Post # 1
I invited a male guest (family member) (let’s call him Joe) and his girlfriend of two or three years (who were living together at the time) to my wedding. We had known them together as a couple-they went to family holidays togeher, etc. I addressed the invitation to “his name” & “her name”. They have since broken up. Should I allow Joe to bring a male friend if she (his now ex-gf) cannot attend?
When we were deciding on who should get to bring a guest before we sent out our invitations, my Fiance and I decided that if a person we wanted to invite was in an established relationship (and in most cases had met and known the significant other) at the time that we sent the invite, they would get to bring a guest. If they weren’t, they didn’t. For example, my brother was not dating anyone at the time so we addressed his invite to him specifically without the “and guest.”
What should I do about Joe? I feel annoyed to have to pay an extra $80 for food and alcohol for Joe’s buddy when we don’t know that person, nor have we ever met him. Plus, I think it’s rude that Joe didn’t call and check with us first about replacing his now ex-gf with a buddy.
What do you think? And is this worth rocking the boat?
This isn’t about being anti-gay if Joe, who is presumably straight, ends up being gay or bi or whatever. Another guest (female) is in an established relationship (6 months or longer) with a female and they were both invited (by name). But these two aren’t in a relationship, as far as I know. Even if they were, it would be so new (from time invitation sent to now – about 2 months) that they were togeher, that it seems inappropriate for him to invite him insead of the gf (now ex) specified on the invite.
Post # 3
Regardless of gender, I don’t think it’s acceptable for him to invite another guest if the invitation was made out to “his name” and “her name”. If “her name” can’t come, then he gets to come alone, or to decline. If you wanted him to be able to invite anyone he wanted to, you would have made it “his name and guest”.
Unfortunately, we have some guests who don’t seem to understand this nuance…
Post # 4
@lissadanae: No, you addressed the invite to “Joe and Ex-Girlfriend” not “Joe and Random Stranger.” Explain to Joe that you hardly have room for those you know and want there. Since his ex is no longer coming that you’d rather give the extra space to your brother’s girlfriend or another guest that you initally were unable to invite due to space requirements.
Post # 5
I would let him. It isn’t like he is trying to bring an extra guest, he is just replacing one. Then he will have someone to talk to and hang out with all night.
Post # 6
I don’t think he should…if your brother can’t have a +1, then this person shouldn’t either.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs. It might be awkward, but he doesn’t deserve to just fill the seat (we had a few folks do that as well, but it was day-of, so we couldn’t do anything about it). If Joe knows other people there and wouldn’t need this friend as his one and only person to talk to, then I’d politely tell him that if ex isn’t coming, unfortunately her seat will go to another person on your guest list rather than his buddy.
Post # 8
I think it’s bad behavior on his part, but you already issued the invitation. It’s not worth the argument.
Post # 9
Personally I think that if his ex g/f cant attend he should have just RSVP’d no for her. he cant just replace her with anyone he feels like. But in this case I would just let it go.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
No way is that okay. An invitation is for the people indicated, not just for the number of people invited.
Post # 11
No, the invite was for his then-girlfriend. It’s not a ticket that he gets to give to someone else or sell on eBay. And since he’s family, he should know plenty of people at the wedding. (But even if he didn’t, that wouldn’t change my vote.)
Post # 12
I voted “no” but I have a caveat – if he’s not going to know anyone else there, give him a guest.
Fiance had to decline a wedding invite that I accepted recently. I’m psyched to go, but it’s become pretty clear since I RSVP’d that I will know no one at all, aside from the bride… I would never ask for a plus one, but deep down, I kind of wish the bride had offered. :
ETA – whoops, missed the family part. Yeah, then definitely no.
Post # 13
I’m torn on this. I invited a male friend and a plus 1 even though he wasn’t in a relationship. I only did that because he didn’t know anyone else at the wedding. He decided not to bring a date, but I kid you not, at 11pm the night before the wedding, he called to see if he could bring an old male friend from high school that I was friends with also (not close, but we hung out.) I said sure, but it was because I knew a couple could not attend at the last minute so we were already paying for their meals.
I’m not sure if I would have said yes if I knew we would have to pay extra for him though…
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Joe only got a plus one because he was in a long-term relationship. Same thing with a married couple- if one spouse can’t make it, the other shouldn’t randomly bring a friend.
Unfortunately, we have a B list for our wedding. I already know of two friend’s boyfriends who can’t make it- that allowed us to invite another couple. Two of our family invites will be coming without their spouses (older, and the men don’t travel)- that allows my nephews who are 18 & 21 to have dates (so they won’t be bored out of their minds!)
Give your brother the extra seat, instead. It’s not like Joe won’t know anyone, since he’s family.
Post # 15
Not unless he’s gay or bi, and he’s really into this guy. It sucks to have to confront him about this, but there might be more drama if he brings his buddy. You don’t know this guy– he might be the type to get super drunk at your reception and do something inappropriate– especially since he doesn’t know you and (presumably) wouldn’t be as invested in maintaining a good relationship with you.
I’d say, “I’m sorry, ‘Joe,’ but we made the decision to only allow guests in established relationships to bring plus-ones.” Tell him you wish you could (even if you don’t), but that if you allowed him to bring his friend, then other people would want to, etc.– It might help if you can draw his attention to someone else you’re not able to invite because of the rule or to emphasize how difficult it has been to make these guest-list decisions. Empathize with his position, but stay firm, and tell him how excited you are that he can come. That’s what I would do, anyway. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 16
no- he shouldn’t bring his buddy… first off, kudos on properly addressing the invitation. Since his buddy’s name isn’t on the invite, he is not invited. It is up to Joe and his ex to decide if she attends. If he is still friends with her, you can not revoke the invite if he wishes to bring her. Chances are, you’re in the clear…