Post # 1
Oy! I’m in a predicament with my friend, and our wedding guest. This particular friend doesn’t really understand weddings and etiquette and all that good stuff, and it really frustrates me sometimes. For example, when my mom invited her to my bridal shower, she cancelled at the last minute (night before) via Facebook because she “decided she couldn’t come.” Little did she know my mom ended up having to pay for her meal at the venue because she had already given a head count and signed a contract two days before. I never told my friend this, of course, because it’s not her fault that she doesn’t understand these things, so I just shrugged it off.
Fast forward a few months, and we’re back in the same boat with our wedding RSVP. She sent her “yes” responde in about a week ago, but e-mailed me this morning to say that she won’t know if her boyfriend can come until a few days before the wedding. Is it acceptable to just politely explain that our venue cut-off date is ten days before the wedding, so we have to know by then, or we end up paying for his meal? I feel bad being so blunt with her, but at the same time, it would probably be helpful for her to know this kind of stuff now so that for future weddings, she’s not so clueless.
Help! i just don’t want to come across as a mean bride.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
I would definitely explain about the cut-off, the need to pay for plates, etc. But, at the same time, you can’t count on all the guests who HAVE RSVPed coming — no-shows just happen sometimes, and that’s one of the frustrating things about weddings!
Post # 4
She probably just doesn’t know. Let her know what kinds of deadlines and headcounts you have in front of you.
I’m absolutely embarassed to share that my now-husband once had to reply to a bride via text because he never sent back our reply card, even though we had hotel & airfare booked. He just assumed she knew we were coming. So you have it, true — some people don’t see the difference between a wedding and a houseparty.
Post # 5
Yeah, I agree with the pp, I’d just be upfront about it–she doesn’t know, and she probably won’t take offense, she’s just inexperienced about stuff like this.
Post # 6
Thanks, guys. I’ll just be upfront with her and explain how it is, as politely as I can.
Post # 7
I agree, I’d be up front about it.
Post # 8
be direct; yuo dont want to lose money its hard enough paying for everything
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
Yes, I would just share in a polite and friendly way that you need to know the headcount sooner than that in order to tell the caterer how many meals to provide.
Post # 10
I agree with all the pps, she may not know about all the wedding stuff, just explain it to her, that’s the best thing you can do for both of you.