(Closed) Abusive in-laws.. wedding invites, anxiety, etc. (Long, sorry!)

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I invite them?
    Invite just FMIL and FFIL : (1 votes)
    13 %
    Invite all of them : (0 votes)
    Invite just FMIL : (1 votes)
    13 %
    Don't invite any of them! : (6 votes)
    75 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Honestly you need to take a huge breath then a gaint leap backwards. Your Fi and his sister made their choices, support him in this time. No matter how awful his parents are I’m sure this has to be more painful for him, then anything else. You cannot stress yourself out about it.

    Your Fi made choice and if he is intent on following through with it. I’m sure he knows how it will effect the relationship with his mother, and if that what he has to do for his well being and sanity then I’m sure he thought of all the reppercussions good and bad. So talk to him about it, and follow his lead.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1639 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @YogaFaerie:  Would your FI want to see his abusive father and sister on the happiest day of his life?

    HIs mother and father may be a package deal. If the father is so controlling, he will find a way to use the mother’s presences to try to worm his way into his son’s special day.

    I voted to not include any of them. Yes it will hurt the mother, but she has made the choice to say in the abuse.

    Post # 6
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I agree with leaving all of them out of the wedding. It will only be a source of anxiety for both of you (and the rest of FI’s family, no doubt). Yes, he will be sad if his mother doesn’t attend, but that’s on her. If he currently has no relationship with his father or sister, and all indicators are saying that they won’t be a part of your married life- for VERY good reason- there is no compelling argument to invite them. Your wedding is not the time for a family reunion. If you are planning two years out, and your FI has the strong desire to reconnect, then give yourself that time to see if a relationship can be built. I strongly suggest you leave it alone, though, because it sounds very destructive and stressful to be a part of that family. Accept FSIL and FI’s uncles as your new in laws, and leave it at that. Good luck 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m so sorry you have to go through this. But I voted not to invite any of them. If you FI cut them out of his life, he did it for a good reason and would have thought a lot about it. If that is what he wants, support him 100% and don’t invite any of them. Yes, it will hurt your FMIL, but she has chosen to stay a part of that family.

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