Boy oh boy! Those are some crazy stories.
As for me, I met my abusive ex shortly after having broken up. I actually knew this guy through a friend. But we never met, hung out, etc. (There’s a mean streak to that too about knowing him but not having hung out…)
So he caught me at a BAD, BAD, time where I just came off a long relationship and feeling alone and left behind, etc.
He was amazing at first as friends. Which is what led me to say ‘yes’ to having a relationship. But gradually he just turned PSYCHO! He ALWAYS wanted to know where I was at EVERY MINUTE of the day. If I didn’t pick up the phone cuz I was in the shower or the bathroom, he’d FREAK OUT and stop taking my phone calls. If I met him, begged, pleaded, etc. to talk to me again, he’d give me the cross-examination as to why I didn’t answer for over 15 mins. What kind of shower takes 15 mins. (Really? Wtf!)
Speaking shower, he told me I was a super digusting person for not washing my hair EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I lost a lot of my hair and its lustre because of that. I had really long hair and it was a pain to wash it all every single day. It dried out badly. I even tried showing him some reputable websites that say that women shouldn’t be washing it everyday because it destroys the natural oils. And his response to that was: “You can’t believe everything you read on the internet. Wow you are stupider than I thought.” So I just pretty much gave in out of fear.
He would break up with me FREQUENTLY and then have no memory of it the next day. He’d pretend everything’s okay and the break up never happened meanwhile I would have cried my eyes out and apologized for things I didn’t know if I ever did, etc.
He would also get me to believe that if he forgets he did something wrong to me (which was QUITE OFTEN), then I should not mention it at all. Or… here’s the kicker… take the blame for it! And why you might ask? Well his answer to that was so I can be the ‘bigger person’ for taking the fall for someone I love and the person I love will feel so much respect for me. Especially in public settings where he may have dropped something, forgot someone’s b’day, etc. etc.
And always snooping through my phone.
I was not allowed to look up while we were in public. If we went to the mall together or even for a walk in the park, I wasn’t allowed to look UP from the ground. He always thought that I was checkin’ out some guy! OMG!
I put up with all this due to low self-esteem which was an offshoot of a previously ended relationship. I was feeling unwanted and felt like no one will ever want/like me even though I am such an amazing person. So if this guy likes me, I must be lucky to just have someone.
He was nice occassionally but that was always with an underlining purpose. I.e., I did this/that for you so you owe me sort of thing.
I would buy nice things for myself which he would ‘borrow’ for his sister/family and I would NEVER see these things again. (Expensive jewelry, movies, cosmetic contacts, etc. And I am talking MAJOR DOLLARS.) And if I questioned the ‘return’, I would get a rude statement in return like “What’s the matter with you? You can’t share anything? I can’t believe I am stuck with such a b!tch! You’re lucky I don’t leave you. No one else will want your selfish @ss!”
Once we went out to dinner with a friend of his and he invited his ex! He always still hung out with her and gave me a song and a dance about how he feels bad for having broken her heart by breaking up with her so he feels guilty and hangs out with her to make up for that. He didn’t want a relationship with her though cuz she was just as psycho as him. Always calling him, checking up on him, etc. and he didn’t like that. And he would be late to come pick me up from work or home or not come at all cuz he was busy taking her shopping.
Relationship ended when he was on another one of his stints of having broken up with me. My car died and he refused to help me to look for another car. He was always TOO BUSY for me and I always asked him for help at the wrong times. And so I asked a few friends of mine (or whatever friends I had left since I wasn’t allowed to talk to ANYONE. He was supposed to be the ONE AND ONLY of my life), and she recommended a friend of hers. This ‘friend of hers’ is now my Darling Husband. I met this guy and realized that wow, there are still nice guys out there and there is still hope.
I didn’t of course start a relationship with my Darling Husband right away. I still met my ex afterwards when he again lost all memory of having broken up with me. He used to smoke a LOT which I didn’t like. I requested him to stop, cut down, or at the very least do not smoke with me in a confined space (car, room, etc.) cuz I feel sick. He hid the smoking part from his own family and never smoked at home and no one in his family knew he smokes. We were driving somewhere and I asked politely if he could put it out. He didn’t. I felt at that very moment this one thought “WTF, just WTF am I doing?” I asked him to turn his car around immediately and drop me home. He did and as I slammed his car door shut I knew in my heart that I was finally FREE.