe life. That video is so sad and I really wish they would stop playing it on every news outlet.


Post # 5
425 posts
Helper bee

I don’t feel one iota bad for Ray Rice. You can tell in the video by his compete non reaction to knocking his fiancee out that this was not the first time he’s hit her…It was just the first time he got caught on film. I feel bad for his wife–now that he’s lost everything he surely will take it out on her and blame her. Just like all abusers. I hope she has somewhere safe to stay.

Post # 6
805 posts
Busy bee

I wish I hadn’t seen that rice video – it made me feel physically sick. I can’t believe they actually got married after that. It’s horiffic to me that people in the public eye can commit these heinous crimes and barely seem to incur any fallout from their revolting behaviour. 

Post # 7
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think there’s no way in hell the NFL and Ravens didn’t see this before now. And I also think if he would’ve got the 6 games initially that would’ve been it and it never would’ve came out.

Post # 8
7126 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

julies1949:  great points. Plus 100. We women don’t need to amplify negative stereotypes about women or victim blaming. 


The only person at fault is the person who chose to abuse another person. 

Post # 9
332 posts
Helper bee

As someone who also left a physically abusive relationship, I do understand your perspective and personal anger. Having said that, I’ve also heard the full video shows her also being physically violent with him. So, yeah, he clearly is the scum of the earth. Nothing justifies his behavior. No one does that to someone they love. However, I don’t think she’s a completely innocent party, either.  And I don’t say that because of anything having to do with her being money-hungry. That’s speculative and irrelevant, IMO. However, simply put, nothing justifies anyone being physically abusive to another… Ever… Man or woman. 

Post # 10
769 posts
Busy bee

julies1949:  I agree as well. My ex-H was a horrible and abusive man that tried to kill me several times. I stayed longer than I should have not  because I wanted anything from him, but because he was very manipulative and made me believe I was the one causing it/did not deserve love/will never find anyone better. 


  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  OmbreBee.
Post # 11
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

 I feel like any normal male would attempt to restrain his wife if she came at him, not instinctively knock her out and then calmly drag her lifeless body away. he is a pro athlete and she is a woman, he could easily restrain her with one hand, wait for the elevator to open, then walk away… go to the front desk and rent a separate room to stay in until you both calm down. he is a millionaire for petes sake. whatever the situation was, there were likely many ways it could have been resolved without violence. this is how you can tell it’s not the first time. so sad. 

Post # 12
302 posts
Helper bee

This situation makes me very angry too. I hate reading the comments on the news stories about how she deserved it for lunging at him and how this is what equality looks like and that the feminists should be happy! Tit for tat and all that BS. It just makes me sick. 

When it comes down to it, he is a trained, strong, professional athlete and he is clearly incapable of controlling himself. If someone was treating me the way he treated her, I’d have a very hard time not reacting as well. He is in a position of power over her (physical strength) and he used all of it to knock her out. Then he dragged her around and acted annoyed that she wouldn’t get up. REALLY? I don’t feel bad for him at all. And I’m tempted to say that she deserves what she gets for sticking around. I know it can be hard to walk away from an abuser, but she married him one month after this happened! I just can’t understand that. 

Post # 13
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bebelicious1:  Im happy the NFL and Ravens of whatever team didn’t turn a blind eye or 

punish’ him but still allow him to play after 6 games or w/e. Disgusting behavior. They absolutely SHOULD make an example of him. I saw the video and I feel so bad for her, and now she is being victimized again on every news outlet. I hope she divorces his ass, taks his money and goes on to live happy life with her child. 

I’m still mad Michael Vick and Ben rapey guy from New England are allowed to play in the NFL still. The fact that they still let them ( Vick especially because he was convicted and went to JAIL for his crimes) makes me sick. NFL should not tolerate any crimminal behavior especially abuse of women and helpless animals. 

Post # 14
4649 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bebelicious1:  Thankfully I’ve never been around abuse so to see it “for real” in that video was crazy. Those were full on punches! Jeez, it’s so sad. I’m glad he got taken off the team.

Post # 15
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

My opinion on this hasn’t been popular amongst friends. But I’ll share it anyway.

For the record I was a victim of abuse and I know a thing or two bout how she POSSIBLY felt. I also know a few things that were discussed in my counseling sessions that I haven’t really seen touched much in the media.

If you watch the full video, before he touches her she hits him more than once. Hypothetically, had he not punched her the way he did, and it was only her hitting him, I highly doubt the video would be getting the attention it’s getting. Which bothers me for the simple fact that her hitting him is also abuse. I understand the amount of damage she can do physically is much less than what he can do just based on their size and strength. I understand that regardless of anything else he had no business touching her let alone punching her and knocking her out the way he did. But I also believe that it’s nonsense that her part in it is ignored.

I had horrific things happen to me and on occasion, before things would escalate, I would be the first to strike with a slap to the face, or a few punches thrown to the arm or something similar. The fact that my hits didn’t do much to my ex at the time didn’t matter, I was also being abusive. In those moments I was no better than he was. He didn’t deserve to be hit anymore than I did. We both crossed boundaries and that was made clear to me after lots and lots of counseling. You can’t mimick the actions of your abuser and then only accept the role of the victim. I was in fact a victim, but by hitting my ex, I was also the bad guy, even if it wasn’t to the same extent.  It’s such a common thing for abuse to only be considered abuse when it’s from a man to a woman. But that door swings both ways.

So while most watch that video and see ONLY him knocking her out, I watch it and see her striking him more than once, then him hitting her the way he did. the bottom line is I seen TWO toxic individuals crossing lines with each other. Not just a man beating a woman.

He deserved to face consequences. No doubt about that. I haven’t and I won’t argue at all with the fact that he is a very disturbed man to be able to be so violent toward someone he’s supposed to love. But, I don’t think it’s fair to over look the other details of that video. The entire thing is one big show of disrespect and a complete disregard for boundaries.

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