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I have a friend who actually offered to let me stay at her place (in the town where I'm getting married, which is a distance) the week before the wedding. I felt weird at first, but figured if she was genuinely excited, then I would respect her parameters (no arranging flowers, please!) and try to be super sensitive and respectful of her time. I am also giving her a small role in our church ceremony and thanking her in the programs.
As an alternative point of view, I actually asked to do this for a friend and loved it! I was local and her sisters were her BMs (who can argue with that?) I was happy to be spared the expense of being in the wedding and the bride and groom got me a nice gift card for helping out.
I had a friend from college and she invited a few girls over one night (only 1 was a bridesmaid) to help with wedding projects. She sent postcard invited and made us margaritas and snacks. I didn't expect anything in return, I just had fun spending time with her and helping her out.
Three things you can do, and I would do all three:
- Whenever they help you out, scratch their backs. Order a pizza, make cookies, pour some margaritas, etc. Just do something small everytime to let them know how much you appreciate their help.
- Buy/make whomever helps a thoughtful thank you gift at the end, just as you would with a BM.
- Thank them in the ceremony program or in your thank yous at the wedding. Or give them corsages. Or do something at the ceremony/reception to recognize all of their help.
I've been engaged for 14 months now (5 days away!) and during that time I have grown really close to someone who used to just be a friendly acquaintance and my FBIL proposed to his GF, whom I adore. If I had to pick BMs today (5 days away!) I would ask both of them, but that isn't how it works. Instead, I'm just letting them know how special they are whenever I can. The same principle applies. If you are gracious, most people will be pleased with your efforts.
I had a friend from college and she invited a few girls over one night (only 1 was a bridesmaid) to help with wedding projects. She sent postcard invited and made us margaritas and snacks. I didn't expect anything in return, I just had fun spending time with her and helping her out.
I'm having just my sister as my only bridesmaid and I am definitely taking advantage of my friends' offers of assistance. :)
My intent is to thank them in my speech at the reception, possibly give them a gift and (as I am doing this Wednesday when my two good friends help me put together my invitations) provide the wine/booze for the crafting sessions.
I think that as long as you thank them in some way, it should in no way give credit (for helping with particular tasks) where credit is not due. If you're not giving a speech at the reception, you could also thank your friends in the programs or on your website if you have one.
If someone offers, it's considered rude to turn them down unless you really don't want what they are offering. Nothing to feel weird about unless you don't feel comfortable around them, period.
Thank them as you would any other help for an everyday craft project. No one is expecting to be publicly thanked in programs or you going out of your way to do so. Write a heartfelt note and bake a batch of cookies for them if that is your talent or take them out to lunch.
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I'm getting married where I currently live. I plan on having 5 bridesmaids (sister, 4 friends). Only one of my bridesmaids lives in the same town as I do. The rest are across the country as are my parents and my fiances parents.
I love crafts and plan on making a lot of things for myself. I also have a group of girlfriends who live in my current town that seem very excited and want to help spend the next year making crafts. I feel weird asking some of these girlfriends to help in extensive crafting projects if they're not "in the wedding".
Should I take advantage of their offers to help? And more importantly, how should I thank them? I'm afraid people will assume I did it with the help of bridesmaids and I dont want these girls to spend hours helping and then have someone else take the credit.
Any ideas?